I Wish... This Lamp Wasn't Jinxed!

Granted, but it's a live turkey drinking rye.

I wish my bedroom wasn't so frigging COLD.

Granted, its now in Hell.

I wish that I didn't need to sleep.

Granted, but then it becomes required by law and it is considered a felony offense if you don't.

I wish Starbucks would lower their prices. Admittedly, their coffee is good, but it's not THAT good.

Granted, but you become unable to drink ANYTHING else (water, soda, etc) except Starbucks coffee.

I wish I could travel across time and space at will.

Granted, but you can only do it once every 62 years.

I wish I could drink other things besides Starbucks coffee.

Granted, but then the thread dies.

I wish this thread would be revived.

Granted, but your left pinkie toenail falls off and disappears into nothingness.

I wish I didn't have to work during the solar eclipse.

Granted, you get fired.

I wish I had the proper things with which to view the solar eclipse.

OK, but iy rains the entire time.

I wish I had my own computer.

Granted, but it's OS is Windows Vista and you can never upgrade it.

I wish I had a better fan in my room.

Okay, there is a now a better Justin Beiber fan in your room.

I wish for a brand-new laptop with Windows 10 installed.

Granted, but it has low memory and all it's hard drive space is taken up by Windows 10.

I wish Firefox was more customizable.

Okay, but you don't like any of the customization options.

I wish I had a Window 10 laptop with terrabytes of memory available for use,

Granted, but it goes BSOD the first time you boot it up.

I wish my computer wasn't on its last chips.

Your wish is granted, it's now completely dead and won't even turn on. Oh, and the data on your hard drive is unrecoverable.

I wish I hadn't done that because I use the same computer.

Granted, but because you tried to do that I won't let you use my computer anymore.

I wish Pink would think about the consequences of careless wishes.

Granted, but because she is a faerie, she does whatever she wants anyway (because curiosity)

I wish for a shrubbery.

Granted, but the Knights Who Say Ni still won't let you pass because they're just bastards like that.

I wish I still had my DVD copy of that movie.

Granted, but since you didn't specify which movie, its any random movie EXCEPT the one you wanted.

I wish the was a cure for my foot falling asleep.

Granted, but it involves a hacksaw and an acetylene torch. You can guess where this is going, I am sure.

I wish I could find a DSi XL for sale.

Granted, its my old one but the top screen only works properly when held at a certain angle, turns the top screen completely white if not, and the hinges don't stay in place requiring you to hold it place or use some sort of device or something to hold it in place for you while playing it (this is a real problem I have with mine, its why I upgraded to 3DS day 1 it was released)

I wish for a potato.

Sure, I’ll guve you the one I ate this morning. Just hold out your hands....

I wish I could find a DSi XL for sale that is not pre-owned.

Okay, you now have one that is brand-new...and in Japanese and no translation patches work.

I wish my friends who are fighting would settle their differences and be friends again.

They do so, but are turned into adorable kittens in the process. Also they aren't house trained.

I wish for a non-poop potato.

Okay, you instead get one that has been sitting in a cupboard for months. Enjoy.

I wish my boyfriend would stop sulking just because I cancelled our plans to try and reconcile my friends.

Granted, instead he dumps you and starts dating one of those friends (jk, you know I would never do that to you).

I wish it was still warmer temperatures. That nice weather lasted far too short.

Granted, but it only increased because of Global Warming and the world floods because Cobra finally got the Weather Dominater working and used it to rapidly melt the polar ice caps because of raisi-I mean reasons.

I wish for a piece of gum.

Granted, but it's the kind of gum that used to come in packs of baseball cards (if you're old enough to remember that).

I wish my girlfriend wasn't out of town this week.

Granted, but she's having a super mega version of THAT TIME OF THE MONTH. Have fun with that.

I wish for the easiest job in the world.

Note: I am old enough to remember those cards. Still have a few of them, too.

Granted, you have a job that's so easy you don't get paid for it.

I wish I had a larger screen on my iPhone.