I Wish... You Were A Frog

Granted, but you get nutered (sp?) and declawed, so what's the point in living?

I wish it weren't so f!@#ing hot!

Granted. It's now f-ing cold, and computers don't work when it's cold, so everyone who's missed your presence in this part of AGN is now sad again. How could you?!

I wish I wasn't broke...!

Granted, but you stole the money from a bank and the cops are surrounding your house...

God I've missed this.

I wish for a root beer. I'm in the mood.

Granted. Your left hand is now holding a cold, frosty glass of root beer. Unfortunately, after you take a big swig, you realize that carrots are technically roots, and you now understand why the liquid was deeply orange.

I wish I had a pool.

Granted, its at an easymart. You get there early before anyone is there, but someone saw you come in. They walk in, and ask for the money. You have no idea where a register is (its one where its under the counter, hidden), so you tell him you just got here. He smashes down the stands, and breaks the windows. He shoots you in the chest, and you have to have your stomach stapled, even worse, you get fired. Problem is, the next day, your stomach bursts due to extreme pressure build up. You have a nice tombstone though..It looks good...

I wish I would goto bed, ITS 6:09AM!!

Granted, you got to bed and fall into a DEEP sleep, so deep you slip into a coma for 30 years.

I wish my sister would go away

Granted. She moves away to a small western european country, marries the prince, and lives happily (and richly) ever after. Without you. Because girls love that crap.

I wish my right eye weren't swollen with tears because of my blasted allergies. I can hardly see my monitor.

Granted, but now your fingers are so swollen you can barely move them.

I wish I had more energy in the mornings.

Granted. You have so much energy, in fact, that as soon as your feet hit the carpet, a spark of static electricity ignites a chain reaction that produces a mushroom cloud the size of nebraska where your house (and most of your country) used to be.

I wish my dad would quit worrying about me getting pulled over because of my expired plates. I've been driving on them for a year now, and it hasn't happened yet...

Granted, but you get pulled over tomorrow and he gets to give you that classic 'I told you so' speach.

I wish it weren't raining! I have to do the bins...

Granted. It's no longer raining, and it stays that way for a long time, until your house is now in the center of a very large desert.

I wish I hadn't developed a pimple right where my belt rests on my waist. Hurts like a... painful... thing.

Granted, but...it just shifted a little lower. 😛

I wish I could get a dog.

Granted, but he mauls you. Down there.

I wish I knew what I wanted to eat.

Granted. It's cheap, abundant, and considered one of the more savory parts of the pig. It's that part down there. Lower. Lower. No, higher. That's it. Great with barbeque sauce. Once you cook off all the sauce it comes pre-marinated in, anyway.

I wish it would rain all week long and not stop.

Granted.

...what? I want it to rain too. Far too freakin' hot. You want a catch? Fine. You drown.

I wish I could get back to my audio project.

Granted. You brainstorm some brilliant ideas while you shower, but just as you put on your headphones to begin, a freak electrical surge causes them to emit a deafening noise. You can't hear a thing for the rest of your life. Just a nice, high pitched squealing noise followed by a series of random clicks.

I wish Michigan wasn't in a single state recession.

Granted, but now everywhere else is and you're the odd one out.

I wish I could talk to girls better.

granted, but they just don't listen. :P

I wish I could get all the 180 emblems in Sonic adventure 2. It's just too damn hard!

Granted. You get them all, but suddenly realize that the thirty years it took you wasn't worth it in the slightest. On the plus side, now that you're beyond your prime and can no longer survive intimate physical contact, women finally love you.

I wish pizza grew on trees.

Granted, but everyone wants one, they all get cut down and become extinct. And since trees are what cnverts carbon dioxide into oxygen, we all die. The end.

I wish for world peace, and for aliens to completely ignore planet Earth.

Granted. People stop hating each other and everything is fine, until the aliens pass us by. Instead of helping us, they just watch as a massive meteor colides with the planet and splits it in half, dooming our entire existence. Just before we all die, we collectively flip you off.

I wish I had high-speed internet.

Granted, but as soon as you do, the whole world upgrades and you're not on the cutting-edge anymore.

I wish I was a constant poster.

Granted. You are now a motivational poster hung on the wall in a high school guidance counselor's office. Hang in there, little kitten!

I wish I had an arm that shot doughnuts.

Granted, but they taste horrible.

It's Machiavelli! *Throws Party*

I wish I had more Diet Coke w/ Cherry. I'm out. 😞

Granted. You win an unlimited supply and a sponsorship deal with Coke, then you develop an allergy to it.

I wish ... it weren't so damn hot!

Granted. Earth becomes coated with Ice-9.

I wish Nintendo released Twilight Princess already.

Granted, but it's buggier then Daikatana.

I wish for a 99, with a flake.

Granted. You eat breakfast as usual, and as you're pouring your frosted flakes, a giant 99 shaped flake comes out. It's GRRRRRRREEEAAAT!

...I wish DarkRaven had given me something to ridicule!

Granted. But it's waaaaay wittier than anything you ever post, and consequently, you curl up into a fetal position and cry.

I wish I wasn't so forgetful sometimes. 😃