I Wish... You Were A Frog

Granted! I will pay you one million dollars! Here is the playment plan: 25 cents every 30 years until I have either given you a million dollars or I am dead. First payment scheduled for September 10th, 2035.

I wish I could do whatever I wanted with my time, instead of going to a pointless job.

Granted. But it has been proven that time is an illusion created by evil minds to brainwash you and turn you into a robot. Pointless jobs are the only thing guaranteed to keep you sane and preserve your free will.

I wish I had the ability to create a mold for a new breed of men and women.

Granted. Unfortunately, they eat each other.

I wish I was good at playing piano.

Granted. But it gives you twisted fingers and a bad back in the end. Try the guitar.

I wish I could grow wings and fly.

Granted, but you go too close to the sun.
I wish I was big.

Granted, but you develop an inappropriate relationship with an older woman, come to miss your childhood, and end up winning a few oscars.

I wish I was a superhero.

Granted, but your powers are limited to super smell and super breath.

I wish I could see the universe.

Granted, but it's really as big/small as Little Prince's planet.

I wish I had the power of healing.

Granted, but you can only heal grasshoppers.

I wish I could heal women... all night long

Granted, however you must have wild sex with me everytime you wish to heal someone.

I wish I had all the answers.

Granted. But the questions change whenever you get the answers to them.

I wish I had total immunity.

Granted, but you are also immune to pleasure.

I wish I had a TARDIS

Granted. Should you ever get on the show Survivor, you will never get voted off. That's what you meant, right? Survivor? Because that's what you get.

I wish I had a nice, non-annoying, non-time consuming girlfriend.

Granted, but she's REALLY ugly.

I wish I had Christina Millian as my girlfriend

Granted, but she'll be a figment of your imagination and you could only see her a minute a day.

I wish I could put a stop to natural disasters.

Granted, but only in the region of my back garden.

I wish I could stop two people from posting at the same time

Me Too.

Granted, but the world would become boring and dull and the color red would go missing from it.

I wish wishes always become reality.

Granted, but next time you win the lottery you have to share it with 4 million other people.

I wish I could live forever

Granted. But when the earth explodes, you'll be suffocating for eternity.

I wish I had an unlimited supply of money.

Granted, but as you spent it, it would gradually become worthless because of inflation and the nature of money as a whole. Money is just a symbol of value and an infinite supply just divides the amount of money over the amount of available value.

I wish I had a machine that produced infinite, renewable, clean energy.

Granted, but every time you use it, a new-born babe that would one day be a really hot girl dies.

(Not on topic, but I have a post count of 666. Bwa-ha-ha!)

I wish I could go back in time and shoot George W Bush when he was first born

Granted, but as a result of going back in time, you have gone back too far to when you haven't been born yet. Doing this has caused you to disappear slowly, untill eventually you are nothing but a wisp of air...

I wish I had a sandwich.

Granted, but it's a SANDWICH OF DOOM

I wish I had a terminator robot programmed to do my bidding.

Granted, but its Arnold and he never gets any clothes.

I wish all Boston sports teams would dissapear.

Granted. But then they decide to blow up half of South Africa.

I wish I could buy We Love Katamari.

Granted. But you buy the last copy available and wind up ruining the disk to absolute no repair.

I wish I didn't get hang-overs.

Granted. Mysteriously, no chemical on earth will get you high or drunk. You are doomed to live out your existence with your full mental faculties.

I wish junk food was the healthiest food on earth.

Granted. However, your parents are still making you eat your vegetables. 😛

I wish that whenever I sneeze, George W. Bush would sneeze as well, and it wouldn't work in reverse.