I Wish... You Were A Frog

Granted. You now crap out Italian Lyra, 1,000 at a time. Keep in mind, with the exchange rate, that's more or less a nickel.

I wish I could paint like a professional.

Granted, but it's Rolf Harris.

I wish I didn't keep oversleeping.

You don't oversleep anymore, because you stopped all together.

I wish my term of service in the army was over with.

Granted, but then the army is accused of war crimes and they make you their scapegoat.

I wish I felt better this morning.

Granted. You feel great, until the morphine wears off and you discover that you've a quadruple amputee.

I wish Michigan wasn't in the grip of a record breaking heat wave.

Granted, it's now in the grip of the worst snow storm in recorded history.

I wish I were more alert.

Granted, but you get so paranoid that you have a heart-attack!

I wish that once again, people would remember to wish for things.

Opps!
Granted,but peoples wishes are so confusing that they make no sence!

I wish for peace that had a sandwitch in a world with a peace of no peace.

Uh... granted, but aliens invade and kill us all.

I wish I had mor emoney. Again.

Granted, but you stole it from a Mafia boss, who sends his "family" to pay you a visit.

I wish for a flying rocket-powered hotdog.

Granted. Due to the poisonous fuel, it's entirely inedible.

I wish ... it were winter again. Heatwaves don't do you any good.

Granted, Now starts the next ice age. Enjoy your carabou!

I wish I could move out.

Granted, but it's to the North Pole. Or, if you're really lucky, the South.

I wish I could see the future.

Granted. You see 10 seconds into the future, at which point the bus ends your ability to see, or do anything else.

I wish I had the old source code to my old game...

Granted, but you lose access to the internet.

I wish I could fly.

Granted, but you slam straight into an airplane engine.

I wish I had better eyesight.

Granted. You can now see perfectly... in the ultraviolet spectrum. You can look at stuff, but you get eye cancer. Because UV rays... yada... whatever. You see like a bee!

I wish I could burn things with my mind.

Granted, but you forget just how much stuff in the world is combustable and start forest fires and stuff. Oh! And you burn yourself as well. Nice.

I wish I didn't sweat so much.

Granted. Like a dog, you now have no sweat glands and can only cool yourself by constantly panting. Which, on the positive side of things, means you can't talk much anymore. 😃

I wish I wasn't so congested.

Granted, but now cars drive through you on a regular basis.
D'you see what I did there? GENIUS!

I wish I could get more sleep at night.

Granted, but you have to sleep in a pile of nails.

I wish I didn't get bored easily.

Granted. You have to work every spare minute of your life, so you have no time to get bored.

I wish I had a car of my own.

Granted, it's a model car.

I wish I had some Oreos.

Granted, but they're loaded with unhealthy trans fats, and as you eat them, smiling and licking your lips in satisfaction, you fail to realize that you are slowly eating yourself to death. It's true.

I wish my parents would learn how to wash dishes correctly. I mean, honestly, both sides of the plate need to be clean, people!

Granted, however, they decide to make it your job from now on. And they check that you do it correctly.

I wish eating chocolate .... yum ... didn't make you fat.

Granted, scientists generate a choclate that doesnt make you fat but the side effects burn away all your body fat makeing you become completely anerexic and you die a very ugly death.

I wish I could play in the AGN arcade right now. (My bad rep prevents me from playing any games in the Arcade.)

Granted, but now there's nothing worth playing.

I wish I had more ice cubes.

Granted. When you open your freezer next, anarctica pops out and crushes you. Ha.

I wish people would post in my new forum game. Sure, it's similar to the joke thread under general discussion, but it could be fun if people try...

Granted, but every post sucks ass.
It's an interesting game, but I can't think of anything to post in it. Sorry!

I wish I knew where my credit card was!