I Wish... You Were A Frog

Granted, but so do Nintendo, and the whole world blames you.

I wish I had more time in the day

Granted. The day is now two hours longer, but tragically, traffic hang ups now consume all of that extra time, costing you extra gas. Bummer!

I wish Michigan didn't suck so much right now.

Granted, but it still blows.

I wish I had a Wii.

Granted. You're now a real boy, just like Pinnochio! You can drink water without rotting, and go wii-wii all you like.

I wish that my lawnmower hadn't fallen apart suddenly.

Granted, but instead it blew up and burned half your face off.

I wish I could get rid of that funky smell in my room.

Granted. You get a sudden farting attack, the resulting smell covers up everyting else.

I wish I'd already written my exams. They're freaking me out.

Granted. Your exams are all written out in advance. Unfortunately, since knowing the answers before hand is against the rules, you're busted for cheating and you get expelled. Bummer.

I wish I hadn't forgotten to drop off my mom's check at the insurance company. She's mad at me. 😞

Granted, but the company gets robbed as soon as you step in the door.

I wish I could do something decent with my hair.

Granted, but it turns out the only thing you can do with it is get it shaved off.

I wish the pizza was done already. I'm hungry.

Granted, but it gets burnt because you have to watch midnight spant tonight at 12 because a deer told you it would make everyone you ever loved disapear if you didnt.

I wish i had an unlimited supplie of hot cheetohs, ice cream and spighettie!

Granted, but you get ulcers, and that's no joke.

I wish people named Steve would just die. Really. They're just no good. Stevens, or even Stephans, but Steves just suck.

Granted, but you've just killed my dad. I'm going to slice you into itty bitty bits, then jump up and down on those itty bity bits until I can't jump anymore, and then I'll do something equally nasty to the itty bitty bits that remain!

😊

I wish i weren't so addicted to Diet Coke with Cherry.

Granted. You're now addicted to regular Coke with Cherry, which is much worse for your body than it's diet counterpart. You become fat and unattractive, and as a result spend the remainder of your life posting on message boards and eating fried twinkies smothered in BBQ sauce. It's not a pretty sight.

I wish my grandparents train hadn't been delayed in Chicago. It's getting late, and I'm tired!

Granted, but it was derailed. Nobody's hurt (I'm not that cruel) but you have to wait for hours while they sort everyone out.

I wish I didn't have to wait 6 more days for the next episode of Doctor Who!

Granted. The show is cancelled, removing your need to wait. In it's place is the spinoff, Doctor What, a comedy about an aging physician who is unable to afford hearing aides. Also, he's in space, or something.

I wish I had cable TV, because then I could also have Cable internet.

Granted, but I force you to watch Doctor Who - all of it!

Granted that's mostly not be a bad thing, but pray for death during The Twin Dilemma...

I wish for more money, an underground missile silo, three brunettes who perform my every whim and a cat that didn't eat me out of house and home.

Granted, but the underground missle silo malfunctions and explodes killing everything else you wished for. The cat would mutate into a cat that calls hisself evil bob and make you uncook fish for him for the rest of your life.

I wish Dark Raven would change his stupid apple avatar!

Granted, he swaps with you. It's now your apple avatar.

I wish I could meet some of the members here in person.

Granted. You meet someone who is completely nuts and kidnapps you and forces you to design a better ZC nonstop.

I wish this house deal would go over smoothly

Granted, the deal goes over smoothly, but while you're signing the paperwork, a steamroller also goes over smoothly. Over your house, that is.

I wish people would stop complaining about my freaking avatars. First Daarkseid complains about mustachioed Link, and now G4 is complaining about my SA apple. There is no pleasing you people, is there?

Granted. You find the perfect avatar that no-one ever complains about, but you don't like the image yourself!

I wish for a a wish with no consequences whatsoever.

Granted. Your wish is granted perfectly, but everyone finds it boring, and nobody notices. You fall into a deep depression, and soon after fall into a deep canyon. On purpose. Because everyone hates you, Mr. Perfect Wish. Especially Douglas MacArthur. When you get to heaven, he kicks you in the balls.

I wish Darth Marsden wasn't going into seclusion for this silly Doctor Whatsit show.

Granted, he's here but all he does is talk about Doctor Who.

I wish I had a cat.

Granted, but it destroys all your furniture because you forgot to get it declawed.

I wish I hadn't eaten that pear-apple thingy. My stomach feels funny.

Granted. You construct a time machine out of an ordinary household oscilating fan, travel back in time, and stop yourself from eating whatever fruit hybrid you're talking about. Unfortunately, your time machine can only travel backwards, and you realize this after you mistakenly switch it on high and blow yourself into frontier times, where you are promptly scalped by Indians. This hurts. A lot.

I wish mosquitoes didn't exist.

Granted, they don't exist. But now mosquito/tick/leech hybrids exist, and they're all coming for you.

(I forget what it was called...I just call it a pear-apple.)

I wish I could get out of the band. :badrazz:

Granted, but then you have an urge to get back in for some odd reason but can't.

I wish I'd get a daily schedule worked out so I'm not having an internet day, a video game day, a sit in my room and do virtually nothing few days, etc.

Granted, but the entire schedule revolves around you scooping up various animal poop. (yes, I said poop.)

I wish I had more cherry-flavored pop.

Granted, but it's cherry-vinegar cola, and that's just plain nasty.

I wish my allergies weren't giving me such a hard time. I was sneezing my head off this morning while I washed my girlfriend's bosses dogs, and I'm not even allergic to dogs!

Granted, you lose your allergies ... and your girlfriend.

Algam: Declawed? Cruelty to animals, I say!

I wish I was a cat.