Pineconn is...

Haha man, that's great!

Dechipher wrote:At least you spelled my name right, even if you did make me into a whiney bitch...

At least you got unique lines, lol. I seemed to be all ditzy and...the rest of the class said the same line as me.
haha, you didn't seem that bad 😉

Anyway, please do write more. This is highly entertaining.

Judging by your avatar Dechipher, you're still under my influence...

[Pineconn's house. He walks in through the front door and throws his keys on a nearby table when the phone starts ringing. He picks it up.]

Pineconn: Hello?
Voice on Phone: Hey Pineconn, it's Pineconn_lolz's mother.
Pineconn: Oh, hey. What's up?
Pineconn_lolz's Mum: Well, Pineconn_lolz has a doctor's appointment this evening. Do you know where he is?
Pineconn: Yeah, he's over at PrrKitty's house. God only knows why, but...
Pineconn_lolz's Mum: Could you do me a favor and go tell him about his appointment? It's right near your house over there, isn't it?
Pineconn: Yeah, sure.
Pineconn_lolz's Mum: Thanks. I'll talk to you soon.

[Pineconn puts the phone down and heads out the door again. CUT TO PrrKitty's house, a lovely one-story structure. Starland Vocal Band's "Afternoon Delight" is playing inside. Pineconn walks up to the front door and knocks]

Pineconn: Hello? [Hearing no response, he opens the door and walks in] Excuse me. I'm here to find Pineconn_lolz? [He moves further into the house] Uh, hello? Is Pineconn_lolz here? [He hears some giggling and heads for the room it's coming from - turns out it's the bathroom] Hello? [PrrKitty, in the bathtub, looks at him]
PrrKitty: Aah! [Covers her breasts]
Pineconn: Woah! [Turns round in embarrassment] I'm-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-I'm just looking for Pineconn_lolz! [At that, Pineconn_lolz pops up out of the water dressed in snorkel gear. Pineconn turns round at the noise] Pineconn_lolz?? [He looks at PrrKitty, who stares blankly back at him] What the hell is going on?
PrrKitty: Oh, what's the use, Lolz? We're caught. [Moments later, an angry Pineconn is pulling his Pineconn_lolz towards the front door when she emerges from the bathroom in a dressing gown] Hold on, please, you don't understand!
Pineconn: [Turns to look at her] Really?! What's there not to understand?!
PrrKitty: Your namesake and I... are in love.
Pineconn: ...he's a bit of a noob, don't you think?!
Pineconn_lolz: Nana! [Angrily, he leaves Pineconn and stands beside PrKitty]
PrrKitty: Pineconn_lolz is very mature for his age, and you know it!
Pineconn_lolz: Ring around the rosey.
PrrKitty: He makes me feel like nobody else does. He loves me and only me, and I know I'm a goddess to him. When we make love, he can give it to me HARD, or soft and gentle-
Pineconn: Oh sweet Moses on a pogo stick, I didn't need to hear that!
PrrKitty: ...yeah, sorry.
Pineconn: [After an uncomfortable silence] Well, uh, Pineconn_lolz has a doctor's appointment, so... [He tries to pull Pineconn_lolz away from PrrKitty]
Pineconn_lolz: [Resisting] Nonono, nononono.
Pineconn: Lolz, you can't possibly want this. It's... it's so wrong!
Pineconn_lolz: [Sobbing] No, no.
Pineconn: Lolz?
PrrKitty: Is it so hard to believe that true love exists?
Pineconn: [Turns to the front door] This is nuts.

[The AGN cafe, night. A bunch of people are eating what presumably dinner. At one table War Lord, MottZilla, Pineconn and Pineconn_lolz are all eating one thing or another]

Pineconn: Guys, how well do you know PrrKitty? [Pineconn_lolz glares at him once he says this]
War Lord: Pretty well, I think. How long has it been?
MottZilla: [Finishes his mouthful of food] Uh, god, I dunno. Years.
Pineconn: Yeah, well my namesake here likes her a whole lot.
War Lord: I don't blame him, she's a very likable person. Why we made her mod of New members.
Pineconn: Well yeah, except maybe it's not perfectly great, because to some degree, my namesake and her are having an-
Pineconn_lolz: [Interrupting] Spider-Man! I'm safe, Spidey save me!
MottZilla: Why are we eating with him again? He keeps throwing food at me.
Pineconn: It's important. Listen, I thing there might be something you should look into about this guy visiting PrrKitty all the time-
Pineconn_lolz: [Interrupting again] Weohhh part ten. Mom-my I love you I love you.
War Lord: Ok, that's just creepy.
Pineconn: I'll deal with him. C'mon, you. I want a word.

[Pineconn leaves his chair and takes Pineconn_lolz to the other side of the Cafe. Pineconn starts arguing with his namesake] You just can't expect me to sit there and say nothing. No, Lolz, I'm supposed to be looking out for you. So what? I wasn't going to just blurt it out, I was gonna use some tact, but you won't even let me... What? Uh uh! Stop right there, man! [Pineconn_lolz is replying with a series of snippets from nursery rhymes, which has nothing to do with Pineconn's concern. The two are finished, and the two of them return to the table]

Pineconn: Guys, I think maybe you should talk to Pineconn_lolz about love and sex.
MottZilla:We already have a section for that. It's called Ask Someone Who Gets Laid.
War Lord: God only knows what he'd want in there, though.

[The next morning. Breaker is lounging around the AGN Cafe like always, along with Glitch and ShadowTiger. They're all dressed in cop uniforms, except for Breaker, who's wearing THIS]

Breaker: You're so full of crap, Glitch.
Glitch: What? I did shoot him in the face. Twice.
Pineconn: [Walks into the Cafe] Ex, excuse me? [The look at him as he walks over] My name is... Brad. And uh, I need to report a crime. Anonymously.
Breaker: Oh yeah? What's the crime?
Pineconn: Uh, w-one of the moderators is having s-s-sex with a new member.
Breaker: Holy crap! [The group are suddenly serious and alert. Breaker puts his hand on Pineconn's arm] Ya-you did the right thing telling the fuzz, Brad. Now, who is the mod? What's his name?
Pineconn: Well, it isn't a guy mod. It's a woman.
Glitch: A woman.
Pineconn: Yeah. She's having sex with a boy.
ShadowTiger: [Taking notes] Oh, but, but she's ugly, right?
Pineconn: Well no, not really. It's the New Members mod, PrrKitty.
Glitch: Wait - some young guy is having sex with PrrKitty?
Pineconn: Yes.
Glitch: Nice.
Breaker: Nice.
Pineconn: What?! No, you don't understand-
Breaker: You sure they've had sex?
Pineconn: Yeah.
ShadowTiger: Has she performed oral sex on him?
Pineconn: I think so.
ShadowTiger: ...Nice.
Breaker: Nisssse.
Glitch: Nisssse.
Breaker: So wait, what, what's the crime?
Glitch: The crime is she isn't doing it with me. [The others laugh]
Pineconn: Hey! He's a total noob! She's taking advantage of him.
Breaker: You're right. We're sorry. This is serious. We need to track this student down and... give him his "Luckiest Boy In AGN" medal right away. [The others laugh again]
Pineconn: [Throws his hands up in frustration and leaves] Gargh!

[AGN, day, random hallway. People are wandering around aimlessly, as you do. Pineconn approaches Amaster42 and biggiy05, who are leaning against a wall talking]
Pineconn: Guys, can I talk to you?
Amaster42: Sure.
Pineconn: Look, I need you to keep quiet about this, all right? [Darth walks up] That guys who's username is like mine and PrrKitty-
Darth: Brahs, I'm gonna need you to start clearin' the hallways, aright?
Pineconn: Not now, Darth! I have really serious problems!
biggiy05: Dude, what's the matter?
Pineconn: PrrKitty is having sex with Pineconn_lolz.
biggiy05: ...woah.
Amaster42: Seriously?
Darth: Damn, brah, that little mini-you is pretty freakin' lucky.
Pineconn: It's not cool! The bastard isn't old enough to understand.
Darth: What's to understand? You get a boner, slap her titties around some, stick it inside her and squirt.
Pineconn: [Looks long and hard at Darth] "Stick it inside her and squirt"?
Darth: Yeah, I believe that's a pretty accurate description of sex. Well, unless you don't want to get her pregnant, then you pull it out and squirt over her face, but that's nowhere near as hot.
biggiy05: Look, I really don't see a problem.
Darth: Yeah, I've got bigger things to deal with.
Pineconn: You guys don't understand! His wacko mod is like a schoolgirl! They pass notes to each other all the time, they have sex at her house whenever they get a free moment, [Darth waves Pineconn off and walks away] and they sneak out and kiss in the hallways! [This stops Darth and makes his eyes big]
Darth: They WHAT?!?
Pineconn: They sneak out and make out in the hallways!
Darth: [Spins around to face Pineconn] Now hang on a second: making out in the hallways is strictly against forum policy!
Pineconn: Well they're doing it!
Darth:Yeah? Well now it's personal. This forum is my jurisdiction! If there's a infraction going on, they're gonna have to deal with the Dawg!

[Another group of New Members are being taught the basics of etiquette by PrrKitty, with the usual results - complete failure. She plows on, bless her, as she wipes the text off the blackboard]
PrrKitty: Ok guys, just continue with your macaroni pictures. I need to step out for a second. Uh Pineconn_lolz, could you give me a hand, please? [Pineconn_lolz leaves his seat and joins PrrKitty outside. She puts him on the shelf of the nearby telephone booth] Oh Lolz, I just had to have a second alone with you.
Pineconn_lolz: I like dada better.
PrrKitty: I got your love letter, and I wrote you one back. Oh, just one kiss to hold me over for the rest of class. [She begins to kiss Pineconn_lolz when Darth appears in the distance and turns towards them]
Darth: Hall infraction! [He runs over to PrrKitty]
PrrKitty: [Turning to Darth] Oh, uh, we were just heading back in.
Darth: You got a season pass, brah?!
PrrKitty: I don't need a season pass. I'm a moderator.
Darth: Yeah? Well, where's his season pass?!
PrrKitty: Look, just let us get back in-
Darth: Get down on the floor!
PrrKitty: We're going back inside!
Darth: [Whips out the Bear Mace] You like bear mace, icehead?!
PrrKitty: What?!
Darth: You're goin' with Christ! [He sprays PrrKitty pretty good]
PrrKitty: AUGH!

[Next stop, War Lord's office. Darth, PrrKitty and Pineconn_lolz stand before War Lord, who is reading through the two love letters]
Darth: ...And that's what I got, brah. These two were in the hallway making out. She had those love letters on her person.
War Lord: 'Pineconn_lolz, I long to feel your arms around me'? PrrKitty, you- you're having a relationship with this noob?
Darth: Yes. In the middle of the forum, without a season pass.
War Lord: This is unbelievable.
Darth: I know. It's like a season pass doesn't even matter to them.
War Lord: PrrKitty, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to inform Breaker of this.
PrrKitty: [Puts her hands to her cheeks] Oh God...
Darth: You just dealt with the Dawg, bitch.

...for the record, the original version of this episode is one of, if not my absolute favorite episode(s) of South Park. I just constantly find it hilarious. Also, I can't wait to see PrrKitty's reaction when she reads this thing. Oh, to be a fly on the wall of her place when she twigs...

More this evening, if my sister doesn't steal the PC from me.

ROFLOL!!! Darthy... I'm speechless. When I can quit laughing I'll try to respond more... 😉

Edit: by the way Darthy... the name "Cartman" got by ya... once... in the story 😊 <giggle>

I just want to remind people that this is a work of fiction!

Such great stuff. I especially like the part where you bash Lolz... which is kind of the entire story. More, now!

Please. 😊

PrrKitty wrote:by the way Darthy... the name "Cartman" got by ya... once... in the story 😊 <giggle>

Pineconn wrote:Such great stuff. I especially like the part where you bash Lolz... which is kind of the entire story.

[The streets, later. Police and news reporters are present as Glitch and ShadowTiger escort a handcuffed PrrKitty into a waiting Megazord, under the watchful eye of Breaker]

Breaker: [To PrrKitty] Sorry we had to do this, but the boss man insisted. [The 'fuzz' escort PrrKitty into the waiting 'zord]
fatcanfan [Walking up] What's goin' on?
AtmaWeapon The New Members mod is suspected of having sex with a noob.
fatcanfan But... she's a woman.
AtmaWeapon Yeah. I know.
fatcanfan But... she's hot.
Pineconn: Wow. I think I owe you one, Darth.
Darth: You don't owe me anything. My forums are cleeean. [Points his index fingers at the camera]

[That evening, Pineconn's house. He's sitting reading a book when the doorbell rings. He answers it and sees Pineconn_lolz standing in the rain ('cause it's always more dramatic if it's always raining) at the door.]

Pineconn: Oh. Look, I didn't tell on you, you got busted by Darth. [Pineconn_lolz glares at him] Ok, Ok. I did have something to do with it. But someday you're gonna realize it was for the best.
Pineconn_lolz: You are dead to me.
Pineconn: ...what?
Pineconn_lolz: I said, you're dead to me!
Pineconn: I'm dead to you?
Pineconn_lolz: You're dead to me! [Walks away into the rain]
Pineconn: ...cool. [Closes the door and goes back to his book]

[It's the next morning, aboard Breaker's Megazord. PrrKitty is on the phone to someone as the others argue about which building to accidentally smash next.]

PrrKitty: I'm on the Breaker-Zord. They say they found some evidence. I'm so scared. [Brief cut to reveal Pineconn_lolz is at the other end of the line] Listen, I want you to know it's Ok. If anybody tries to talk to you, you don't need to say anything. Just leave it to me. I know a way out of this.

[Cut to a News 4 Newsbreak intro]

Anthony: Welcome back. If you're just joining us, we're covering the breaking story that's rocked the internet, as a forum moderator is facing being stripped of her mod status and even a possible ban for allegedly having an affair... with one of the noobs under her care. The case is shocking, due mostly to the fact that the mod... is pretty hot. If the accusations are true, then... nice. Uh, looks like the defendant and her lawyer are about to give a statement, so we'll go straight to the scene.

[Cut to the front of the AGN courthouse. PrrKitty and her lawyer are standing outside the building, along with a podium with billions of microphones attached that looks like a cheap Doctor Who monster. She clears her throat and prepares to speak]

PrrKitty: I am deeply sorry to announce that the allegations against me are true. Over the past several weeks, I have been having physical relations with a noob.
Reporter: [Cut to see the reporters and onlookers reactions] Nice.
redmage777: Nissse.
PrrKitty: I know my actions were wrong, but I cannot be fully to blame. You see, I am an alcoholic.
ShadowTiger: ...ohhh.

[Cut to the AGN Cafe. A group of people, including Pineconn and Darth, are watching the report on TV. As PrrKitty speaks, Darth puts his head in his hand]

PrrKitty: [Over the TV] Yes, I'm afraid it's true.
Darth: Oh, I don't believe it.
Pineconn: What?
Darth: She's using the Mel Gibson defense, the clever bitch!

[Back to the courthouse]

PrrKitty: I am a perfectly good person, but when I drink, the alcohol makes me say and do things I wouldn't normally do.
Breaker: Well, that explains it.
Glitch: So, do we still press charges?
Breaker: Who are we gonna convict? Johnny Walker?
Reporter: Poor woman. She's a victim.
redmage777: Yeah, a hot victim.
Lawyer: [Stepping up to the mic] My client has agreed to check herself into rehab immediately.

[Everyone cheers. Cut to the Online Drug & Alcohol Rehabilitation Center. Patients line up and go in through a revolving door only to come back out and continue down the line. Inside, PrrKitty is talking to a counselor]

Counselor: Alcohol is a crutch which we use to medicate ourselves; to, to cover up emotional baggage from our past. Was there ever a history of sexual abuse in your family?
PrrKitty: [Looking away and clearly just going through the motions] No, but my uncle used to ask me and my twin sister to kiss and he'd take pictures.
[Counselor: Nissse. [Sometime later, they're outside the center. He's seeing her off] Congratulations, PrrKitty. You're clean. Now stay that way, y'hear?
PrrKitty: Will do!

[She walks away, gets into her truck and drives away. She drives up to the Pineconn_lolz's house, stops, gets out a ladder and extends it, props it up against his window, and climbs up. Inside Pineconn_lolz's room, he'sbuilding something with his Lego. PrrKitty appears at the window and opens it up]

PrrKitty: Lolz! [She climbs in and walks to him. He turns and stands, his arms outstretched]
Pineconn_lolz: PrrKitty! [They hug]
PrrKitty: Listen, we have to get out of here. They'll never let us be together. I think... I think we should go to Milan, like we always talked about.
Pineconn_lolz: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay, Mulan!
PrrKitty: Pack your stuff, we don't have much time!

Cut to outside. Pineconn is walking down the street, humming a merry tune to himself. He turns a corner and is almost run over by PrrKitty's truck as it speeds round. He recovers, then sees the ladder lying on Pineconn_lolz's house. He suddenly realizes what's happened and runs after the truck, which vanishes into the ether]

[Cut to the Breaker-Zord. The guys are lounging around again when Pineconn and Pineconn_lolz's mother run in]

Breaker: Are you sure you're not lying, Glitch?
Glitch: No, really! I shot both of them! They weren't even doin' nothin'!
Pineconn_lolz's Mum: Help! Please, I need your help! That moderator, PrrKitty, she, she left town with my son! I got a note saying they're going to Milan!
Breaker: You're kidding!
Pineconn_lolz's Mum: No, it's true! [She waves the note]
Breaker: Dammit! Where were all these sexed-up moderators when I was a noob?
Pineconn_lolz's Mum: This is serious!
ShadowTiger: Yeah, the boy's going to Milan with a beautiful older woman. Quick! Call the FBI! [The others laugh]
Pineconn_lolz's Mum: Are you going to do nothing?!
Breaker: [Irritated] All right all right, we'll make a report. Jesus...

[Sometime later, outside the AGN Cafe. Pineconn sits on one of the outside tables, depressed. Darth walks up to him]

Darth: There you are. What are you doing? You giving up, brah?!
Pineconn: The guy's in Milan. There's nothing I can do.
Darth: No, they haven't left yet. Their flight is tomorrow morning.
Pineconn: ...how the hell do you know that?
Darth: I had VEL check out their Travelocity account.
Pineconn: VEL?
Darth: Yeah, VEL is my bitch now. I put a whole crew together, brah. I'm gonna get that forum-defiling slut no matter what it takes! Are you in?!

[Another music video. In this one, Darth introduces his crew. We get 'VEL - Darth's Bitch', 'Lilith - Darth's Driver', 'Yoshiman - Darth's Muscle' and 'Pineconn - n00b'. All of them wear T-shirts with a little South-Park style Darth on them]

Darth:I got some badass guys to help me.
I only had to pay them twenty bucks.
You think you got away with not having a season pass?
You won't get away from me 'cause I'm the Dawg!
I am the Dawg, the big bad Dawg!
Think you can get away with not having a season pass? Think again! [The video ends and the hallway looks normal again] How was that, DarkDragon?
DarkDragon: Yeah, that was pretty good.
Pineconn: Can we please get going now?
Darth: Yep. That was the music video - now let's roll!

Cut to an airport Hilton, night. Planes can be seen behind it taking off. Zoom into one of the windows to reveal PrrKitty's room. Pineconn_lolz is in bed watching TV, and PrrKitty comes out of the bathroom in a dressing gown]

PrrKitty: Lolz, is that all you're gonna do - watch TV?
Pineconn_lolz: I love TV. Yaaay!
PrrKitty: [Climbing into bed] But what about me? I want to talk. [Pineconn_lolz just goes back to watching the TV]

[Cut to the inside of a car, night. Darth and his crew are driving to the airport, and by extension, the Hilton]

Darth: [Holding up a picture of PrrKitty] Everyone get a good look at our fugitive! I want her taken down fast and clean!
Yoshiman: She ran away; now she got to deal with the Dawg, huh?
Darth: ...yeah. Yeah she does. [Focusing] VEL found out they have a room at the Airport Hilton. We need to search it. Here's the hotel! [Speaks into a walkie-talkie] VEL, tell Lilith to pull up here! [She does so. The car pulls up to the hotel entrance and brakes quickly] All right, let's go! Move out! [They all leave the SUV and rush into the hotel]
Bellboy: Hey! You can't leave your car there!
Darth: It's Ok - I'm a forum mod! [The group pass through the front entrance] Keep separation! Lilith, check out our twenty!
Receptionist: Can I help you?
Darth: You seen this woman, brah? [He shows her the picture PrrKitty] She's staying here!
Receptionist: Who are you?
Darth: [Sings] I am the Dawg, the big bad Dawg...
Head Concierge: I think you should leave, before I call the police!
Darth: VEL! Bear-mace that guy! [She sprays bear mace all over the concierge and he crumbles to the floor, trying to vomit] Let's check out the rooms! Lilith, Pineconn: you go that way! VEL, you're with me!
Bellboy: [Dials 911 on his mobile] We need the police here, right away!

[Darth begins his rounds. He goes to Room 236 and knocks on the door with the bear mace can]
Guest 1: [Opening the door] Yes?
Darth: I'm looking for this mod. [Out with the picture again] Is she in your room, brah?!
Guest 2: [An elderly man in Room 233 opens his door] Do you mind keepin' it down?
Darth: [Walks over to the second guest and threatens him with his bear mace] Keep your mouth shut, brah!!

[PrrKitty's room. Both of them react to something. In the distance, police sirens sound and get closer to the hotel. PrrKitty looks out the window and sees three police cruisers pull up to the hotel, right outside her window]

PrrKitty: Oh no! Pineconn_lolz! [He climbs up to see the commotion] They're on to us!
Pineconn_lolz: Oh no!
PrrKitty: Hurry darling! We have to get out of here!

[Meanwhile, the police rush into the hotel lobby. The bear maced concierge is vomiting over the floor]

Officers: What have we got? What have we got?!
Officer: Who called 911?!
Receptionist: They went that way. [She points in the direction Pineconn and Lilith took. The concierge throws up again. The officers leave] Look out! They have bear mace!

[The hotel, upstairs. Pineconn and Lilith make the rounds on the third floor]

Lilith: [Knocking on a door] Open up, I'm with a psychopathic Sith Lord! [Her walkie talkie sounds up - she answers it]
Darth: [Over walkie talkie] I heard that.
Lilith: ...how the hell'd he do that?
Pineconn: Oh crap! [He's seem some officers round the corner at the far end of the hall]
Officer: [Draws his gun] You freeze right there! [Pineconn and Lilith run in the other direction]

[The fifth floor. PrrKitty covers up and peeks into the hallway. She looks both ways, then steps out of the room]

PrrKitty: Come on, darling! [Pineconn_lolz steps out and they beginning walking. Yoshiman rounds the corner behind them and catches them]
Yoshiman: Ha! [The pair stop and the camera zooms in on Yoshiman as he fumbles with his walkie talkie. Eventually he gets it working] Uh I got 'em, Dawg. Fifth floor!
Darth: Praise Christ! Let's go! [The elderly man is convulsing from the effects of the bear mace]
PrrKitty: Lolz, run! Back on the second floor, Darth and VEL run down a hallway]
Darth: Bear mace that guy! And that guy! [VEL maces another bellboy and a guest as she and Darth run by. Police officers round the corner and run after them]

[Cut to the roof. PrrKitty and Pineconn_lolz have made it all the way to the top. Dart, VEL and Yoshiman show up behind them and run out onto the roof. Police officers show up behind them and run out onto the roof ]

Darth: Freeze, bitch!
Officers: Freeze! Hands up! Don't move! Etc!
Darth: It's all right! There's been a misunderstanding! I'm a moderator. [The officers are somewhat stunned] This fugitive is trying to avoid a forum infraction by skipping off to Milan.
Officer: Hey, that is the mod we just got the report about. [She and Pineconn_lolz back up slowly, towards the roof's edge. Pineconn and Lilith show up]
Officer: [Through his megaphone] All right PrrKitty, you've got nowhere to run!
PrrKitty: Why couldn't you just leave us alone? All we wanted was to love.
Darth: Get down! We can do this the easy way, or we can do it Dawg-style!
Yoshiman: She gawt a scarf awn her heyd, huh?
Darth: God dammit Yoshi, shut up.
PrrKitty: It's all over, Lolz. Milan, the house in Tuscany. They'll never let us be together! We have to go with the backup plan. [She and Pineconn_lolz walk to the roof's edge and look down at the ground]
Officer: [Through his megaphone] Now hold on, don't do anything foolish! We can talk about this!
PrrKitty: [Returning from the edge with Pineconn_lolz] You can't accept our love? So then we can only be together in eternity!
Pineconn: [Steps through the crowd towards Pineconn_lolz] No! Don't do it, man!
Pineconn_lolz: I don deser futty bad man.
Pineconn: Look, please. I know your first love seems like the only love, but trust me, it's not. You have so much life ahead of you. [Pineconn_lolz looks at Pineconn intently]
PrrKitty: You who don't believe in true love don't understand.
Pineconn: You need to have a life. Have fun. Then ruin it by having a serious relationship.
PrrKitty: I'm afraid you're too late. [To Pineconn_lolz] Are you ready, my love? [She and Pineconn_lolz turn around and run for the edge] Here we go! One, two, three, aaaahhh! [She steps onto the edge, but stops. Pineconn_lolz goes all the way and jumps off. He lands face first onto the pavement and splatters, his remains looking somewhat like a badly made pizza. PrrKitty watches this, then steps off the ledge back onto the roof]
PrrKitty: God, what an idiot.
Pineconn: Wait, what?
Darth: Well, I guess that's one way of wrapping this case up.
Pineconn: But... but I was supposed to save him! It was gonna be the whole crux of the episode!
PrrKitty: Oh, shut up. He was an asshole. He deserved to die.
Pineconn: Well yeah, but I thought I was gonna do it.
PrrKitty: Then you thought wrong, didn't you?
Darth: [Moves towards the camera] Well, looks like once again, the Dawg has prevailed. I hope you've learned, kids, that if you don't go with Christ, you could end up just like that Mozart masterpiece down on the pavement.
Officer: Hey, you guys need to get off the roof now.
Darth: That's cool. I'm done making my video anyway. [He walks towards the camera and turn it off]

THE END

Until I think of another one, anyway.

BEST FRICKIN STORY EVER! Although I sure as hell didn't think you would create the Prrkitty + Lolz affair thingy :naughty: :laughing: :glare: :disgust: :kitty: :highfive: :thumbsup:. That made me laugh out loud at the school library and I got kicked out for the day.

...odd. Funny as hell, tho. Are you still copying South Park? This seems more original.

I am still copying South Park. This is a bastardization of one of my favorite episodes, Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy, from Series 10. It does seem more original then the other SP-based stories I've done, but I think that's to do with the larger number of AGN 'concepts' I've used - Forum Moderators, the Breaker-Zord, that sort of thing. It also helps that the original story is a cracker. You can grab it from the site linked, if you haven't seen it already.

And majoras_wrath: That means I win. 😛

Holy gee whillickers. Darth Marsden, I'd say you're well on the road to immortality.

I did one of these way back in the day. It was called "Zuhlduh Classuhk", and it was inspired by the Terranigma dialogue spoof written by underTakr and Dais, called "Turruhnigmuh". It featured such characters as Eckels, Nightmare, Warlock, and myself (using my previous screenname of course). It was well received by Eckels, but now its content would be about 6 years out of date (and therefore, would have been pruned). We've needed some of these for a while, without realizing it, I think.

Wow...

Darth Mardsen, seriously? How long did it take you to write that? I'm not even bothering to read that.

I would insert something witty here about Pineconn, but alas, i'm running out of time.

If thats an insult to Darth, you can go just hang yourself from a tree.

If it's not an insult at Darth, I would assume all of about 10-15 minutes. If not less.

For the record, I recommend you read that as A) you could learn something and B) It's funny

Darth Marsden wrote:
We get 'VEL - Darth's Bitch', 'Lilith - Darth's Driver', 'Yoshiman - Darth's Muscle' and 'Pineconn - n00b'.

*ignores that*

~

God that's hilarious. At least you made Lolz shut up. :tongue:

And I still titanically remind that this is fictitious, brah!

Sorry, I just had to say that. Braaaaah.

So, Darth, what's going to happen when you run out of South Park episodes? In like twenty years. It is a lot funnier if you know people around here, I must admit.

Yeah, y'know Darth, you kind of just forced yourself to end the story by killing off my pitiful namesake. Badly made pizza, huh?

I've had my 15 minutes in the spotlight, you can pick someone else now if ya want. Of course I don't really care, as long as whatever you [strike]copy[/strike] [strike]plagiarize[/strike] [strike]steal[/strike] write is funny. 😉

*about dies laughing*... I was wondering how you were gonna end it... I haven't laughed so hard in my life as I have reading that!

I'm at a loss for words Darthy... too freakin funny to be offended.

Darth Marsden wrote:Judging by your avatar Dechipher, you're still under my influence...

Dechipher actually has a cool avatar now, and I can so see him in your story. My favorite part is near the beginning when you are in the office with him and War Lord, and he's saying he is against it. I could so see him in that scene right there with that avatar. Perfect casting!

Edit: I just wish Chip would thin his avatar so it doesn't stretch the postbit. I wish someone would redo the avatar width limit so that wouldn't happen.

[quote="Glenn"]Edit: I just wish Chip would thin his avatar so it doesn't stretch the postbit. I wish someone would redo the avatar width limit so that wouldn't happen.[/quote]
I thought that was a silly thing to complain about, so I couldn't help but poke fun.

<---

Also, congratulations to everyone (read: Darth) for bring a lame thread to life.

gdorf wrote:I thought that was a silly thing to complain about, so I couldn't help but poke fun.

On my personal Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, Aesthetic Need outranks everything but Physical Needs and Self-Actualization.

Pineconn lolz wrote:Wow...

Darth Mardsen, seriously? How long did it take you to write that? I'm not even bothering to read that.

Runs away crying

Slightly more seriously: It takes me about an hour to 90 minutes to write each part, so with three parts, I estimate this took me about 5 hours. As I have said before, way too much free time. Still, if it makes so many people happy, then it's worth every second and I don't regret it for a minute.

I may run out of South Park episodes, but that won't stop me. As threatened before, I do have some original ideas floating around in this big ol' brain of mine, and let's not forget that there are hundreds of other shows out there I can bastardize my way through! For the moment though, I think we're good.

If you've see the episode I've hacked, you'll know the episode ended rather suddenly. Aside from the name changes and switching 'hall monitor' to 'forum moderator', this episode is pretty much intact. I've just tweaked the ending round so that the idiot died instead of the uber-cool person. And speaking of her, glad you enjoyed this so much, PrrKitty. Always nice to make other people smile.

I think I'll reserve future stories to when they're appropriate, like this one. That way when I start one, people are pleasantly surprised and it's a nice break from the norm. Also, being known as 'the story teller' is a title I feel worthy of 😊 For the moment, I think I'd like to concentrate my efforts on my novel and have these be entertaining distractions.

Finally: Pineconn, I didn't know what else to call you. It wasn't meant as an insult, honest! Juts think of yourself as the newest member of their little gang, which has promptly broken up and will never be heard of again because I didn't have the cash to pay them 😛

This thread is about as useful as a asshole on my elbow.

Glitch wrote:This thread is about as useful as a asshole on my elbow.

Knowing you, that's a real compliment.

Glitch wrote:This thread is about as useful as a asshole on my elbow.

We could say the same about you, my darling.

😊

Darth Marsden wrote:...but... I wrote the thing for you! Do you know how hurt my feelings are? How could you say something like that? Hours, it took me, hours of my life, toiling away, copying, editing, re-typing, and you just blow it away without a second thought? Have you no feelings at all? You... you monster!

Runs away crying

Pineconn lolz is known by many people at my school to be a mountain hermit. Someone is considerably concerned that he may indeed become a social outcast. Good thing he has no connections to get a hold of a gun...

the same dude wrote:Finally: Pineconn, I didn't know what else to call you. It wasn't meant as an insult, honest! Juts think of yourself as the newest member of their little gang, which has promptly broken up and will never be heard of again because I didn't have the cash to pay them 😛

Nah, I was just wondering what was up with that.

Well... This has been an interesting thread. Can't wait for the next distraction.

Pineconn wrote:Pineconn lolz is known by many people at my school to be a mountain hermit. Someone is considerably concerned that he may indeed become a social outcast. Good thing he has no connections to get a hold of a gun...

A) That you know of

B) Yet......

Pineconn lolz is known by many people at my school to be a mountain hermit. Someone is considerably concerned that he may indeed become a social outcast. Good thing he has no connections to get a hold of a gun...

Perhaps the same could be said of you, although I can think of a grand total of one person who has ever made any reference to the fact that I don't talk much (which is untrue). Also, you wouldn't use a gun to kill us. Just bad jokes and other subtle, perverse sayings.

If thats an insult to Darth, you can go just hang yourself from a tree.

I guess i'm off to that tree. I'm fond of the one over near that river, but you can help me decided. Wanna watch, too?

Pineconn lolz wrote:

Pineconn wrote:Pineconn lolz is known by many people at my school to be a mountain hermit. Someone is considerably concerned that he may indeed become a social outcast. Good thing he has no connections to get a hold of a gun...

Perhaps the same could be said of you, although I can think of a grand total of one person who has ever made any reference to the fact that I don't talk much (which is untrue). Also, you wouldn't use a gun to kill us. Just bad jokes and other subtle, perverse sayings.

Chill out, I was kidding. Whoa... me a hermit? I scoff at your words.

==========================

A couple months ago my school's gifted English class (and my namesake is in it) had to write a journal page about what would happen to us if we were stranded on an island, just like in Lord of the Flies. The teacher thought mine was the best, so I feel like posting it right now. I replaced all the names with AGNers, such as the teacher with War Lord, the true Lolz as himself, etc. There is no dialogue, nor is it anywhere near as funny as Darth's literary works of art. So, here ya go:

==========================

One day War Lord's 2nd period English class is flying to Hawaii for a field trip. I suppose that we would be studying Hawaiian literature. However, something goes horribly wrong and, the next thing, we find ourselves crashing into an island. Luckily, the pilot - War Lord - jumps out of the plane at a high enough altitude, with a parachute, so that the westerlies drift him all the way to California. Unharmed, he calls for a rescue party and a search for 24 boys and girls begins.

Because I have watched the reality show Survivor since its debut, I have a general view of how life would be. Unfortunately, we don't have a machete, fresh water, or occasional check-ups by Jeff Probst. Obviously, from the get-go, a leader emerges: Glenn. Being a natural leader and generally funny guy, mostly all of us decide Glenn should be our George W. Bush. He concludes that we need a hunting party, and himself, Breaker, Glitch, moocow, Amaster, majoras_wrath, a few noobs (including Pineconn lolz), and myself volunteer. The rest stay back and are told to make shelter.

The hunters and I spend about 15 minutes searching in the vegetated woods, for any sign of life when we find a deer trail. Out of common human curiosity we wholly decide to follow it. Though being a Boy Scout, I'm too frustrated by the crash and excited by the hunt to notice that the deer tracks are pointing in the opposite way that we are going. Unluckily for us, we were unknowingly headed back to the group of everyone else.

Back at to-be-camp, two cliques are quickly formed: High reps and low reps. Some of higher-ups (Darth Marsden, AtmaWeapon, Prrkitty, and ShadowTiger) head into the forest for branches and twigs for a lean-to shelter. Hearing a rustling sound in the forest, they decide that it would be great if they could beat the hunting group to the first killing of an animal, so they inch toward the sound.

As this happens, the hunting party also hears a rustling sound near them. Pineconn lolz, excited, grabs a large branch and throws it at the rustling sound. The hunting party, expecting a dead deer or possibly a raccoon, finds themselves looking at Darth Marsden, AtmaWeapon, Prrkitty, and ShadowTiger, only sprawled on the ground and soaked in red stuff. Pineconn lolz, a little ashamed, disgusted, and shocked of killing higher-ups, goes berserk and jumps off a cliff into the ocean.

That night, lightning_z incessantly accuses us that we, the hunters, should have stopped Lolz's throwing the log. MottZilla gets ticked off and throws a rather large rock at him; lightning_z finds himself rolling over like a bowling pin. However, before his imminent death, lightning_z pushes MottZilla into the bonfire that we had made with MottZilla's glasses [SIZE="1"][note: the real person I used has glasses - I don't know if you do!][/SIZE] earlier that day. Hungry, the remaining survivors and I decide to eat lightning_z. We didn't really care that we were eating human flesh, but he at least tasted better than KFC's country fried steak. MottZilla, being burnt to a crisp, probably wouldn't taste very good.

Due to other random events like this in the coming weeks, Freedom and _L_ die (due to violent arguing that there are too much/not enough features in ZC 2.5), as do Lilith and Dechipher (for unneeded-to-know reasons, I suppose). At least this saves us the task of finding meat. Beldaran, becoming jealous of Glenn's power, decides to impersonate Glenn and begins telling us what to do. All of us become a little tired of him, so we fool him into believing that he is taking part in a ritual to be chief, but we actually kill him. Glenn, who has resorted back to primitive instincts (and really long hair), stands over Beldaran's remains, almost proud of his accomplishments. Of course, killing Beldaran was his idea. Some leader. As this happens, a huge ship with some big shot navy guys and War Lord comes onto the beach. We are all rescued and get transported back to the AGN Cafe, but Glenn is convicted of murder and does two to three in the crazy house.

When the rest of the remaining 10 people and I are asked of what happened to the rest of everyone, we try to prevent ourselves from going to jail by saying that some got lost in the woods, while others went crazy and jumped off a cliff. (Well, at least the latter half of that is true.) We return to normal life at school, minus some people, and receive War Lord's usual numerous homework assignments. However, because half of his class is missing, we get double the amount of work for the rest of the year.

(No people were really killed in the writing of this journal page.)

==========================

Definitely not South Park gold, but whatever. I replaced names pretty quickly, so sorry if someone believes that s/he thinks that s/he should be in it, or if s/he believes that s/he should be in a different position of power.

Pineconn lolz wrote:
I guess i'm off to that tree. I'm fond of the one over near that river, but you can help me decided. Wanna watch, too?

Too far, too lazy to go to where you live. I have a big one in my back yard you can use. Instead of watching it live, get a video camera, and post it on MySpace. I'll look up "mindless idiot hanging himself" 😃

this thread

this thread what?