...yeah, just the one more bit to this one. I've veered so far off the original South Park plot it's somewhat worrying, but I'll come up with something. Still, there are plenty of other shows to rip-off... sorry, parody.
[The drive-in, 6:45. Everyone is still asleep. CUT TO Darth, who's striking a dramatic pose on top of a building just as the sun's rising. It looks like a comic book cover. Suddenly Darth leaps off and lands on one of those tarpin covers. Rather then bounce off, it tears and he falls straight through, landing arkwardly on his arm. He moans in pain, gets up and quickly runs off, clutching his shoulder. Meanwhile, the old folks are forming in the center of town.]
Bill: Alright. If we're gonna do this, we'll have to do it quickly.
AARP Member: That'll be a problem.
Bill: Huh?? Well, as quickly as we can. First, we kill all the young people. Then, we move on to the next town!
AARP Members: Yeah! That's the ticket! We'll show them who's in charge! Etc!
Beldaran's Grandad: [Looking apalled] You're actually going to go through with this? You're... you're insane!
Bill: Don't you label me with that young person slander! We're taking back this country, with or without you! Now c'mon everyone! Let's move!
[The crowd start moving. Slowly. Beldaran's Grandad looks on, aghast, as they move. Zoom out to Darth, who's watching this from side street.]
Darth: Not in my town.
[He slinks back into the shadows. CUT TO the crowd, very slowly moving along towards the drive-in, where everyone is still asleep. The one at the very back is suddenly pulled into a side alley by Darth, who bonks her over the head with a nearby trashcan. After he bashes her, he grabs at his shoulder, obviously in pain. He probes it with his hand and after a minutes lets out an 'Ohh' of realisation, then yanks the shoulder forward suddenly. There's a loud pop as the bone pops back into its socket. He utters the word 'Mommy' quite pathetically before coming to his senses and moving on. CUT TO the drive-in. Bill has finally reached the compound and he eyes all the still-sleeping people inside. He grins maniacally.]
Bill: Ah yes, young hooligans. You'll never oppress us again. Come on folks! Let's show them what we're made off!
[He turns round, only to find that there's one elderly woman still there. He looks on in amazement.]
Bill: Wha... where's everyone else?
AARP Member: I... I don't know. They were right behind me a minute ago...
[Suddenly a brick comes flying from offscreen and conks her on the head. She falls down unconcious as Darth Marsden walks into the shot.]
Darth: It's over. Don't make me hurt you... much.
Bill: Huh?? You... did you take everyone out?
Darth: Well, it wasn't hard. You were moving so slowly I managed to finish off War and Peace in between knockouts. Dunno why it's got such a good rep, it's dull as hell, that book.
Bill: Well, I'm not going down without a fight! Put 'em up, you young scalliwag!
[He puts up his fists in an attempted manner to be imposing. Darth merely ignites his lightsaber and walks up to him. As he feebly throws a punch, Darth slices off his arm. It falls to the ground and the hand twitches into giving him the finger before dying. Darth looks up and smiles.]
Darth: Now stand aside, you old fool.
Bill: Huh?? 'Tis but a scratch.
Darth: A scratch? Your arm's off!
Bill: No, it isn't.
Darth: Well what's that then? [He points to the severed arm]
Bill: ...I've had worse.
Darth: Bollocks you have!
Bill: Come on, you young pansy!
[He throws his other arm at Darth, who slices it off just as easily. It too gives him the finger after it hits the floor.]
Darth: Hah! Victory is mine, old man.
Bill: Huh?? Come on, then. Have at you!
Darth: You what? Look, I'll give credit where it's due, but I've beaten you, ok?
Bill: Oh, had enough, eh?
Darth: Look you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!
Bill: Yes, I have.
Darth: Look at them! [He points to the pair lying on the ground]
Bill: Just a flesh wound. [He starts kicking Darth]
Darth: Stop that.
Bill: Oh, chicken, eh? [Keeps kicking Darth] Chicken!
Darth: If you don't pack that in I'll lop your leg off.
[Bill kicks Darth again and so off it comes. It lands on the floor next to the left arm. Darth turns the lightsaber off - it's clearly over.]
Bill: Right! I'll do you for that!
Darth: What are you gonna do, bleed on me?
Bill: Huh?? Ooo, you young hippie, I'll tear you to pieces, just like I did in Nam!
[Bill hops over to Darth and butts him with his head. Darth can't quite believe this and is about to walk away when Bill headbutts him again. Irritated he turns the lightsaber on again and slices off Bill's remaining leg. He falls to the ground, somehow managing to stay upright. Bill looks over his limbs now lying on the ground.]
Bill: Alright, we'll call it a draw.
Darth: ...whatever. [He starts walking past Bill towards the drive-in]
Bill: Oh... oh, I see! Running away, eh? You yellow-livered coward! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!
Darth: [Now in the distance] Shut up!
[Some time later. The Army is milling around the area, picking up the pensioners that Darth had taken out. They pass by in the background during the rest of this scene, and are decorated in a variety of items - one is trapped in the middle of a flower garden, another has a vase rammed over their head, a third is forced to hop as their legs have been tied together with a garden hose, that sort of thing. The officer from before walks over to Darth, talking into a walkie-talkie as he does so.]
Officer: All right everyone, area secure. Collect their weapons and free the hostages. [He lowers the walkie-talkie] Well, good work Darth. You may very well have saved this entire country.
Beldaran: Walks into shot along with PrrKitty, Lilith and Elise, rubbing his eyes as if he's just woken up]Whoa-ho-ho-ooh, what happened? Is it over?
Officer: Everything is fine. Control of the town is back to you folks.
Soldier: [Escorting Beldaran's Grandad up to the group] What do you want to do with this one, sir?
Officer: Well, I guess that's up to the townsfolk.
Beldaran: Well, I think he learned his lesson. Huh? Don't you feel silly now, Grandad? I think somebody owes us all an apology. Yes he does.
Elise: Oh, stop it! This was partly your fault!
Beldaran: Huh??
Lilith: She's right, Beldaran. All your grandfather wants is not to be talked to like a child. I think half of what he was angry about wasn't what you were doing, but how you were doing it.
Grandad: Yeah, that's right.
PrrKitty: And you should be proud that you made it through life to be a senior, but you should also realize that, when you're behind the wheel, you're a killing machine.
Grandad: ...I know. I guess sometimes us seniors need to know when to stop driving so we don't put the responsibility on our families.
Beldaran: Well, I think this has been a real learning experience for us all. People died, but we all grew a bit. Let's just go home.
Grandad: Sure. I'll drive.
Beldaran: [Laughs] That's my Grandad. [Walks off with his grandfather]
Darth: [Beat] I hate this town sometimes. I really do.
END