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It's your fucking birthday

37 replies · 7,197 views · Started 08 March 2009

Dechipher 08 Mar 2009, 06:38

Yeah, boi

Happy Birthday to Ctrl+Alt+Del, also known as Kolt. He's like 22 now. Or something stupid like that.

rock_nog 08 Mar 2009, 14:49

Happy birthday! And damnit, I guess now we'll never know the consequences of a lack of birthday thread.

ctrl-alt-delete 16 Mar 2009, 16:12

Long story short:

Okay, so I'm having a huge party at my house with upwards of 40 guests...

The majority of the guests are underage minors which are consuming alcohol.

Music too loud, people outside smoking too loud, cops show up.

They tell us since this is the 5th time they've been out, that they are either writing us a fine or waiting outside until all the guests leave and they will talk to every single one of them for "suspicion."

My roommate comes to tell me our two options...I choose option number 1, telling him to tell them to write the fucking ticket and leave, and no matter what, do not let them in the house.

The douchebag police officer asks if he can enter the residence and my roommate tells him no, go away.

So he starts yelling at the top of his lungs, "Fine, this is fucking bullshit...blawdy fucking blawdy oink i'm pissed i'm going to sit out here all night..."

So he leaves and posts up this lady cop at the end of the driveway next door.

Naturally, some of my guests are spooked, so they decide to leave.

They get pulled over, their car gets searched for suspicion, and they get a ticket written for "floating a stop sign."

I make all of my guests go down to the den so everyone can get all the stories straight...who's in trouble, etc.

I tried to get everyone to shutup, but they wouldn't, no matter how many times I asked...

Meanwhile, two of my roommates that are legally able to drink are standing outside in the driveway drinking with two other guests that are also legally able to drink.

Realizing that nobody is going to shutup, and the cop is going to be outside all night because it is so fucking loud, I decide to take matters into my own hands.

I go out to the cops passenger window and ask her to move her vehicle so my guests can safely leave. She says I'm not moving, I'm a bitch, etc.

So I start cussing her out at the top of my lungs, spitting out law after law to which she replies, "Yeah, you're right...you're right...can't argue with you, you're right."

Jeff and Asa, my two roommates, are standing behind me the whole time...

The quote of the night was me telling her, "You can't fucking argue with me, I'm a fucking genius!"

Anyways, I told her to move her car again...she wouldn't listen, so I decided to dial 911 to have another officer dispatched to decide if she should in fact move her car so my guests can leave.

Jeff and Asa walk away for a minute...the lady cop tells me that somebody is going to jail, and that if I want to be the face of the party, that can be me and they'll leave...

In the meantime, she calls back the douchebag guy...

He gets there, pulls out his flashlight, and shines it in my face.

I tell him that's not threatening...I look to her and said, "Maybe you should try it though...might have made you a little more threatening."

He asks me what the problem is, I start to explain it to him...

He is standing in the middle of the street and says, "Come over here and talk to me!"

Trap.

I obey, and as soon as I get to him, he says, "Now you're drunk in public...DO YOU WANT TO GO TO JAIL?"

Which I accidentally reply yes to, hilarity ensues.

I tell him I don't want to go to jail, I just want my guests to be able to safely leave...

All the while, I'm thinking, "If I just go to jail, they'll leave...they can't pin anything on me but a public intox, which I can fight easy...if I don't go to jail, they could arrest my guests and try to charge me with providing alcohol to minors...etc."

He finally tells me to turn around, arrests me, takes me to jail, does all the booking shit, puts me in a small little room for about 4 hours, and then they release me.

Happy 22nd birthday!

Masamune 16 Mar 2009, 16:28

Oh no. 😞 That's some fucked up shit, man. Never trust a cop. Even though their job is supposedly to protect you, in reality, their job is to fuck you over and make your life difficult.

FirstWizZedd45 17 Mar 2009, 04:35

Oh, yeah... Sorry, I'm Jeff, Kolt's roomate, I also own the house, and was in the story. Jaime, everytime you saw Kolt at the movies, I was the guy sitting next to him.