I am going to apply at Wal Mart because, and I say again: I do not have better options at my disposal. I live in a shittastic city where Wal Mart is one of the nicer stores, everything else is more redneck/tiny/not likely to hire/just as bad or worse. A job at a fast food place would be better than, say, a cardboard box on the street, but especially in our run-down ass craptastic hick versions, I really don't think it'd be better than Wal Mart.
If one lives in this craptastic town but doesn't shop at Wal Mart, they have very, very limited options on buying... all kinds of things. There's maybe one clothes store in town, there were two grocery stores (of the same damn chain, yay monopoly) and Wal Mart has now caused one of them to close. There are almost no places that sell books, office supplies, toys, or what have you anywhere else in town. Perhaps better advice than "don't go to Wal Mart" is "never go to Graham, Texas" or more straightforwardly "Never go to Texas."
But I don't have these options. I need to do the best I can with what I'm supplied with so I can get out and do better things. So Wal Mart it is; it's useless for me for anyone to post here saying "OMG don't go to wal mart </3 </3 </3". I appreciate what you're trying to say and thank you for trying to talk me out of it, but such advice really is of no practical use to me in this situation.
That said, thank you to those who gave me advice on actually applying. In addition to this thread I've managed to talk to someone who recently worked for Wal Mart and get some insight on what I'm trying to do. Basically, my plan at this stage is:
1. Go and fill out an application (and maybe apply in one or two other hopefuls that I highly doubt I'll get taken at- the Library is one of the better-looking places but all that works there are middle-age ladies I think); on the application put in several areas I could work in and make sure to include checkout, one of the better places for promotion to full-time.
2. Wait for a call, ask around if nothing happens or reapply if necessary.
3. Go in for an interview blandly dressed with my hair back, act like a yes man, pee in a cup.
4. repeat #3 with some other person because Wal Mart is way awesome- maybe the cup part only once though.
5. Start working, be careful not to screw anything up, work hard to keep up with it, experiment with what I can get away with with my hair (like having it down)- cautiously-, and never tell anyone at Wal Mart that I only plan to work a few months (they don't need to know that). With luck I might get a full-time position, or maybe not; either way has some advantages, I guess.
6. Quit sometime next year and probably never work for Wal Mart again; possibly steal my vest when I leave unless they've got shortage issues or some such.