The Night Before Christmas
�Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
Everyone was baked, even the mouse.
My mom�s at the whore house, my dad�s smoking grass,
I had just settled for a nice piece of ass.
When up on the rooftop, I heard such a clatter,
I got off your sister to see what's the matter.
And what to my stoned eyes should suddenly appear,
A shitty old sleigh and eight fuckin� reindeer.
I noticed an fat old elf who was beating his dick,
I knew at that second, it must be St. Nick!
Down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
I knew in that moment, that the fat fuck had fell.
He got off his ass to look at his list,
If my name�s not on it, boy I�ll be pissed!
He filled up our stockings with reefer and beer,
And a pink rubber dildo, for my brother who�s queer.
My mom got panties flavored like licorice,
And a flaming pile of dog shit for my dad who is Jewish.
Up the chimney with a thunderous fart,
That son-of-a-bitch blew my chimney apart.
He stomped around my roof with an angry call,
�Onward ya bastards, or I�ll chop off your balls!�
And I heard him say as he chugged down his beer,
�Fuck all you assholes, and I�ll see you next year!�
Merry Christmas!