How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are
sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
This one's for you, Prrkitty.
You missed two of my favorites:
How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
-None, the bitch can cook in the dark.
What do you say to a women with two black eyes?
-Nothing, she's already been told twice.
yeah, I'm going to hell.
m.
Those are hilarious.
Mercy, I'm coming with you.
Originally posted by Dechipher
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Rock on 😉
Why are men's pants designed with such a huge bulge in the front?
Because areas with broken bones tend to swell.
Why can't we all just get along... *shakes head*
ROFLOL!!! Thanks Dechy and everyone... I needed the laugh.
*sending Dechy a truck load of chocolate*... that should be payment in full <EG> 😉
BIG hug!!
LMAO I like that.
I just wanna say that I'm going stand way over there just in case there happens to be some very power feministic force which seeks revenge on male chauvinists that comes in..
(I will grant you the Miss Right having the first name Always is a bit funny.)
Originally posted by Dechipher
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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Those 2 r funny :lol:
Those are so funny. They're just so wrong, but still funny. :kawaii:
OMG, Dechipher! You asshole! How dare you degrade women like that, and make it so DAMN FUNNY?!
*moocow DIES laughing...
Well Moocow, such are the mysteries of Life. 😛 :laughing:
Great ones, Dechipher. 😉 :thumbsup: I hope more men read this, and laugh, then cry when their wives ..well... as Jennifer said,
Why are men's pants designed with such a huge bulge in the front?
Because areas with broken bones tend to swell.
:rofl:
Forgot this one...
When do you know a woman has been drivin' a BMW all day?
When she is Bitching, Moaning, and Whining.
A true classic, Dechipher... or should I be thanking Prrkitty for the inspiration 😉
Now if only I can get my bitch to cook me some grub...
Haha, those are great!
Q:What do you do if your dishwasher quits working?
A:Shorten her chain.
:laughing:
ahhh You forgot Goat's classic. What does a woman do after she leaves the battered wives shelter?
The dishes if she knows what's good for her.
And this one.....
Why did the woman cross the road?
Who cares, why was she out of the kitchen?
heh 😉
Every year, more than 50,000 women are battered... but I eat mine plain. 😊
That one's bad, I know... I saw it on a bumper sticker on some guy's truck... ass.