Ok I'll give a full rundown of each one 😉
Version 1:
Intro - Nothing wrong here. After listening to them a few more times, the length of them really doesn't bother me at all. They flow nicely into the song as a whole. I still think perhaps some panning of that creepy staticy sound would be quite nice. Oddly enough, on my first listen, it reminded me of the creepy staticy radio from Silent Hill games, still does actually.
1:00 - Enters what, to me, appears to be the melody line with a nice volume slide into it... along with the ambiently panned bleeps. Nothing wrong here either, each track can be heard clear as they come in.
1:10 - In comes the bass line, no prob 😉
2:00 - In comes what I would say is your main main melody line, continuing on...
2:31 - Song is taken into a sort of hip-hop sounding beat, nice change, very smooth. Welcome back creepy sound effects from intro. I'd still fiddle around with a possible pan for the creepy radio thing here as well.
2:48 - Switch from hip-hop type mode back to main song. Nice 😉
3:00 - Enters piano pans to both left and right, no problems here as both can be easily heard and sounds just fine.
3:37 - End on the final drum beat.
Version 2:
Intro - Same as Version 1 comments. Nothing wrong here.
0:56 - Enter the volume slide of what I'd say is your melody line, along with the ambient bleeps and bass line.
2:00 - To me, everything runs well up until this point. Perhaps you intended it to be this way and that's cool if you did, but it sounds funny when you considering Version 1 and so far, Version 2 as a whole. Your melody line comes back. Only this time it's barely audible. Being as faint as it is, everything else drowns it out. It's a long volume slide before (15-20 seconds) it becomes loud enough to effectively blend in with the surroundings. Quite a change from your initial 0:56 volume slide intro of it. Interesting nevertheless 😉
2:47 - Enter the hip-hop sounding change, along with the creepy intor sound effects.
3:03 - Bye bye hip hop, back to initial tune.
3:19 - Enter the piano pans again, nice.
3:50 - End on drum beat.
Both Versions: Come to think of it, your ending on the drum beats is a good idea. But considering the force of the drum hits in the intro, the one you've chosen to end on sounds a bit weak. The ones in the intro seem to have more of a definate kick to them, which I'm assuming you probably used 2 drum samples simultaniously to create (adding one for the kick). The final drum beat doesn't appear to have that kick. You came in with some heavy drum kicks, why not leave with one 😉
As far as which version I like better, I'd say Version 1. That long volume slide at 2:00 in Version 2 seems to drag out a bit, and to me doesn't seem to mesh well when considering the intro volume slide of it at 0:56.
Nice work though, and no I haven't yet downloaded your other mp3's but I will as soon as I get a chance 😉