Depression

[SUCCESSOR]

I am sure you have noticed I haven't been around much. It hasn't been lack of opportunity either. I just haven't really felt up to it. Anyone who knows me, so maybe two of you, knows I have struggled with depression before. I am not going to go into details about what caused it because I am not the same man I was 5 years ago who would share everything and anything about my life and not give a shit about what you thought about it. I am not seein a shrink or anything. I know what depression feels like. I even took a few of those online tests and scored high for Moderate depression. If my last head doctor is to be believe then I have been depressed for the last atleast 15 years and just learned to repress it like a person in chronic pain represses the pain til they don't really realize it is there anymore.

This isn't that though. I am grieving. I am finding it really hard to even force myself to do the things I enjoy. One of those things happens to be getting myself in front of the computer. I can't really say when I will overcome my grief or if the depression will go with it. I had my first panic attack a week or so ago. In my sleep of all things. Any one who suffers from panic disorder I truly feel for you. That had to have been one of the worst moments of my life.

I am trying to get back into the things I usually enjoy. If you have noted my absence on here or IRC, I am sorry. I can assure you I am as alright as I can be and am not going to blow my brains out. It feels like my capacity for things to care about is extremely shallow at the moment. Those who know how to reach me can reach me. I may be a bit slower about getting back to you though.

In any case here is this warm and sunny topic about depression. I am sure a few of you have dealt with it. ...

[Ventus]

I feel for you man I know how depression feels and I know that it really never goes away... as much as a doctor I seen has told me antidepressants would sort me out which they did not. though I've never had a panic attack I have seen my sister had one it was terrifying to witness it. I hope that your depression lightens up SUCCESSOR... My heart goes out to you.

[Brasel]

Dude, it sucks. I know. I wish I could say something that would help, but more than likely, it'd just come out as a "one upper" type situation. Just know that you aren't alone, and other people go through it too.

[CJC]

We have missed you.

I don't know what to say about depression, other than I hope you can reach a point where you are emotionally comfortable.

[bigjoe]

One of those things happens to be getting myself in front of the computer.

In that way, I can say we are opposites. When I'm depressed I usually stick to the computer. It's when I'm in a good mood that I'm off doing something else. I,too, have dealt with depression. One thing I envy about you is that you have tact in dealing with it. You don't come across as whiny or insane. I'm sure you will weather it fine in the long run. Just try to take time to do some things you enjoy. That tends to be a way to conquer it. Coping mechanisms, if you will.

[SUCCESSOR]

Dude, it sucks. I know. I wish I could say something that would help, but more than likely, it'd just come out as a "one upper" type situation. Just know that you aren't alone, and other people go through it too.

You don't have to worry about 1uping me. I didn't make this thread to be all about me. Just sort of letting you guys know what's going on and I kinda needed to vent. I am not particularly interested in earning sympathy or emo points. Anyone who wants to share their thoughts or experience with depression is free to do so without worrying about how I may feel. That was actually my intention, not a self centered thread.

In that way, I can say we are opposites. When I'm depressed I usually stick to the computer. It's when I'm in a good mood that I'm off doing something else. I,too, have dealt with depression. One thing I envy about you is that you have tact in dealing with it. You don't come across as whiny or insane. I'm sure you will weather it fine in the long run. Just try to take time to do some things you enjoy. That tends to be a way to conquer it. Coping mechanisms, if you will.

I used to be that way, on all accounts. I like to think I am a much more stable person than I used to be. If you saw me dealing with this I doubt you would say I have tact. The beauty of the internet is we can put only our best selves forward. I am trying to do the things I usually love. It doesn't help that all the things I need to do are really burning me out on anything. Which is saying a lot because it isn't much.

Thank you all for your sympathies.

[SUCCESSOR]

I feel for you man I know how depression feels and I know that it really never goes away... as much as a doctor I seen has told me antidepressants would sort me out which they did not. though I've never had a panic attack I have seen my sister had one it was terrifying to witness it. I hope that your depression lightens up SUCCESSOR... My heart goes out to you.

Well, I like to believe that we can beat anything. Then again that sort of delusion may be what is causing my pre-existing depression to be unconscious. I haven't taken any antidepressants. I am firmly anti-drug when it comes to unnecessary uses. Though if I continue to be inertial it may become necessary. For instance I have taken migraine medicine because the pain made it impossible to be productive. I just don't like the idea of taking potentially dangerous drugs.

[Ventus]

Well, I like to believe that we can beat anything. Then again that sort of delusion may be what is causing my pre-existing depression to be unconscious. I haven't taken any antidepressants. I am firmly anti-drug when it comes to unnecessary uses. Though if I continue to be inertial it may become necessary. For instance I have taken migraine medicine because the pain made it impossible to be productive. I just don't like the idea of taking potentially dangerous drugs.

I didn't really like the idea of taking antidepressants when I was told they would help, I was quite desperate and I really didn't to be in pain (depression pain) anymore so much to my dislike of those types of drugs I took them for a week or so and they didn't do anything except for making feel like a broken husk of a person, I felt worse then I did before. I stopped taking them and things starting getting better, slightly at least.

I'm still having some random days of depression still... but its not as bad as it was awhile back.

[Dechipher]

I just kind of assume everyone who comes to this forum has depression.

[SUCCESSOR]

I just kind of assume everyone who comes to this forum has depression.

Admission is the first step of recovery, my friend. I am proud of you.