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Thread: Anyone want to be brutal? My first track is up.

  1. #1
    Harbl punkonjunk1024's Avatar
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    Anyone want to be brutal? My first track is up.

    http://www.myspace.com/hecatonchiresband

    S'yeah. Listen there and such.
    1- I am not a mastering engineer.
    2- I went from zero musical skill to about a grand worth of decent equipment in 2 months and 3 days. Thats how long this took. I knew nothing of music prior to this composition.
    3 - all the vocals are me, lol overdub, etcetera
    4 - this is still a solo project, so anything wrong is my fault.

    These things in mind (and let them bare no weight on anything you have to say) I'd love to hear what you guys have to say, criticism, thoughts, anything. Everyone listens to music. So everyone has an opinion. So gimme it.
    Hey, eat this snail quick

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    Lynel Anthus's Avatar
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    I really don't want to come off as an asshole, but you asked for it. To sugar coat it, I's kindly say, "I'm sure it has its niche, but for me it does nothing". So let me be as "brutal" as I can let myself be. There is no rhythm, and it mostly sounds like dicking around with various samples, and consequently, any musical value is merely coincidental. You almost seem proud of having "no musical experience" but unfortunately it really does not help your case.

    There is no real beat, or rhythm, as I said. There is no harmony, and I can't even understand half of the lyrics. Everything sounds out of key/ tune. I guess it is personal taste. One other point I'd like to make: If I heard that on the radio, I'd change the station after the first thirty seconds of the same sound looping with no end in sight. I only listened to most of it for criticism's sake. It needs a hook in the beginning, or, anything really. Personally, I find it quite bad.


    EDIT: By the way, value of equipment =/= talent, or skill. That is almost the same logic as a great looking game automatically being a good game.

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    OBEY GOVERNMENT GOD ZC Developer
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    That is six minutes and and fourteen seconds of awesomeness! ...Is what I might have said if it didn't suck so bad. Seriously, that was...just...just god awful. Horrible... I don't even know how to make the criticism in this post constructive.. Keep practicing. You'll get it eventually.
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    Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Marsden's Avatar
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    - Intro bells went on for far too long
    - Transition to violin-like sound is jarring.
    - Vocals impossible to make out and sound depressing.
    - Very repetitive.

    I gave up around 4 minutes in, 'cause I was just bored, but I guess that it just went on with little change in tone or pace.

    The whole thing is dull, and that's never good for a song. There's some talent there, but this was not the best way to show it. Try something a bit livelier, like a dance track. It may turn out better then you think.
    AGN's resident Doctor Who, Star Wars and Torchwood fan

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  5. #5
    Harbl punkonjunk1024's Avatar
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    Hey, I appreciate both the replies, and the criticisms! After spending some away from it, I can really see some of the flaws you guys point out - One of the biggest is that none of the actual structure to the song corresponds to the piano work after the first stanza. Additionally, I finally got a grasp on the vocal capacity I was seeking to get, so I'm excited to relay vocals, and restructure the piano work, but again, I'm going to wait until at least I've completed my current project before returning.

    As far as progress goes, I'd love if any of you who listened to it could give this a listen:
    (Sorry for rapidshit, any suggestions for better quick/free/no registration uploaders, let me know)
    http://rapidshare.com/files/35977964...s_complete.mp3
    Now, before you complete it, please bare in mind -
    The vocals laid so far are unfiltered, completely raw, and I intend to relay them - and the song is incomplete.
    However, it follows a much simpler structure, and it uses Pure A minor, which is just C major rooting in A, which enables me to do MUCH more melodic, and structured piano work without having to stare at what I'm doing/fucking up constantly.
    The intro seems a little annoying, but the lyrics once laid will really drive it into the first stanza. Additionally, the layouts of the piano are just looped from the 2 measures I played out, I intend to further diversify the piano work to suite the lay of the vocals once completed. That in mind, however, I'd love your opinions on this comparatively.

    And i'm not going to lie - I just love the chorus. Seriously.
    The whole thing has this dark-suess meets novice shakespearical that I'm just hugely enjoying writing. I had to crack open the rhyming dictionary a few times, but in general this came straight out of my head, I really got in the zone for it.

    Oh, and also - the wet sound in my voice is unavoidable. Found out the cause of all of my oral issues roots in the fact that i need to have my tonsils removed about 20 years ago. Seriously. Cause of all my speech issues. I've worked hard on clarity here - but the "wetness" you might hear IS saliva and IS unavoidable. Heh.
    An interesting note is that I found out my tonsils are pressing on my vocal chords - I likely have a much deeper voice. When I can afford to get them lazzord out, I'm gonna have a different voice. Coolsies.
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    Username Kaiser SUCCESSOR's Avatar
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    i would like to listen to it. Unfortunately since i browse the web 95% of the time on a mobile device flash is at this time a no go and rapidshare is just a horrible pain in the ass. Might i suggest putting it on Youtube? I'm not sure how youtube works from the otherside but it is a vary easy way for me to have a quick listen from my phone.

    I'm fond of "unrefined" music and would enjoy a listen. That is unless you gave up in the 2 weeks or so since this topic was active or maybe died from anesthesia while having your tonsils removed.

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    Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Marsden's Avatar
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    I too would like to listen to this, but it's not even up on RapidShit any more. The file has been removed, apparently. Meh.
    AGN's resident Doctor Who, Star Wars and Torchwood fan

    Current life projects: Survive job, stay awake, write stuff, find new job. Not in that order.

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    Harbl punkonjunk1024's Avatar
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    Haha, no, just crazy-as-shit work schedule, but the track is actually nearing completion, and lol tamborine part. :)

    I'm going to (hopefully) finish vocals here today/tomorrow, and then I'll slap it up somewhere for streaming that isn't retarded, hopefully, and you folks can give me a listen - guaranteed to be 80% less shit.

    Some time away from patricides pawn has lead to my friends encouraging me to just start it over with the same scale and idea. I intend to heavily refine it before it's "done" completely, but this track I'm working on now is more coherent, beated and sensical, as far as melody/harmony goes.

    I'm glad to see I derp'd off and the thread still got at least a little attention. :)
    Hey, eat this snail quick

  9. #9
    Harbl punkonjunk1024's Avatar
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    ha, 2010. Fuck.
    I spent a good year working on this, following that harbl I linked up there:
    https://soundcloud.com/hecatonchires...ing-inane-demo

    Which was a pretty clear improvement over that first... thing. Rapidshit. this one still works: http://www.myspace.com/hecatonchiresBand

    Yep.

    I'll just uh, leave that here.

    Also, you guys made the front page on GBAtemp! nice.
    Hey, eat this snail quick

  10. #10
    Username Kaiser SUCCESSOR's Avatar
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    You do a good job of catching the listeners attention and building up tension but that is all there is. After a minute and a half of this unrelenting march my ears become very tired. There has to be something to break it up, some variation, some kind of release or rest. Without that I cannot bear this song enough to really critique it.

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