Between Angels and Devils

[Pineconn]

Excellent, much better. I'm liking where this book is going so far! Keep up the good work!

[Darth Marsden]

Hey, only 4 months. Getting better!

Daniel Jordan - Between Angels and Devils

Chapter IV - Graveyard Shift

It took twenty minutes for the police to arrive and another half an hour until, all the windows having been opened, they finally declared the apartment 'contaminant free'. As they followed their usual procedures Daniel kept to the living room, letting the professionals do their job. As he leant against a wall, one of them broke off and approached him, a smile on his face in greeting. Daniel returned it and folded his arms.
'Should've known you'd be involved. You always give me the weirdest stuff.'
Daniel laughed. 'Well you can't spend every day behind that desk of yours, Dave.'
'Hey! I like my desk! It's warm and safe and nobody ever gets horribly mutilated on it!'
Rolling his eyes, Daniel nodded towards the bedroom where he'd found the two bodies. 'Speaking of which, any progress?'
David shook his head. 'Not really. We're still trying to figure out what the hell happened in there. You'll have to talk to Neil when he's finished.'
'Any idea how long that might be?'
'No idea. You know what he's like.'
Daniel nodded. He knew exactly what Neil was like - thorough. He mused over the procedures he'd be doing right about now as David walked over to the sofa and slumped down on it. Daniel looked up. Something seemed to be on his mind.
'How'd you get in? Neighbour said he heard you leave.'
Daniel gestured towards the window he'd come in through. David followed his finger and saw the missing circle of glass. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Instead he clenched his hands into fists, shook them at Daniel and suddenly opened them out in a gesture of frustration. His anger vented, he swung around and lay lengthways down the sofa, his legs dangling over the arm. Daniel smiled at the gesture and pushed off from the wall, heading into the kitchen.
'Water?' he called out.
'I'm good.'
Rooting through the cupboards, Daniel finally found a clean glass. He filled it with water and took a sip before returning to the living room, where another police officer had joined David. Rather than interrupt them, he leant back against the wall and listened in on the conversation the two were having.
'...and near as we can tell, there's no reason either of them should be dead. No physical injuries, no signs of internal damage, nothing. It's like... like they just stopped living.'
'That doesn't explain why they were lying on the floor like that. Nor the blood. Neil can't tell me anything?'
'Uh...' The other cop paused to think for a second. 'He thinks they were doing it before they died, but that's about it.'
'Well, at least they died happy.' David stood up from the sofa. 'That's everything?'
'Yeah. Neil said he'd be out in a minute or two - he's just finishing up.'
David patted the cop's shoulder in thanks. 'Ok, we'll hang on for him then. Thanks, Rick.'
Nodding, Rick headed back into the bedroom. Daniel pushed forward from the wall and approached the sofa, which David had already slumped back down on.
'Why do you always give me these type of cases? You know I can't do a thing with them.'
Daniel sat down next to him. 'Consider it payback for all the times you borrowed my rubber without asking.'
'Yeesh. That's holding a grudge.'
'You wore it down to a stub!'
'I bought you another one!'
'Yeah, and you did the same to that one as well!'
David stammered for a second, then held up his hands in mock defeat. 'Ok. You got me.'
'And here I thought Amy had you.'
David looked away into space. '...it didn't work out.'
A few moments of silence passed before Daniel broke it. 'I'm sorry, man.'
'Yeah, well, you know... women and cops, and all that.'
A cough interrupted them. The pair looked up to see a man in a very bloodied smock standing next to them with his hands up beside his head.
'Sorry to interrupt, but I heard you two were after me?'
Daniel smiled. 'No rush' he said, taking another sip from his cup.
'No, I'm pretty much done here. Not much more I can do until I get them back to the morgue.'
David stood up. 'So what's the verdict?'
Neil looked at him uneasily. 'Well, it's the oddest thing. I can't seem to find a thing wrong with them.'
'Except that they're dead.'
'Well, yeah. But beyond that...' He shrugged.
Standing up, Daniel brushed off his jeans with his free hand. 'So there's nothing else you can tell us?'
'Not til I get those two back to the lab. Sorry.'
'Ah, it's not your fault.' He took another swig of water. 'I don't suppose you could let me know when you do find something?'
Neil nodded. 'Sure. You're not gonna stick around then?'
'Nah. Not much more I can do here. And I'm not getting paid, so...'
David laughed. 'Oh yeah, you've fobbed 'em onto us, so now you're in the clear.'
'Oh, thanks.' Daniel finished his water and headed back inside the kitchen, washing out the glass and leaving it on the draining board. As he returned to the front room, he noticed Neil had left - presumably back to the bodies. He nodded over to David.
'Hey, could you let the guy next door know what's going on?'
'Sure. I'll see you later?'
'Yeah. Maybe without a murder next time.'
'Fingers crossed.'
Daniel smiled and waved David away before heading out of the apartment and making for the stairs.
As he left the building and reached for his car keys, something caused him to stop mid-stride. He couldn't explain it, but for some reason he could feel something above him. Looking up though, he couldn't see anything other then a few birds.
A chill went down Daniel's spine. For some reason he had a horrible feeling that this was going to be the start of a very dangerous chain of events.

[The_Amaster]

Not sure if I've said this before, but your writing sounds really...professional.
Opinions on the story aside (I think it's great, but thats not relevant), you have "flow", that instinct for exactly how many syllables long each word or sentence should be to achieve the right pace over the text. I await more with interest.

[Pineconn]

His anger vented, he swung around and lay lengthways down the sofa, his legs dangling over the arm.

I'd probably prefer "around" over "round" (unless "around" is Americanized).

Rather than interrupting, he leant back against the wall and listened in on the conversation the two were having.

Ouch... two mistakes in one sentence.

'...and near as we can tell, there's no reason either of them should be dead.

Not "wither." :p

Daniel sat down next to him.

Nest to him?

'Ah, it's not your fault.' He took another swig of water.

Probably the most common grammatical error in the English language.

A chill went down Daniel's spine.

I think that's about it. I agree with Amaster - you have a very conversational tone. If you ever finished and get published, I'll be the first one to buy it.

[Darth Marsden]

Ooo, lots of praise. Thanks.

Grammar fixed. Rather then change 'Rather then interrupt' to 'Rather than interrupting', I changed it to 'Rather than interrupt the pair', as I feel it flows better. Have a look at it in the context of the paragraph and see if you agree or not.

I really appreciate your thoughts and spell checking, it's a big help. You will definitely get an acknowledgement when this gets pubished in 2015!

[Pineconn]

Okay, that sounds a lot better. The infinitive alone was throwing me off.

So... yeah... it looks good to me. Chapter 5 in just 3 months this time, maybe?

[Darth Marsden]

3 months? Ha! How about another 9? Stupid real life getting in the way. Still, I've a couple more chapters, if you're interested anymore...

Daniel Jordan - Between Angels and Devils

Chapter V

Despite the relatively late time he’d gone to bed, Daniel woke up early the next morning. He skipped washing, having had a quick shower the night before, and threw his on usual jeans and short-sleeved shirt.
Leaving the top button undone, he stepped into the front room and checked his answering machine. He hadn’t expected any messages, so wasn’t at all surprised when there weren’t any. Instead he made his way over to his PC and switched it on. It lit into life as he collapsed into the computer chair, revealing the desktop picture of Daniel and his friends. The picture had been taken years ago, back when he’d first started as a PI. The magnifying glasses and trench coats they jokingly wore served to remind him of the close bond they’d maintained since meeting in college.
He briefly reflected on the good times he’d had with the gang as he opened his emails. Several responses were waiting for him, and he leaned forward as he quickly scanned them, but sadly there were no leads on his missing person. Slumping back into the chair, he looked out the window. The sun was up and beaming down over the street. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful day.
Leaning back, he rubbed his chin with his hand, musing over what to do next. There was little more he could do here, and it was such a nice day…
His mind made up, he turned off the PC and headed back into the bedroom to grab his sunglasses and wallet before moving to the front room and taking his notepad from the side table. He shoved the pad into the left rear pocket of his jeans, the wallet in his front right pocket and hung the glasses down the front of his shirt, then made for the front door.
He took the stairs to the ground floor two at a time, as always. After 3 and a half years, the three floors barely even registered to him anymore. As he emerged from the front door the sunlight almost blinded hum. He grabbed the sunglasses from his shirt and put them on. The world took on a much more manageable blue tint. He turned to his left and headed down the street, undoing another shirt button as he did. The weather was much warmer then he’d guessed.
It took Daniel about 25 minutes to reach the library, the walk having taken almost twice as long due to the summer traffic. Leaning against a wall, he paused and watched the world go by as he finished his ice cream before pushing off and heading up the steeps to the building.
As he reached for the door, he heard a loud ‘whoosh’ above him. He looked up and caught a glimpse of a red flash before it vanished above the building. Now he was sure that last night hadn’t just been his imagination – something was definitely going on. He resolved to look into it once he was done here. He took his shades off and hung them down his shirt again as he opened the door and stepped inside.
The smell of paper came over Daniel as he made his way past the front desk and an unsightly display of ‘For God’s Sake!’ and headed towards the record room at the back of the building. The library was never particularly busy, and today was no exception. A few regulars were sitting in the comfortable chairs dotted around the room, and as he passed them by they smiled at him in greeting. Smiling back, Daniel reflected that while life went on as normal outside, it was always peaceful here. Maybe that was why he liked it so much.
He reached the back of the library and knocked on the wooden door that was there. A few moments passed before an elderly man opened it slightly and peered out. Seeing Daniel, he fully opened the door and smiled cheerily.
‘Daniel! It’s been a while. Come on in.’
Returning the smile, Daniel followed him into the storage room. It was darker then the rest of the library and it took him a few seconds to adjust to the dim light.
‘I take it you’re here to read the headlines?’ The old man asked.
‘If you don’t mind, Hugh.’
The old man smiled and shook his head. ‘Of course not. Come on through. Don’t mind the mess.’
He led Daniel through a veritable maze made of towering piles of books and boxes. Daniel wondered what Hugh would do if any of them fell over, noting that several of them seemed dangerously close to doing so. He carefully made his way around a stack of old video cassettes and approached the microfiche that Hugh was turning on for him.
‘Will you be long? He asked as stepped away from it to give Daniel access.
‘Shouldn’t be. I’ve only a month or two to skim through.’
The old man took another step back and let Daniel sit down at the machine.
‘Well, let me know if you need anything.’
Daniel smiled as he sat down. ‘I will. Thanks.’ As Hugh made his way back to whatever it was he’d previously been doing, Daniel entered the dates Ms Richards had given him and leant into the machine.
The front pages didn’t look to dissimilar to recent ones, he reflected as he quickly scanned them for mention of the divorce. It was a long shot that he’d find the breakdown of a marriage on the cover of an 80’s newspaper, but the local tabloids had surprised him before.
It was nearly two hours later, when the only papers left were the Lancashire Evening Post and the Northampton Chronicle, when Daniel conceded and turned the machine off. He made his way back through towers, gave his best to Hugh and headed back into the main area of the library.
As he passed one of the tables, he noticed that one of the men sitting there had that morning’s paper folded in half in front of him. Curious, Daniel made an inquiring gesture to the man, pointing to the paper. When the man picked up the paper and handed it to him, Daniel smiled and nodded in thanks, then headed over to the children’s section and sat down in one of the bean-bag chairs there.
The headline was typical of a tabloid newspaper. ‘RED DEVIL’, with the word RED, predictably enough, in bright red. The accompanying image, however, was of more interest. Though it wasn’t all that clear, he recognised the red blur as what he’d seen outside the library. He opened the paper and read the story behind the picture.
As it turned out, he hadn’t been the only one to see what the papers were calling ‘devil creatures’. They’d been seen across the skies over the last few days, and experts were at a loss trying to explain what they were.
Daniel closed the paper and stood up. If these things were what he thought they were, then he’d seen them before, and if they were making their way into modern day life, something was very wrong indeed. He dropped the paper back onto the table he’d gotten it from and left the library.
As he made his way outside, he reached for his phone before realising that he didn’t have it on him. He silently cursed himself as he started making his way back to his flat, before noticing a bus approaching in the opposite direction. Remembering where the bus went, he stopped and ran back to the bus stop outside the library, where several other people were waiting. He could afford to make a quick stop before heading home.

I've given up on chapter titles. They will not be missed. But yeah, thoughts? It's a bit of a slow chapter I know, but it will pick up soon.

[Pineconn]

*reminder to read this later, it's far too late for me*

[Darth Marsden]

Yay! Someone's going to read it!

Honestly, do feel free to tear this chapter apart. It doesn't feel quite right to me, and anything you can do to help with it would be very much appreciated.