I'm a year out from my degree. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself when I'm finished. The last few weeks I've been sitting on my ass watching The Walking Dead...every night. I'm bored with my life right now. My band is almost non-existent, I'm really picky about the video games I play and I get sick of them way too quickly. I've been drinking a LOT less, which is good. I went through a really bad wave of depression over the last year and a half. I'm not really sure what it was.
I'm no longer in the Army. I got out of the reserves at the beginning of the month. I had a huge breakdown on my last drill weekend. I finally went to a therapist. I have PTSD. My PTSD has enhanced the depression and anxiety problems I had before the Army. I'm feeling okay right now, but I'm not too stressed. My problem is that I have no coping mechanisms. I don't work out anymore, but I'm not gaining weight. I feel pretty normal, to be honest. That's not a bad thing.
Something good that came out of all my drinking was gaining a lot of really good friends at the bar I go to. They've been supportive and I've actually started drinking less due to the fact that I don't feel the need to be constantly drunk. I go to the bar, have a few beers, then drink soda or water for the rest of the night and shoot the shit. The bar owner actually helped me throw a party to celebrate getting out of the Army. He had a bunch of celebratory rare beer that he'd been saving for such an occasion. My wife accompanies me to the bar most nights now. She really likes the people there too. We spend a lot of time together, and it's really helped our relationship. We have a place to go to and we spend a ton of time together.
I think the next step in my life really needs to be kids. I've been spending a lot of time with my niece and nephew lately. They both don't have stable father figures in their lives. I'm trying to give them that. Kids and the chaos that comes with them doesn't bother me the way it used to. I'm ready to be a father. I've been married for more than 9 years and we still haven't had kids. That's bizarre, I think. Every other married couple I know popped kids out pretty quickly after they got married.
I'm working a new job, which has kept me extra busy. I'm too sick of looking at a computer screen when I get home, which is probably reason number one why I'm not here often anymore. I do all my social media from my phone and I feel like posting here is a pain in the ass when I do it from the phone. My new job is as an IT consultant. It was really difficult to adjust to, but I'm fitting in pretty well now. My boss is trusting me with a lot of really cool projects that I'm enjoying working on. I'm so glad that I've got a good paying job that I enjoy. I didn't enjoy the job for the first few months, and I tell you, I don't think I could ever do something I didn't love to do. I don't really understand how people can go to work every day and hate their jobs. I'm just glad I'm not there.
I really miss playing with a band. The owner of the bar I frequent is trying to put me into a house band. My band hasn't formally broken up, but I can tell it's pretty close. We haven't done anything substantial in months. I'm still playing drums and I play a bit of guitar, though not very well. I need to keep it up and start playing again. I need a hobby that isn't watching movies, TV, or playing video games. I feel anxious when I'm not doing something semi productive, and I don't really have the energy to do anything productive most days.
I'm not trying to complain here. I'm doing pretty well. I have an awesome marriage, I own a house, I have a great dog, a job that I enjoy, and a shit ton of friends that I love to hang out with. What more could I ask for? Sometimes its a bit overwhelming. My only real issue is that I'm in debt, and I don't have a working furnace. It's been tough going trying to get a new furnace financed. We're on our way there. Hopefully we'll have a new one installed by the end of the month. My credit is great, I just have too much of it. We're working on it. By this time next year, I'll be out of school and hopefully only have debt from my wife's student loans and my mortgage.
If anyone is in the STL area and wants to have a beer, let me know.
