I Wish... This Lamp Wasn't Jinxed!

Granted. You wake up three days later to a post-apocalyptic world.

I wish I had a time machine.

Granted, but it drops you right in the middle of the Battle of Hastings.

I wish I had a pizza.

Granted, but it's your last meal on death row.

I wish the anime series I just finished watching had a better ending.

Granted, but the ending leads into another season and the new season sucks.

I wish Netflix had all seasons of the series of which they currently have only one season.

Granted, but they are all spoken in Spanish.

I wish Seinfeld would return for another season.

Granted, but everyone (including the title character) is recast with 9th grade drama students.

I wish I could get rid of this stupid cough.

Granted, you get rid of the stupid one but then get a highly intelligent one.

I wish I wasn't so busy with work (but without getting fired).

Granted, you're not fired but you are asked to take an indefinite and unpaid "leave of absence."

I wish for a warm Mountain Dew to be poured on a person I've never met or seen, who has brown hair, green eyes, and is missing his left pinky finger, who will then retaliate on the person who poured it by roundhouse kicking said person in the face, but the person will duck and the momentum of the kick will make the kicker fall onto his left side, but the fall will be cushioned by an orange beanbag chair.

Ummm...granted, but...there's a hole in the beanbag...?

I wish my legs were more flexible.

Granted, they are now made of rubber. Good luck standing up on them.

I wish I had more white chocolate Hershey bars.