I Wish... This Lamp Wasn't Jinxed!

Granted, it's just a regular cell, not a padded one.

I wish I knew how you clawed up the carpet from inside your cell.

I wish that by bumping this thread it will encourage people to post in it again.

Granted! However you now have an ingrown toenail (randomly decided)!

I wish for some ice cream.

Granted, but it's your least favorite flavor and it's half-melted and past its expiration date.

I wish for a more reliable WiFi connection.

Granted! But it only works when in the nude.

I wish people would stop driving by my house with their music turned all the up and shaking my house.

Granted, instead they drive THROUGH your house and cost you a fortune in wall/window repairs.

I wish there was a place around here that served decent mushroom poppers (a local restaurant here does serve them but they are terrible).

Granted, but they use Super Mushrooms from Super Mario Bros instead of regular mushrooms, causing giant growth when consumed.

I wish for a balloon.

Granted, but it's a mutant alien balloon that hungers for human flesh.

I wish I knew how my internet connection could be nude. I was not aware that internet connections wore clothing.

granted by your mind blows up.

I wish ilias was my girlfriend.
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/...riasu_st31.png

Granted, but then you discover she's cheating on you with the the actual Tamamo and in your anger you erase her from existence. Then you try to hook up with the real Tamamo, but she tells you to get lost.

I wish for some chili cheese fries.