I hope you all got botulism.
... yeah that's about it.
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I hope you all got botulism.
... yeah that's about it.
well, now I'm 2 days and 3 big turkey dinners later, and I feel great.. wait.. my legs feeling a little numb.. and.. oh! I feel great again!
What gives on your not happy for Puritan ritual holiday hatred?
Turkey dinners are the DEVIL! First, they kill an innocent and noble bird, one believed even to be elected to be our National Symbol by the wise late Benjamin Frankling. Then, after they prepare it to be eaten but do not process it properly as is the fashion with chicken nuggets and pepperoni, they store it in unglamorous bags in the grocery store, covered in plastic netting for reasons none understand. Then, this 150 pound beast is carried out of the store, and cooked for several hours at home, after you have removed the marvelously included (but seperated) internal organs. Then you attack it with head and chemicals until it is changed to a texture of your liking. Then it is consumed...
Okay, everything leading up to that was acceptable, but man, just tasting it, you know turkey HAS to be some extreme evil, and as taught by the wise, philosophy-filled "The Waterboy" film, I have learned that if you think it might be the devil, it is indeed the devil. Also Benjamin Franklin is the devil. So truly, Turkey is an evil poised to destroy us now. The turkey bins in grocery stores are like a lair of evil monsters from which none return.
Oh, and happy November 30th, also known as leftovers day. ^.- We had steak instead of Turkey this year, though, so mwa ha ha! I have singlehandedly defeated their evil designs. Well, my mother did, anyway...
I think we should have frozen pizzas on every holiday.
I had veal for Thanksgiving this year...
Yeah, that's probably worse.
Anyways, I'm not very fond of turkey, personally. I've never really liked it, on account of the fact that it really doesn't have a taste. Oh, and I have a very horrible turkey story which is sure to absolutely repulse. DO NOT READ ON IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH! Okay, I warned you...
Okay, let's get this right. A couple of years ago, I think it was around Easter time, my mom decided to cook a turkey. Well, it was okay and everything, no problems, except that the cats kept trying to get at the carcass (my mom had already stripped the meat off), and so my mom put it in the oven until she could get it out to the trash. Fast forward one week. It seems the old addage "Out of sight, out of mind," is quite literally true, as my mom had completely forgotten about the turkey carcass in the oven. Well, we noticed this horrible smell in the kitchen, and we opened the oven to discover the decaying turkey carcass. Good lord, it stank to high heaven. I will never forget that smell. Really, it's enough to kill an ox. So guess who got the fun task of taking the turkey out to the garbage? Yup, you guessed it, yours truly had to reach in the oven, grab the pan it was in, and run for dear life while trying not to breathe and spilling turkey juice all over myself before finally disposing of the offending bird. Unfortunately, thanks to a combination of lingering odor and spilled turkey juice, the kitchen stank for at least another week, and I could barely look at another turkey after that horrible incident.
Jesus people who cares about your thoughts on turkey. Can no one take a simple, 'I hate you even on the holidays'?
Nope. For some reason people feel the strange urge to make the topic into something more then an "I hate you".