King Aquamentus
11-19-2014, 10:46 PM
WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW ABOUT MARIO (AND WHY IT IS A LIE)
November 19, 2014 by King Aquamentus
Quick!! Tell me about Mario's origins! Everybody knows this story right?
Mario and Luigi are two plumbers from Brooklyn (who were also Italian immigrants) who one day ended up getting washed down a magic drain into the beautiful and fantastic Mushroom Kingdom. When they learned of the princess's plight, they fought their way through eight worlds to save her from Bowser, King of the Koopas. Duh!! It's been established in all of their animated series, the movie, the fans, the merchandise, and even by the country of Italy itself. I'm not even kidding on that: You'd think Mario would piss real Italians off just a little bit, but I've heard that they actually really love him a lot, and that many plumbers in the country actually *carry* some sort of Super Mario-related keepsake, like he's a small national hero.
...who was born in the Mushroom Kingdom.
http://www.vgmuseum.com/end/nds/a/yoshi2-41.png
What do you mean this is *still* the wrong house!?
So... the Mario brothers were born in the Mushroom Kingdom... *then* went to Italy... *then* to Brooklyn? uuuuuhhh... I think somewhere down the line we maybe got a little confused.
Officially, the story is that Mario and Luigi were not only born in the Mushroom Kingdom, but have known Peach, Wario, and even Donkey Kong since they were babies (the one from DKC who is the grown-up Donkey Kong Jr- ok my head hurts now) and have in fact lived in the Mushroom Kingdom all their lives.
http://static.gamesradar.com/images/mb/GamesRadar/us/Features/2009/04/Awesomely%20bad%20movie%20scenes/Screens/part%204/Supermario20--article_image.jpg
Pictured above: Canon as you know it ceasing to exist
That actually kinda sucks in a way. I mean besides completely negating film, television, and even picture books, it takes away a very certain sense of a connection with these two human guys who ended up going down a rabbit hole somewhere beneath Water Street. I mean, wouldn't it be kinda cool if some maze of pipes and sewers ended up leading to another world? Like a portal hidden away? Well, there isn't in real life, and there isn't in fiction. Deal With It.
Oh, and of course this means the Mario Brothers aren't Italian. For some inexplicable reason, they certainly *act* and sound Italian, but at this point it isn't even clear if they are human, or even if Toad is, for that matter.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/4/4b/ToadTV-NoCap.png/170px-ToadTV-NoCap.png
Even Mario looks surprised to discover this.
"Alright" you say. "They're cartoon characters, we'll leave it at that. They are plumbers from a fantasy world who act like Italians, and jump on turtles."
...yeah... they're not plumbers either.
Well, not anymore they aren't. They may have laid some lead in the past, but only about as much as they have raced go-karts, played golf/baseball/basketball/soccer, worked in construction, demolition, medicine, archaeology, repaired your Nintendo, refereed tennis and boxing events, loaded cement trucks, fought in vietnam, made toys, owned theme parks, piloted giant breakout paddles, cooked, or DJ'd (and I am dead serious when I tell you that I have not made any of these up. ANY.)
Officially, their occupation is as "adventurers" according to Nintendo, although after the Mario Segali connection, Miyamoto did consider him Italian for a bit. Now however, Mario and Luigi are nothing but cartoon characters from the Mushroom Kingdom who do... ...whatever.
Yeah, sorry to break everything you knew about Mario, there.
November 19, 2014 by King Aquamentus
Quick!! Tell me about Mario's origins! Everybody knows this story right?
Mario and Luigi are two plumbers from Brooklyn (who were also Italian immigrants) who one day ended up getting washed down a magic drain into the beautiful and fantastic Mushroom Kingdom. When they learned of the princess's plight, they fought their way through eight worlds to save her from Bowser, King of the Koopas. Duh!! It's been established in all of their animated series, the movie, the fans, the merchandise, and even by the country of Italy itself. I'm not even kidding on that: You'd think Mario would piss real Italians off just a little bit, but I've heard that they actually really love him a lot, and that many plumbers in the country actually *carry* some sort of Super Mario-related keepsake, like he's a small national hero.
...who was born in the Mushroom Kingdom.
http://www.vgmuseum.com/end/nds/a/yoshi2-41.png
What do you mean this is *still* the wrong house!?
So... the Mario brothers were born in the Mushroom Kingdom... *then* went to Italy... *then* to Brooklyn? uuuuuhhh... I think somewhere down the line we maybe got a little confused.
Officially, the story is that Mario and Luigi were not only born in the Mushroom Kingdom, but have known Peach, Wario, and even Donkey Kong since they were babies (the one from DKC who is the grown-up Donkey Kong Jr- ok my head hurts now) and have in fact lived in the Mushroom Kingdom all their lives.
http://static.gamesradar.com/images/mb/GamesRadar/us/Features/2009/04/Awesomely%20bad%20movie%20scenes/Screens/part%204/Supermario20--article_image.jpg
Pictured above: Canon as you know it ceasing to exist
That actually kinda sucks in a way. I mean besides completely negating film, television, and even picture books, it takes away a very certain sense of a connection with these two human guys who ended up going down a rabbit hole somewhere beneath Water Street. I mean, wouldn't it be kinda cool if some maze of pipes and sewers ended up leading to another world? Like a portal hidden away? Well, there isn't in real life, and there isn't in fiction. Deal With It.
Oh, and of course this means the Mario Brothers aren't Italian. For some inexplicable reason, they certainly *act* and sound Italian, but at this point it isn't even clear if they are human, or even if Toad is, for that matter.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/4/4b/ToadTV-NoCap.png/170px-ToadTV-NoCap.png
Even Mario looks surprised to discover this.
"Alright" you say. "They're cartoon characters, we'll leave it at that. They are plumbers from a fantasy world who act like Italians, and jump on turtles."
...yeah... they're not plumbers either.
Well, not anymore they aren't. They may have laid some lead in the past, but only about as much as they have raced go-karts, played golf/baseball/basketball/soccer, worked in construction, demolition, medicine, archaeology, repaired your Nintendo, refereed tennis and boxing events, loaded cement trucks, fought in vietnam, made toys, owned theme parks, piloted giant breakout paddles, cooked, or DJ'd (and I am dead serious when I tell you that I have not made any of these up. ANY.)
Officially, their occupation is as "adventurers" according to Nintendo, although after the Mario Segali connection, Miyamoto did consider him Italian for a bit. Now however, Mario and Luigi are nothing but cartoon characters from the Mushroom Kingdom who do... ...whatever.
Yeah, sorry to break everything you knew about Mario, there.