Here's the rest of our misadventure...
<CJC> Resisting the urge to eat the raccoon's TASTY FLESH MEATS, you fling it towards the sound of the FIRE SIREN. You're surprised at the strength of your fling, and somewhat amused when the RACCOON BODY hits the windshield of the FIRE TRUCK and sends the vehicle careening off THE EMBANKMENT.
<CJC> You see: CRASHED FIRE TRUCK, TASTY FLESH MEATS
<Aeos> examine crashed fire truck
<CJC> It looks like the FIREMEN survived the crash, but three of them are injured. The truck is equipped with a WATER RESEVOIR and several FIRE HOSES. It is also bright and flashy.
<Aeos> head towards fire truck
<CJC> You crawl towards the FIRE TRUCK, taking care to keep your DISEMBOWELED ORGANS inside your body. You probably tied your shirt around those glass wounds that were causing you to BLEED PROFUSELY. In short order you arrive at the FIRE TRUCK.
<CJC> FIREMAN: OH MAH GOD IT'S BATH SALTS! RUN!
<CJC> The fireman throws his BLUE RIBBON CHILI at your face.
* Zaphod gives channel half-operator status to Majora
Kefka (
[email protected]) has joined #agn
* Alpha1 gives channel half-operator status to Kefka
<Aeos> Ignore the three firemen you have nicknamed "Moe", "Larry", and "Curly", and head for medical compartment
<CJC> You come to the MEDICAL COMPARTMENT and discover a SUPER FANTASTIC FIRST AID KIT. Wiping the BLUE RIBBON CHILI from your eyes you open up the kit and find a HOME SURGERY ROBOT, ADHESIVE MEDICAL STRIPS, and an EMERGENCY HAM.
<Aeos> Grab the fire axe from the back, use the medical strips, and make a splint from them
<CJC> Using the CHOP-O BRAND FIRE AXE and the ADHESIVE MEDICAL STRIPS, you apply a splint to your BROKEN LEG. You can now move without crawling.
<Aeos> realize you also have gained the power to AXEKICK
<CJC> !!!
<CJC> (Granted!)
<Zelda64GLD> #£*$*$£!*£#!£#£@*
<Aeos> (no amazing description?)
<Aeos> (of this revelation?)
<CJC> (Okay...)
<CJC> As you have strapped a CHOP-O BRAND FIRE AXE to your BROKEN LEG, you realize that the head of the axe is perfectly aligned with your foot to allow for the awesome martial arts technique known as the AXEKICK. You can use the AXEKICK to KILL THINGS and make TASTY FLESH MEAT.
<Aeos> return to surgical robot to repair disembowelment
<Aeos> (no need to intesti-garrote anything anymore)
<CJC> The HOME SURGERY ROBOT whirs to life, and you wonder if you should read the COMPLICATED INSTRUCTION MANUAL that is included before pressing its SHINY BUTTONS.
<Aeos> read portion of manual that is in Carthaginian
<Aeos> CORRECTION: Read portion of manual that is in Punic
<CJC> You flip through the manual until you find the portion that is written in your DEAD LANGUAGE OF CHOICE.
<CJC> It says to press the buttons in the following order to treat DISEMBOWELED ORGANS: GREEN, PUCE, PINK, GREEN, OFF-PURPLE.
<Aeos> play Simon Says with the robot instead
<CJC> XD
<CJC> $roll 1d5
<CJC> (Hold that thought)
<CJC> (Rolls real d6, throws away 6s)
<CJC> The robot, falsly interpreting your instructions, gives you RADICAL COSMETIC SURGERY, managing to repair your DISEMBOWELED ORGANS but also transforming you into a DEEP ONE SERVANT OF THE DARK LORD.
<CJC> You notice the machine is produced by DAGON INCORPORATED
<Aeos> Realize that the only way to return to normal is if you make a pilgrimage to several sites said to have a connection with STENDARR
<Aeos> Also realize that the robot is a enslaved reincarnation of JIMI HENDRIX
<CJC> False, JIMI HENDRIX was always a robot. That's how he was able to use his guitar like a theremin.
<CJC> As you come to the realization that your state as a DEEP ONE SERVANT OF THE DARK LORD can only be cured by a FICTICIOUS VIDEO GAME ENTITY, you begin to wonder if you can pursue that course of recovery without INFRINGING INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY.
<Aeos> Remember that his forgotten transvestite sister STENDAAAAH has the same powers
<CJC> Bonus points for creative abuse of FAIR USE.
<CJC> You begin a pilgrammage to the shrine of STENDAAAH, but... you don't know which way to go. You'll need a BADASS MAP to find your way.
<Aeos> pack and bring the first-aid kit
<Aeos> also, steal Curly's hat and boots. He doesn't need them right now.
<CJC> You are now a DEEP ONE IN FIREMAN ATTIRE with a SUPER FANTASTIC FIRST AID KIT. You set out to find a HARDCORE CARTOGRAPHER to make you a BADASS MAP.
<Aeos> Ask Moe about the nearest cartographer. He appears to only know Farsi.
<CJC> ...
<CJC> (Hold that thought)
<CJC> You speak with MOE THE FIREMAN in ANCIENT PERSIAN, and he stares at you with COMPLETE INCOMPREHENSION.
<CJC> Suddenly, MOE THE FIREMAN has his head spin and vomits PEA SOUP. You suspect talking to anyone in your current state will cause similar results.
<CJC> (I'm running out of material)
<Aeos> combine BLUE RIBBON CHILI and PEA SOUP to make MEDICAL WONDER DRUG
<Aeos> I'm not. XD
<CJC> You craft a MEDICAL WONDER DRUG. Unfortunately, you will not know what the MEDICAL WONDER DRUG does until you perform HUMAN TESTING. You also remember the MYSTERIOUS REMOTE CONTROL in your pocket.
<Aeos> Force Larry to take MEDICAL WONDER DRUG. Unfortuntely, it has to be taken anally.
<CJC> X_X
<CJC> LARRY THE FIREMAN is overpowered by you, the DEEP ONE IN FIREMAN CLOTHES, and forced to take your WONDER SUPPOSITORY. He seems perfectly healthy for a few moments before spontaneously transforming into a DUCK BILLED PLATYPUS.
<Aeos> Stuff DUCK BILLED PLATYPUS into Moe's mouth
<CJC> You see: MOE THE FIREMAN, who is VOMITING PEA SOUP. LARRY THE FIREMAN, who is now LARRY THE PLATYPUS. CURLY THE FIREMAN, who is WRITHING IN FEAR OF BATH SALTS
<CJC> You stuff LARRY THE PLATYPUS into MOE THE FIREMAN 's mouth. The latter chokes to death on the former.
<Aeos> Scalp Moe's AFRO off of him and put it on the MEDICAL ROBOT
<CJC> You have successfully crafted a MOEBOT
<Aeos> Correct narrator and rename MOEBOT as HENDRIXBOT MOE.0
<CJC> 0_o
<CJC> ERROR! HENDRIX and MOE are incompatible. Entering DEATH SLAUGHTER MODE.
King_Aquamentus has quit (Ping timeout)
<Aeos> use remote to "fix the problem"
<CJC> You point the MYSTERIOUS REMOTE at the MEDICAL ROBOT in DEATH SLAUGHTER MODE and find that it is compatible. Even more interesting, you notice that the MYSTERIOUS REMOTE seems to work on ANYTHING IT POINTS AT. You wish you had discovered this earlier.
<Aeos> (gimme a moment, I'm visualizing this
<Aeos> )
<Aeos> oh yeah
<Aeos> gain the power to TOEBLOCK and TOEDEFLECT with the fire boot
<CJC> (I've got to go away from keyboard for a while. Be back soon)
<Aeos> that's okay
<Aeos> I'm almost done with how the character appears
<Aeos> https://dl.dropbox.com/u/67765234/Photos/whathavewedone.png
<Aeos> there we go
<Aeos> (it's not complete)
<CJC> XD
<CJC> I love that it's 8-bit
<CJC> Anyway...
<CJC> Realizing you have exhausted the crashed FIRE TRUCK, you continue NORTH down the INTERSTATE HIGHWAY. To the WEST, you spot a SMALL CABIN that looks like it's SEEN BETTER DAYS.
<Aeos> Make HENDRIXBOT call the number on the FOR RENT sign
<CJC> (Hmmm)
<CJC> HENDRIXBOT calls the number on the sign, but as he is a robot he can only communicate through BINARY FAX TRANSMISSION. After several confusing minutes, the dialtone signals call's end.
<Aeos> Realize that the phone is in the afro, and use it to call the number instead.
<CJC> EXCELLENT! You dial the number, expecting to rent the SMALL CABIN after you own home turned into a BLAZING INFERNO. However, you forgot that you are a DEEP ONE IN FIREMAN CLOTHES and thus your voice DRIVES PEOPLE MAD. You hear frothing from the other side of the phone.
<Aeos> Knowing that the cabin is now likely in legal limbo, AXEKICK the door.
<Aeos> Then realize that this cabin is VERY old-style and that the door is, in fact, just a skin pelt.
<Aeos> So you enter.
<CJC> You AXEKICK the door and it crumples in the-
<CJC> Dammit, you type too fast!
<CJC> Okay, you enter the prehistoric cabin to find... A MOOSE! (You knew we'd get back there eventually)
<Aeos> Riddle the moose with three questions
<CJC> What do you ask?
<Aeos> What moves with men and air, but not on its own?
<CJC> The moose, being a moose, stares at you and chews on something.
<CJC> *THE MOOSE, **SOMETHING
<Aeos> realize you asked the question in the wrong language, and do it again in the lost Olmec language
<Aeos> with Swahili dialect
<CJC> Extopalopokettle (spelling?), the God of War
<CJC> (Hold that thought, I have to do some research)
Shane (
[email protected]) has joined #agn
<CJC> You realize that no matter what you say to THE MOOSE, it is still just a MOOSE and thus will not be able to comprehend you. You do notice, however, that what it is chewing is NOT A WALNUT.
_4matsy (
[email protected]) has joined #agn
* Alpha1 gives voice to _4matsy
Fireblast124 (
[email protected]) has joined #agn
* Alpha1 gives voice to Fireblast124
<Fireblast124> $recall
<Aeos> Find a PHONEBOOK
<CJC> You search around THE MOOSE for a PHONEBOOK, and you find one inside a desk. The PHONEBOOK is from 1880.
<Shane> ziiiiiiiiing
<Fireblast124> http://www.reddit.com/r/Minecraft/comments/16rur1/now_you_can_dubstep_in_minecraft/
King_Aquamentus (
[email protected]) has joined #agn
<Alpha1> [King_Aquamentus] [23:38] <Captain_B> no wonder he emanates evil <Captain_B> his innards contain rich chocolate Ovaltine
* Alpha1 gives channel operator status to King_Aquamentus
Zaphod hits the bong
<Aeos> Call ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL, SAMUEL MORSE and ELISHA GRAY from the grave using the PHONEBOOK
<CJC> "Don't be silly. Edison wouldn't let either of us anywhere near his necrophone"
<CJC> You call ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL, the inventor of the TELEPHONE, using your SMARTPHONE YOU FORGOT YOU HAD
Shane has quit (Ping timeout)
<Aeos> tell him (and the other three) to come over
<CJC> You wish that you could invite them to come over, but you have again forgotten you are a DEEP ONE IN FIREMAN CLOTHES and anyone you speak with will be DRIVEN INSANE. Unfortunately for you, since you were using the TELEPHONE as a TIME MACHINE, you have caused the erasure of MASSIVE TRACTS OF HISTORY.
<CJC> Unbeknownst to you, these three were essential in the events that LEAD TO YOUR CREATION, and so you have CEASED TO EXIST. Game over.
<Aeos> d'awww :(
<Aeos> well at least you can look at my pic
<Aeos> also I planned to do something crazily fitting with those three
<CJC> XD
<CJC> Okay, what were you going to do?
<Aeos> All four of us was going to hold hands and make a circle
<Aeos> and then through dark rites, transform the the moose into a demonic form
<CJC> Demon moose?
<Aeos> The Running Fridge Stuffed with Canned Prince Albert
<Aeos> the demon associated with phone prankery
<CJC> ...
And just because I can... It has now spawned this picture (currently WIP, will dynamically update) and my av:
https://dl.dropbox.com/u/67765234/Photos/whathavewedone.png