Losing a Loved One

[ctrl-alt-delete]

It happens...in my case, far more often that it should for a 25 year old. I could talk about multiple situations, but this topic was really meant to discuss the most recent one.

Last Sunday, my best friend Josh passed away due to a drug overdose. I say best friend, we were practically brothers. Growing up, we did EVERYTHING together.

I've been struggling particularly bad with the grieving process this time. I still don't know if it's just because I'm so incredibly tired of losing people I love, or if this one hit entirely too close to home.

When I found out, I drove 300 miles home from work to be with him the last few minutes before they pulled the plug. I was scared they would cremate him and I would never get to see his body again. I missed a night and a half of work, but I don't regret it. Even if it was all overtime.

At the funeral, my family sat with the family. Words cannot describe how close we all are.

Fortunately, the keys to AGN have served as somewhat of a distraction...a distraction I've definitely needed. All of my friends from here on Facebook can tell you, I've been feeling pretty low.

I may feel the need to talk this out a little more...maybe explain why it hit so close to home since most of you wouldn't know that story.

In the meantime, if you're the praying type I'd ask if you could legitimately keep our families in your prayers. We may not know each other very well, but trust me, we need them.

[mrz84]

My condolonces, I've lost several family members in the past decade or so. Most of all: My dad (Scarlet Dragon here on the forums), passed away in Feb 2009. Type-2 diabetes and Hypatitis (sp?) C.

[erm2003]

Sorry to hear about your loss. I have been very fortunate in that I haven't lost any really close friends and I just can't imagine what that has to be like. I have lost some family members unexpectedly. I also have another friend who lost his mother to cancer only 10 days after she was diagnosed. A year and a half later and he still has trouble with it. It's the hardest part of the life cycle to deal with, that's for sure.

[Brasel]

I'm sorry man. It must be hard.

[Glitch]

I feel your pain man. I lost my best friend two weeks ago :(

My condolences.

[ShadowTiger]

Very sorry to hear, Kolt. :-/ Thank you for cherishing life every day, and not giving in to the temptation to tear the world down for your loss, and making it our loss as well, for other reasons.


I can't remember the last time I cried at a funeral. ... or at least the last time I cried at a funeral and I was supposed to or expected to.

[King Aquamentus]

I have never done this either. To be honest, the only death of someone I knew that really bothered me was when Rose passed away.

[Rambly]

I'm extraordinarily lucky in that I've never had to deal with the death of a loved one... all of my loved ones are relatively youngish -- my friends are all my age or so, my parents and grandparents are all relatively youngish and alive, I've been lucky enough to not lose a friend in an accident.... I constantly fret about what I'll do when that day comes. I know it's inevitable and I get this horrible sinking feeling whenever I think about it.

I'm not the sort of person to pray, but I wish your families and you nothing but the best. Again: My sincerest condolences.

[XMuppetSB]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss, sir. I know how bad it feels to lose family and friends, because during my last year at the Nellie Reddix Center, we lost 1 (medically fragile) student before the school year started, 3 students (Vanessa Castro, Robert Vigil, and Nathaniel Barker) during the school year, and 1 graduate (Juliana Ayumi Tillman) after the end of the school year. I also know what it's like to attend funerals, because I attended the memorial service of Vanessa in October of 2011, and the funeral service of Ayumi on July 7, 2012. Either way, we all learn to deal with things with life.

[Brasel]

I'm drunk. When I'm drunk, I share things. I'm going to share something here.

During my first deployment to Iraq, I lost a buddy. We weren't terribly close, but I knew him pretty well. You get to that point when you've been in a platoon together for a decent length of time. Before we deployed, he bought an Isuzu SUV, got married, and knocked up his wife. I remember the last conversation I had with his was about how excited he was to get home to meet his daughter for the first time. I was busy at the time and I kinda only half paid any attention to him. A couple days later, he was on a convoy to find missing weapons when they were attacked. He was hit directly with a rocket from an RPG. Interestingly enough, it didn't explode. It went right through him, throwing his body armor several meters away. It took me several weeks to actually think about it. It tore me up. I didn't actually cry until my commander came and talked to our platoon about it. It used to be that a day didn't go by that I didn't think about him. Now, I don't do that any more. I feel guilty about it when I do think about him, like I'm not honoring his memory. The worst part about it was thinking that he never even met his daughter...

The second story I have was the time I almost got myself killed. A rocket hit about 50 feet away from me. I didn't get hit at all, but this other guy did. I had worked with him on several occasions. He had gotten married, secretly, to a woman in his platoon when they were on leave. She saw the whole thing. What really bothers me about this was that I can't remember his name. I try and try to remember this guy, but I can't. It's like something is itching and I just can't scratch it. That poor bastard was completely obliterated.

The last story I have was about a time that I put soldiers in danger. During my second deployment, we had fielded new equipment that ran a line-of-sight wireless network connection to several outposts. This equipment had never been fielded in a combat environment before. I didn't set up everything correctly on the equipment for one of my outposts, and I had to send two of my soldiers out to fix it. When they got there, they were under heavy sniper fire. No one was hurt, but it was my fault that my soldiers were in such a situation. I don't know what I would have done had one of them been hurt.

I guess my biggest fear is losing someone very close to me. I haven't experienced that at all yet. I've lost buddies and people I've known, but no one that is incredibly important. If all of this bothers me, what happens if I lose someone that means the world to me? I constantly worry about what would happen if my wife, parents or siblings died.

Kolt, I can't imagine what you are going through...and I'm afraid to face it. If you ever need anything, let me know.

[ctrl-alt-delete]

Since we seem to be delving a little deeper here, I feel obligated to explain why this one "hit so close to home."

For anybody that doesn't remember, my older brother killed himself when I was 16 years old. I have two other brothers, but Josh, my best friend that overdosed, was FAR closer to me than they've ever been.

...Like another brother.

My first wife and I also lost a baby to an incredibly rare condition known as Anencephaly. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anencephaly)

I also lost a cousin to leukemia. She was only two years old. Lost an uncle to suicide. And have lost two other pretty close friends too, one to overdose and another got hit by a train. He was drunk, and they don't know if he passed out on the tracks or if he killed himself. Not to mention a few friends that I last talked to in high school that passed away a few years ago.

So as you can see...it's getting old. :frown:

[SUCCESSOR]

My Grandpa died last year. It was the first time I had to deal with someone close to me dying. It's wrong to say I am glad we were distant for a long time, but I don't know how I would have been able to cope if I was closer to him. It was hard enough having barely seen him over the last 10 years. My exwifes son died more recently. I didn't know him. He was only a year and I hadn't been anywhere near close to my exwife but it was very hard to deal with because my daughter lost her brother. It's not easy trying to explain death to a 3-4 year old.

Obviously I don't have much in the way of consolation but, ctrl-alt-delete, I am glad to hear you have such close family and friends for support. I can't imagine having to cope with so much loss.

[Glenn the Great]

I lost my pet chicken, Henrietta, last year. It never gets easier... :frown-new: