The Frightening Fart

[Beldaran]

This morning I was sitting in an engineering lab by myself working on a project. I felt a little gurgly from breakfast (horrible greasy sausage links that taste OH SO GOOD) and I felt kind of gassy. So I'm working intently on my project and not really paying attention as I let this long, loud, trumpeting fart that sounds like the Horn of Gondor from Lord of the Rings. I felt a lot better.

Until I realized that I couldn't remember if the guy who came into lab earlier actually left. Am I alone? Did I just blow an epic, mind shattering fart in the direction of some poor guy? What should I do?
I tried scraping my boot on the floor to recreate the sound, in order to disguise my inpropriety. No such luck. Nothing could recreate this fart. God himself, with the apocalypse at his heels, could not recreate this fart. It was a desecration not to be matched by any earthly endeavor.
So, finally resigned to what would undoubtedly be my never ending status of "that guy who blew the epic fart in engineering lab", I get up under the pretense of checking the printer to see if I'm alone.

Indeed I was alone. The guy had come into the lab and left before the fart. He doesn't know the suffering he spared himself. The crime was mine alone, and the world would go on without the knowledge of the fart that could end all things.

It was frightening. It was a frightening fart.

[Masamune]

How'd that shit smell?

[erm2003]

This morning I was sitting in an engineering lab by myself working on a project. I felt a little gurgly from breakfast (horrible greasy sausage links that taste OH SO GOOD) and I felt kind of gassy. So I'm working intently on my project and not really paying attention as I let this long, loud, trumpeting fart that sounds like the Horn of Gondor from Lord of the Rings. I felt a lot better.

Until I realized that I couldn't remember if the guy who came into lab earlier actually left. Am I alone? Did I just blow an epic, mind shattering fart in the direction of some poor guy? What should I do?
I tried scraping my boot on the floor to recreate the sound, in order to disguise my inpropriety. No such luck. Nothing could recreate this fart. God himself, with the apocalypse at his heels, could not recreate this fart. It was a desecration not to be matched by any earthly endeavor.
So, finally resigned to what would undoubtedly be my never ending status of "that guy who blew the epic fart in engineering lab", I get up under the pretense of checking the printer to see if I'm alone.

Indeed I was alone. The guy had come into the lab and left before the fart. He doesn't know the suffering he spared himself. The crime was mine alone, and the world would go on without the knowledge of the fart that could end all things.

It was frightening. It was a frightening fart.

Not only does this post deserve a medal, but I think we already have one of the winners for the second writing contest Darth Marsden is heading up.

[rock_nog]

Truly epic. It's almost a shame that the fart went unappreciated... I mean, that sort of thing should be preserved for posterity. It's the sort of thing you ought to be able to share with your grandchildren when you're old - "Kids, gather 'round the old tape player - I want to share with you the single greatest thing I have ever produced."

Then again - I don't know if a fart like that was meant for mortal ears (or nostrils). That sort of thing is like the voice of God or something - to incredible for human senses to comprehend.

[Prrkitty]

Voice of God... ? Or voice of Bel with a LOT to say... about a bunch of stuff ;)

[rock_nog]

Firstly, damn... If I EVER get back into psychology, the first thing I study will be just, why, exactly, fart humor is so damn funny. And secondly, yes Prrkitty, you're right, my bad. Honestly, I had serious difficulty even bringing myself to type after the reference to "horn of Gondor." I swear, I just have these incredibly awesome mental images in my head of Beldaran literally shaking the foundations of the building with his incredible flatulence.

[Icey]

This was by far the best literary composition I have ever read. Kudos.

[ShadowTiger]

* Added to the list of books 6th graders must read over the summer *

[bigjoe]

If you fart, and no one else is around to hear it, have you really farted?

[Aegix Drakan]

...This reminds me of that awesome Craglist posting a few years back abou the guy taking a massive crap, while the guy next to him was on the phone...

...XD

[Master Ghaleon]

Have fun with this you farting fools :P (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3814675494002051466&q=biggest+fart&total=2461&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=1)

[Shyvus]

Congratulations!

I've given up on not farting in public. It hurts not to, and it's hilarious as all heck.

[Modus Ponens]

Have fun with this you farting fools :P (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3814675494002051466&q=biggest+fart&total=2461&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=1)

That was very amusing, but I would be very surprised if it weren't extremely hazardous to your health. I'm sure there are all kinds of bad things you can do to your intestines by blowing air into your rectum. Moocow pointed out in the "Queefs" thread in ASWGL that forcing air into the vagina can cause serious problems, so doing the same for the rectum seems like a pretty bad idea.

In other words, don't try this at home.

[Prrkitty]

That was very amusing, but I would be very surprised if it weren't extremely hazardous to your health. I'm sure there are all kinds of bad things you can do to your intestines by blowing air into your rectum. Moocow pointed out in the "Queefs" thread in ASWGL that forcing air into the vagina can cause serious problems, so doing the same for the rectum seems like a pretty bad idea.

In other words, don't try this at home.

Quoted for emphasis. Do not force air into either area. If I remember right it can cause an embolism... which can go to the brain and/or heart.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Embolism