Hello, my name is Tony, and I have a problem.

[Brasel]

Honestly, I just feel like getting this out. I honestly don't want any sympathy for this. I mean that too.

I have problems with anxiety and depression, but mainly anxiety. The stupidest little problems or social situations can throw me into a panic attack. They tend to wax and wane, some months I'm fine and can manage all my daily work and what-not without any problem. Other months, like the past couple, I can't seem to get by without feeling like shit all day. I constantly feel angry sad frustrated and worried all at the same time. The stupidest little problems all pile up and one little thing can make my whole day spin out of control. I'll panic. I'll get all sick to my stomach, feel dizzy, hyperventilate, and start thinking all of these worst case scenarios in my head if I don't get my work done or fix whatever problem causes it. Those are the normal ones. Sometimes, if they're bad enough, like the one I had today, I'll start calling my self names repeatedly out loud, and then finally break down and cry and I go all limp. I can move myself, but I have a hard time of it. Its like my whole body is made of jello. I haven't had an attack that severe since college, which was several years ago, and I had one today.

I started having this problem after my parents divorced when I was in the 5th grade. It got really bad during middle school, and pretty much continued until I dropped out of college. During the worst of it, I'd have the extremely severe panic attacks at least daily. I'd have to go home from work early, or call in. It was really hurting my social and work lives. I decided to join the army and it quit happening at all for a good while. I started having them again before I deployed to Iraq, and I've been having them since. I started seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist several weeks ago and they put me on effexor for depression and anxiety. I thought it had been working, but I don't think it has been anymore. I dunno. Just fealt like sharing and uh, maybe I'll talk more about it someday but, I think I'm done for now.

[Prrkitty]

(hug) Sometimes just getting it out into words in the open can help your brain get some sort of handle on things.

I wish I had some helpful words that would fix it all for ya hon. It sounds like you're on the right track in trying to get help with it though. Call your counselor and the psychiatrist to let them know of your recent attack and see if they have any ideas, suggestions, etc.

Just share at your comfort level hon. I can only speak for myself, but I'll always listen and help as I can :)

[Glenn the Great]

I've been through this exact same sort of thing myself.

You have to be careful about the psychiatrist. If things continue to be bad, don't be surprised if he or she suggests you to voluntarily check into a mental facility for a week. They'll make it sound like you are going to get help and treatment. You get led in very nice, and then the big iron doors shut behind you and lock.

Then, if you want out, your doctor revokes your "voluntary" status. I know because it has happened to me. What happens next is your lack of freedom is abused to the point you develop post traumatic stress disorder, which may lead to future hospitalizations.

I went through all kinds of depressive problems, anxiety, and nervous breakdowns. A lot of them had to do with despair over social situations like you say.

I too can trace my problems back to elementary school. I was constantly picked on and teased for being small and physically weak compared to the other schoolboys. I was rejected by the cliques, and utterly rejected by a string of girls in Middle School who I felt very strongly about.

I was very fed up with other people. It really bothered me that I wanted a girlfriend, but I couldn't just force any of them to be my girlfriend. It was totally up to them, and I had no say in it. And I was rejected. I felt like someone else had complete power over me.

I went through this downward spiral where I was feeling that I was somehow inferior (and that is exactly the message I got from my peers.) I also felt that the objects of my love were somehow better. They had boyfriends, and were very happy and cheerful.

I eventually balanced things out in my favor by systematically changing my attachment style.

Attachment styles are generally made into 4 categories. You can either think highly of yourself, or poorly of yourself. You can think highly of others, or poorly of others. This allows for 4 combinations of styles.

Secure = Like yourself, like others
Anxious = Hate yourself, like others
Avoidant = Like yourself, hate others
Fearful = Hate yourself, hate others

I moved from Anxious to Avoidant. It's a long and hard journey, but it pays off. I'm not totally there yet, but each day I become less dependant on others, and more focused on myself (who has never let myself down yet.) Only this year have I really started to be at peace with myself.

I've learned how to enjoy being alone, how to not be bothered when things go wrong for others. Acting selfishly can really pay off too. There are so many ways that you can maximize your own well-being by making sacrifices of others' (which your senses will never feel anyway), and you can train your conscience to avoid being troubled by it.

If I didn't make this change in my life, I'd be in a lonely rut with people walking all over me. Now I'm fine being alone, and I do some of my own walking on others.

I was powerless for a long time, and it feels good to finally hold the power and the leverage.

Gotta be careful about the psychiatrists. They are highly trained, yes. But, they always push a pro-social method of treatment in which the general welfare of society is always valued over your personal welfare.

[Aegix Drakan]

Well, now I know why Glenn is so...umm... unusual. But hey, I see your reasoning behind it.

Look Anthony, I don't know how I can help, but... If you have a lot of trouble functioning like that, perhaps try to shift your mentality.

I had a troubles like Glenn's (minus the girlfriends. I've only really gotten attached to a girl twice, and both times they already had someone. One of the m to a good friend of mine. >_< that hurt for a little while...). I was always looked on as inferior. That feeling was only worsened by my horrible high school experience. It was only afte rcollege that I began to have any real self-esteem.

Anyway, Anthony, I hope that one way or another, you can conquer this problem. Sorry if I can't really give any advice, but I've never had a problem that bad.

[Brasel]

I've been through this exact same sort of thing myself.

You have to be careful about the psychiatrist. If things continue to be bad, don't be surprised if he or she suggests you to voluntarily check into a mental facility for a week. They'll make it sound like you are going to get help and treatment. You get led in very nice, and then the big iron doors shut behind you and lock.

Then, if you want out, your doctor revokes your "voluntary" status. I know because it has happened to me. What happens next is your lack of freedom is abused to the point you develop post traumatic stress disorder, which may lead to future hospitalizations.

I've already had that happen to me once before I joined the army. I made sure that it won't happen here. I'm pretty sure it won't seeing as they're trying to get people better so they can deploy to Iraq on time. I highly doubt that they're going to stick me in a ward because it would very well endanger my deployability status.

[Darth Marsden]

You have my utmost sympathies. I can't imagine what anyone goes through when you describe things like that, but I hope that you can overcome it. Life may suck sometimes, but overall it's pretty good, and the few bad times are far outweighed by the good in most cases.

The good thing is that you will have as much support from all of us here as you need. You have others who have been through something similar who can help you as best they can. You have (I hope!) friends who will always be here for you and are always willing to talk.

All the best. Hope things get better for you.

[mrz84]

Like Prr, I don't have much to offer but my ears (for listening of course), but would gladely help in any way I can. :kitty:

[Mitsukara]

I've been through major depression (between losing someone I loved, transsexuality, and my bad relationship with my parents), and have major social ineptitude due to a lack of experiences (yay homeschooling; again with the parents). I've never been on any emotion-affecting medication or seen a doctor for anything. Yet. I'm going to, because that's what you have to do for transsexuality, and I'm worried about my physical health.

And yet, while I try not to be conceited and saying this conflicts with that, I've been repeatedly told how patient, nice, and compassionate I am. The only time people treat me like shit is when those people are assholes, as best I can tell.

And now I live with someone who has major depression from unknown causes, that takes three prozacs a day and was on ritalin as early as elementary school. And seems to suffer from severe lack of concentration now, at that.

I really have to wonder if the entirety of the FDA and all mental treatment in America is actually extremely corrupt. It seems to cause at least as many problems as it claims to "fix".

To get back to the main topic, though, Anthony, your problems are very normal and understandable. It's very strong of you to put them into words so directly, at that. I believe you can work through it- just be careful about how you try to do so.

In my personal belief, the person who has the most control over who you are, how you think and function, and what you want to do, is you. When I was 12 I directly decided that I didn't like who I'd been based on my experiences in the previous year, so I decided to explore myself and figure out exactly who I wanted to be. I have been working towards those goals ever since: I strive to be kind and polite, to ask questions about everything and explore all possibilities, to avoid being egotistical/conceited as best I can, and to be understanding and compassionate. Whether I succeed in this goal or not, I'm in a poor perspective to judge, but I try for these goals, and it has really changed who I am. I decide for myself who I am, and it seems to work for me.

But on the other hand, having the support of others- if those others really care and are good for you- is always good too. Incidentally, you're happily married, correct? If it's not out of bounds for me to do so, I'd suggest talking to her about it, too.

[Brasel]

But on the other hand, having the support of others- if those others really care and are good for you- is always good too. Incidentally, you're happily married, correct? If it's not out of bounds for me to do so, I'd suggest talking to her about it, too.

You're right, I am happily married, and I do talk to her about it. Sometimes its a little hard to because I hate worrying her.

[Prrkitty]

Anthony... much as I understand your point (that you don't want to worry her), worrying about you IS her privledge. She needs to be able to help you thru this. It will help your relationship, you personally, her personally and life in general :)
(hug)

[phattonez]

For one, I would stop taking pills. I've never liked the idea of pills being able to change my mood. Second, you have to find a way to relieve your stress. It seems like you had found that through the army, but I would expect stress if you're being deployed to Iraq. You have to find something where you can let all your emotions out, where you can put your frustrations so they don't stay in you. Maybe work out or start running every day. But also, don't forget to give yourself some time to relax to do what you want. Don't let life control you.

[Daarkseid]

I started seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist several weeks ago and they put me on effexor for depression and anxiety. I thought it had been working, but I don't think it has been anymore. I dunno. Just fealt like sharing and uh, maybe I'll talk more about it someday but, I think I'm done for now.

Medications for mental health problems seem to be mostly hit or miss, and probably for good reason. Our understanding of the human brain and the nervous system in general is astonishingly low compared to the rest of human anatomy.

It's probably going to be quite a while before they create ideal prescription medications for actual mental health problems, and I speculate its actually going to be prescribed based not on sessions with a psychologist or psychiatrists, but by simply a measure of brain chemicals recorded during day to day activities(using some kind of monitor). With that, a specific medication regimen could be formulated and used.

How long we're away from such methods or if we'll even see them in our life times isn't known though.

Also, its possible psychiatry is a good amount quackery, at least according to this newsweek (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19121639/site/newsweek/) article.

I've been asked by my doctors to consider counseling, but I've always turned it down(I have serious anxiety problems too and take medication to at least manage). Those last few times I was in a session was in the hospital(for my normal ailment) and they'd have a counselor come talk to me as standard procedure and somehow I felt worse after having been asked to open up.

[AlexMax]

Also, its possible psychiatry is a good amount quackery, at least according to this newsweek (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19121639/site/newsweek/) article.

It may be inprecise, but it's better than Tom Cruise.

[Daarkseid]

It may be inprecise, but it's better than Tom Cruise.

Yeah, I'm not a proponent of that kind of crazy. I didn't mean to come off as against mental healthcare as it is, I was only trying to point out to what extreme it is less than ideal.

I may have doubts about psychotherapy, but currently its the only real way to diagnose mental health problems and then to prescribe appropriate therapy/medication. I also have no problems with pills, because I'm of the view that most mental illness is the result of bad wiring/chemical levels in the brain.

We're going in the right direction, its just going to take more and more research and development.