Rammstein
07-22-2007, 12:17 AM
My father passed away on April 11th and I cannot get over it. Since he died I have a hard time dealing with anything. I am angry at everything and dont feel like interacting with anyone.
He passed away of cancer. What made it difficult is the fact that he was 8 hours away from home. I drove for the first time 1 week prior to his death , and he was fine. The doctors said he had a while left, and my dad wanted me to go home and keep working and come back later on and keep on with my life, not let this slow me down.
I did not really wanted to, but for some stupid reason I did. He seemed to be getting better with the days that passed that we all thought he had a lot of time ahead. So I was going to go back for my 2 weeks vacation later in the same month.
The nexy day I am back in Ontario I get a call at work saying he is on his last hours , took a turn for the wrost. I drove back as fast as I can , and sadly he was unable to comminicate anymore with me. He passed away 20 hours after I arrived, which I stayed on his side and did not leave him, except once to do a phone call, when he came back he was already passed away, which is something i highly regret now, I should have never left the room , not even for a minute.
I feel frustrated. The last few years I was barely with him because I moved away. For some stupid reason I blame my Wife for this because she is the one who wanted me to move. I have been really bad with her because I blame her for not being with my dad in his last months of his life. I cannot even touch her or spend time with her without being upset at her.
I also have been doing terrible emotionaly with everything, work etc etc. I want to be alone all the time. I regret leaving him when he was in the hospital , and seeing him like this for a whole day made me cry a lot. I am on the edge of loosing my job because I just dont care what is going to happen to me.
My dad and I where not very close, except in the last few moments when he found out my wife was pregenant. It got us closer to each other. The sad part abotu this is that he tried to hold on until my son was born so he could see him, and he passes way 2 days before his birth.
I dont know how I will get over this, no one else in my family is close to me. I feel like im left alone here dealing with this and that no one cares, I dont know how people can just get over it so easly...
He passed away of cancer. What made it difficult is the fact that he was 8 hours away from home. I drove for the first time 1 week prior to his death , and he was fine. The doctors said he had a while left, and my dad wanted me to go home and keep working and come back later on and keep on with my life, not let this slow me down.
I did not really wanted to, but for some stupid reason I did. He seemed to be getting better with the days that passed that we all thought he had a lot of time ahead. So I was going to go back for my 2 weeks vacation later in the same month.
The nexy day I am back in Ontario I get a call at work saying he is on his last hours , took a turn for the wrost. I drove back as fast as I can , and sadly he was unable to comminicate anymore with me. He passed away 20 hours after I arrived, which I stayed on his side and did not leave him, except once to do a phone call, when he came back he was already passed away, which is something i highly regret now, I should have never left the room , not even for a minute.
I feel frustrated. The last few years I was barely with him because I moved away. For some stupid reason I blame my Wife for this because she is the one who wanted me to move. I have been really bad with her because I blame her for not being with my dad in his last months of his life. I cannot even touch her or spend time with her without being upset at her.
I also have been doing terrible emotionaly with everything, work etc etc. I want to be alone all the time. I regret leaving him when he was in the hospital , and seeing him like this for a whole day made me cry a lot. I am on the edge of loosing my job because I just dont care what is going to happen to me.
My dad and I where not very close, except in the last few moments when he found out my wife was pregenant. It got us closer to each other. The sad part abotu this is that he tried to hold on until my son was born so he could see him, and he passes way 2 days before his birth.
I dont know how I will get over this, no one else in my family is close to me. I feel like im left alone here dealing with this and that no one cares, I dont know how people can just get over it so easly...