Death

[Cloral]

OK, so yesterday (Sunday) I got up, had breakfast, and went out for a quick bike ride. This is pretty typical for me, getting active in the morning helps keep me from feeling lazy and sluggish all day long. So when I left my apartment, there was a woman lying on one of the deck chairs by the pool. I'd seen her before, I'm quite sure she lived in the apartment complex, but I didn't actually know her.
For whatever reason I didn't have a lot of energy yesterday, so my ride was a relatively short one and I was back about 40-45 minutes later. When I got back, she had moved from the deck chair to one of the more upright chairs and was kinda slouched over. I figured that she was taking a little nap. Well about an hour later I noticed she was still sitting there, and another woman walked over there and kinda nudged her. No response. She was dead. The paramedics came and spent a good while crowded around her, but clearly there wouldn't be any reviving her at that point.
The surreal part of it was that an hour later, there was no sign that anything had happened. There was a family enjoying a nice sunny afternoon at the pool, the mother keeping her watchful eye on the kids from the very same chair where the woman had died. Everything was the same, except that a life had flickered out.

This all got me to thinking, as death is wont to do. First of all, did I screw up big time? Had I realized when I got back that something was wrong and called 911 then, could that have saved her? Thinking about this some more, I realized that when I got back, the woman who later called 911 had also been out in the courtyard and apparently made the same judgment I had - that the woman was simply sleeping. So it wasn't an unreasonable conclusion. However, if I ever see someone sitting/lying in an at all suspicious position, I'm damn well going to make sure that person is alive.

Second, I was thinking how when she got up in the morning, she had no idea that it was going to be her last day on earth. I mean, if she did know, she wouldn't've been laying around over by the pool, right? Which got me to thinking, if you woke up knowing that by the end of the day you would be dead, what would you do? Assuming that all your stuff was in order and you had until the end of the day (unlike this woman, she didn't even have until lunch), and knowing that there wouldn't be long-term consequences for what you did since you'd be dead anyway, what would you most like to do?

[MottZilla]

Until you know the cause of death you have no idea what happened and if you could have done anything. She could have had a stroke or heart attack while you were gone and been fine before you left. There's alot of things that could have killed her. And even had you called 911 there's no reason to assume she'd be alive now. So I wouldn't go all getting bent up about it.

As for what people would do knowing it was their last day alive, I imagine alot of what people would really do would involve crime and lots of pleasure. I mean you'd only have a day so you couldn't have really planned ahead for anything great. ;p

[phattonez]

At least she didn't die in the pool, that would have been freaky.

There was no way that you could have known that she was dead, don't worry yourself about it.

[Glenn the Great]

Maybe she did know it was her last day. She popped some pills and laid in the chair to die.

[Beldaran]

I would probably take out a loan for $100,000 and just go around riding rollercoasters, driving super fast, listening to rock and roll, and having as much wild unprotected sex as possible.

[ShadowTiger]

Then do it. :blah:

[Prrkitty]

Cloral... I hope you don't agonize over this hon. I doubt there was anything that could have been done for her... even if you had called sooner.

You're in my prayers honey <hug> as is her friends, family and those involved.

[Mitsukara]

Second, I was thinking how when she got up in the morning, she had no idea that it was going to be her last day on earth. I mean, if she did know, she wouldn't've been laying around over by the pool, right? Which got me to thinking, if you woke up knowing that by the end of the day you would be dead, what would you do? Assuming that all your stuff was in order and you had until the end of the day (unlike this woman, she didn't even have until lunch), and knowing that there wouldn't be long-term consequences for what you did since you'd be dead anyway, what would you most like to do?

I would spend the day with the person I love (Sarria). I'd try to have fun and be happy together, and make her happy, as best I could. I would try to do anything I could to make it easier for her. If I were focused enough and could do so without taking away from that, I might also try to make one last piece of art of some kind, a drawing or something. I would tell her I love her and that, if it is possible, I hope I will always be with her. I would try to end the day in her arms.

So basically, it'd be like when we usually have a day off at the same time, only cutting the unimportant crap out.

I also strongly hope there is an afterlife, though I have no idea if there really is or not. I would probably pray on a broad scale ("to anyone or anything that's out there" kind of thing) if I were alone for a moment.

I've had a few experiences with death (most of which would be my experience with balzac), so it's something I've thought about a lot. I'd still have to say that my strongest wish is that I can somehow spend eternity with the two people I love.

Sarria and I also recently had a guilt-testing experience in regards to other people dying. There was a motorcycle accident one car behind us, and for some reason- there wouldn't be any good reason, it should never have been that way- the person driving had a little kid riding on the back. We didn't get a close view so we don't know if anyone died, but Sarria pointed out later in the day that the circumstances for the wreck wouldn't have been the same if we hadn't stopped to turn right there. To make it worse, it was also the wrong place to turn off, as we realized when we had to turn around and go back that way a couple minutes afterwards (of course, we got stuck for several minutes after that).

Other than that the day was pretty good. It was the 4th of July, and Sarria seemed to have a lot of fun with the fireworks and her friends. I'm not sure when exactly she thought of the details, but it really bothered her.

The way I see it, we had no way of knowing that would happen, didn't really do anything that directly or particularly should've caused it, and really had no way of doing anything about it. It's horrible, but I don't think it was really Sarria's responsibility in any way either. Nature sucks like that, and people tend to do incredibly stupid things like putting little kids on high-velocity unprotected vehicles. The best you can do is try not to make similar mistakes, try to be careful, and just try to handle each situation the best you can. And learn from it when things do go wrong, although learning and feeling guilty are two entirely seperate things.

Sorry for the lengthy monologue there >.> Hope it did something for someone.

[Cloral]

You're right in your thinking. If there's no way you could know beforehand what random consequences your action would have, then you're not responsible if something bad happens to come out of it. For instance, say you were going downtown with a friend and had a choice of 2 ways to get there. You chose the route over a bridge. While crossing the bridge, a semi loses control on the highway below, and crashes into one of the supports, causing the bridge to collapse, killing your friend. Even though you made the decision to go that way, there's no way you could've known that would happen when you made your decision, so it isn't your fault.

I should also say that I'm not really feeling guilty for not calling 911. I did somewhat at first, but then I remembered that the other woman had also been out around the pool and had come to the same conclusion as I. So it's a reasonable mistake to make. And as you pointed out Mottzilla, there's no guarantee that it would've made any difference. Though I'm hoping that I've learned from this - if I see something like it again I'll make sure the person is OK.

[Glenn the Great]

Heh, if I were in your situation, I'd still be having giggle fits over possibly earning my first "HK"

[biggiy05]

Heh, if I were in your situation, I'd still be having giggle fits over possibly earning my first "HK"

You are one very disturbing person. And yes I know what you're trying to make a joke about but it's still fucked up.

[bigjoe]

If you woke up knowing that by the end of the day you would be dead, what would you do?

Try to remember all the promises I've made and at least TRY to keep them.

[Lilith]

Don't worry. there are much worse ways to go than death by chillin' :)

[Maverick_Zero]

my last day on earth? I'd take a shit in a pee and poo filled public toilet, cause I've always been scared and disgusted to do it, and I'm not goin out like a coward.

[AtmaWeapon]

I would probably post about it on a forum if it were my last day on Earth then I think I'd probably go buy the newer pokemon game I hear it's pretty great.