I need some serious help

[Master Ghaleon]

I know that prolly most of you guys and girls are younger though Im looking for some serious help. Some of you might of been in my situation, others might not. I have talked to most of you and I wish that you help a brother in need. As I type this out tears are running down my face. Most of you know that I was in a great relationship with someone and a few months ago it ended, well for her anyway. For me its been a reoccurring nightmare. Everyother night sometimes weeks straight. I have a hard time getting to sleep without crying myself to sleep. The relationship ended pretty much like a trainwreck, it was pretty messed up in my eyes. I still have feelings for her and its hurts so badly that sometimes i break down and cry. This is really fucking with my head and I need help to try to move on. Its like everyday I hear a song that reminds me of her or see something and it makes me think of her. I was even hoping that there was a way to get back with her, but I dont think that will ever happen. Shes embedded into my heart that I cannot stop thinking about her. Its leaving me into pieces. I really need some suggestions to help me through this very tough time for me. What hurts the most is that i loved her with all my heart and she was my world and now im left here with nothing buy heartbreak and tears. Ive fallen in love and fell flat on my face. I need help, suggestions will be greatful and I thank you guys for trying to help me(the ones ive talked to in private)

Ive tried going out with friends, hanging out with girls, just going on simple dates. None of these things are working.

[hellebeest]

I haven't had this experience your feeling, so nothing really much i can say to help.

I would of say something to draw away your attention from her, some people devote all of their time to their work/hobby, most of it anyway.
That way you don't have to think all day of her all the time, and you can procces her loss bit by bit, but then again from reading your post you
mostly get this at nights. This is something that should be wearing off a bit after these few months, even if it's just a bit.
What you could try is actively think of it, this actually is a method for people who have a hard time getting to sleep,
a half an before they go to sleep they actively think of their worries, beliefe this helps proccesing, maybe something you could try.
And if it's really that bad, you should go talk to a psychiatrist, no it doesn't mean your crazy, but these people can help you best.
Especially if it's messing with your head, not only are these people qualified, but sometimes it's better to talk to a strainger. (No offence meant to friends who try to help from the last line)
I hope i didn't come over too simple minded, all i can say is best of luck in overcoming this ordeal, hope you get over her soon.

[DarkDragon]

I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through... I can't honestly say I've ever loved a girl and I can't completely relate, though I've dealt with my fair share of ugly breakups...
The time after my first was probably the most productive of my life - I threw myself at my work, my research, my friends' projects, anything that would keep my mind from wandering, would focus my attention entirely on the moment, and get me *excited* about what I was doing. The hardest times were the nights and weekends - I'd go out with my friends but never really enjoy myself, especially when around girls or non-single friends; I'm impressed you've tried dating girls, I don't think I would have been able to handle that. Scotch helped at nights, beer on the weekends, though that was perhaps not the best way of coping :shrug:
Although obvious it's very important to avoid fantasies of getting back together or of her at all, they're hard to avoid but have brought me nothing but extended heartache and led me to do truly stupid things.
Best of luck getting through this...

[Lilith]

Just go through the motions of life as normal, eventually proving to yourself physically that you have no need of her (you don't). As for grieving, you should indulge that for awhile imo before letting it cool. Time will seal it up soon, so some of it is just waiting. Try to concentrate more on being normal than any vices that will carry over. Eventually, it will fade. You don't really need her, you just built your life around a certain view of things, so you'll adjust to developing in another direction.

[rocksfan13]

Unfortunately, I have been through this. Took me quite a while to get over it.

Can't say how I got over it though. I was still in High school, so there really wasn't much to my life at the time.

Do you have any hobbies? Try one of those. I have found recently that if something is upsetting me that I can go off and enjoy one of my hobbies and it really calms me down. I mean if you can find one that you can really sink your teeth into and get involved in, eventually you will begin to forget her( not really forget, but you know what I mean).

Sorry about your loss man. Having been there, I can sympathsize. Terrible stuff. Hope you pull through.

[moocow]

Well, to be honest, there's really nothing that DOES help. Being with friends or whatever helps you stop thinking about it for the time being, but it's really something that you just get over. You can't make yourself stop, you just eventually get over it. I wish there was more that we could do for you, MG. But other than going out and getting smashed everynight until you die of alcohol poisoning, I'm really not sure what else you can do...

*hug(

[elise]

Left behind with a broken heart you go to a sort of mourning proces only difference is there isn't a dead body but a dead relationship. You accepting that it really is over and you can't have it back is already a big step , you can't do anything to get it extra quick out off your mind but time will give it a place .You just have to give it time :uhoh:

[Archibaldo]

I was almost in a situation like this. The hard part for me was the fact that I wa in high school at the time and I saw her everday. Every thing seemed to remind me of her. Where you and I differ though is the fact that we got back together. The only advice I could give you is to try to think of reasons why to not still love her. I've heard of some cases where that has worked, but it' very difficult to do, because most of the time there are no reasons one can think of. But your best bet is to take up a hobby and devot all your attention to it. As for how long it will take to heal, I've discovered that it usually takes twice as long as the relationship was. i.e. if you went out for 6 months it will take an additional year to get over it. It's not a sure fire formula, but I find that establishing a deadline to getting over a relationship sometimes helps. At least then there's always the false hope of limited amount of pain.

[Beldaran]

Think of the most hateful, obnoxious, immoral, disgusting person you can possbly imagine, and constantly project that persona onto her image. Whenever you think of her, think of that.

What you have to come to realize is that she is not who you think she is. She doesn't love you, she isn't sweet, and it wasn't meant to be. All of these feelings you have are incorrectly projected on to her. Save them for someone who deserves them.

Also, take all the energy you are wasting thinking about her and use it to improve your life. Get better grades, do better at work, learn, read, aquire new skills. Be more selfish.

[ZTC]

I haven't gone through something like that before. It's already been said before a few times but; "With time, comes healing" (at least that's how I think it goes); as the days pass, it'll hurt less and less. Hang in there MG, and I hope you find someone better than her.

[Modus Ponens]

Also, take all the energy you are wasting thinking about her and use it to improve your life. Get better grades, do better at work, learn, read, aquire new skills. Be more selfish.

Bel's right about that. This time is for you now. You were in a relationship before, so that time was for two people, but now this time is for you alone, and you're still trying to spend it on two people.

Surround yourself with close friends as often as is convenient for them, and make sure they're cool with you having a hard time of it. They can make your life easier. And don't use alcohol or other drugs, because they won't help you heal. They have a way of becoming a crutch, and once you get used to a crutch, if you try to remove it, you're right back where you started.

Remember that your suffering is valid and warranted. Even if it was not meant to be, you still gave a part of your life and your heart to this person, so there's some recovering to be done.

Honestly, I think a good suggestion is to write a poem or a song (or, perhaps, a short story) about your feelings. Through the history of poetry and music, this is exactly what people have been writing about. You don't have to share your work with anyone else. If what you end up with is a piece of crap, it still helped. Remember that nobody composes a hit single on their first songwriting attempt. This could be the start of a hobby for you, and you may surprise yourself at how much you end up writing. It certainly is a great place to start.

If nothing else, be comforted by the fact that you've gotten ten replies in nine hours, so you know we care.

[Beldaran]

Also, cover your ass with peanut butter and run naked into random businessse shouting "Oh my god! Give me a job!"

It's like, theraputic man.

[biggiy05]

Also, cover your ass with peanut butter and run naked into random businessse shouting "Oh my god! Give me a job!"

It's like, theraputic man.

Crunchy or creamy?

[moocow]

Crunchy or creamy?

I think the kind with the jelly already mixed in would be best.

[Master Ghaleon]

I am happy to see all the suggestions and people that have been in shitty situations like me to tell thier stories. I was leaning towards closing this cause I was talking to someone tonight that may have gaven me a hint to go see a therapist which who knows i may, but I would love to hear any more that people can think of.

[Dechipher]

Obviously time will take care of most of it.
What helps me is to channel my negative feelings into something else, such as music. If you can find that thing that works for you, it will make everything better.

[Master Ghaleon]

Obviously time will take care of most of it.
What helps me is to channel my negative feelings into something else, such as music. If you can find that thing that works for you, it will make everything better.

Hey speaking about music, hows that theme song going along? :D

[vegeta1215]

I found some places on the web with (what I think) is some good advice, that may help you out:

10 thinks you oughta know about breaking uop:
- http://teenadvice.about.com/od/factsheetsforteens/a/10thingsbreakup.htm

How to get over a break up :
- http://www.howtodothings.com/family-and-relationships/a2201-how-to-get-over-a-break-up.html
- http://www.howtodothings.com/family-and-relationships/a1632-how-to-get-over-a-break-up.html

[{DSG}DarkRaven]

MG, this may be common knowledge to everyone but me, but how old are you? If I'm guessing correctly, you're still in high school? Let me reassure you with a simple statement:

Breaking up sucks.

If at any time, you try to make it not suck, try to get your mind off it, or try to demonize your ex, stop. You're going to feel crappy, you're going to be reminded about it by everything, and your ex is the same person she always was (which may or may not be a good thing, but her taking the initiative to break up with you does not necessarily make her a monster).

Cyborg referenced up there the saying "Time heals all wounds", and this is mostly true. Scars never heal, but after a while, you kinda forget about them, until you remember, and then you reminisce a little and go on with life. Last year, on my birthday (2005), I met someone who would eventually become my girlfriend, via distance. Now, you can all say what you will about e-relationships, but as far as they go, we put the effort into it. I'm talking nightly IM chats and phone conversations that went into two or three hours easy, almost every night. Web cams, letters, and eventually, face to face visits. She drove almost 300 miles (one way) to meet me. I was serious about it.

And then came the day after Christmas, when after two inter-state visits and almost a year of correspondence, she gave me that I-love-you-but-I'm-not-in-love-with-you crap. Right as I was jumping through holiday hoops at work to spend new years with her. I was pretty devastated for a while, but the fact that she became really unpleasant afterwards made it easier to disconnect myself from it all. It took me a few months to clear my head and get over it all (Moocow knows about this), and after I finally stopped getting angry text messages, I got a new girlfriend and have been happy ever since.

I don't know your situation, but I'm sure it's different from mine. That limits my ability to help, since the above story is about the only time I've ever been dumped, so I don't have any other tales to tell. But there are a few lessons to be learned, I think.

1. Long-distance relationships can work, if you put forth the effort.
2. Any relationship can fail, even if you put forth the work.
3. You can't control how someone else feels, or the choices they make.
4. When a relationship goes bad, it's hardly ever mutually agreed upon.
5. It may seem like the end of the world, but it won't feel so bad in retrospect.
6. Life happens, both good and bad, when you least expect it.


Maybe in time, you'll be able to be friends with this girl. Maybe not. Don't feel bad if you can't go back to a more platonic relationship. You shouldn't feel guilty for things not working out any more than she should. Remember that the longer you spend grieving over the death of your relationship, the more time you'll lose that you could be spending not being bummed out. Thinking that won't cure the hurt, but it will help you recover faster. Be logical, not emotional. Your relationship is over, and it cannot be resurrected by any amount of tears. A harsh truth, but a truth nevertheless.

You'll find the right person eventually, MG. And when you do, I promise you, you'll wonder why you ever felt sad.

[Rainman]

MG, this may be common knowledge to everyone but me, but how old are you? If I'm guessing correctly, you're still in high school?

He's nowhere near in high school.

[Modus Ponens]

Well said, DarkRaven.

MasterGhaleon, I personally have a good opinion of therapy. I see a therapist weekly for my problems with school and ADD and such, and I always walk out of his door feeling way better about myself and my situation. It's a sort of empowerment that I don't get anywhere else, and I recommend it to you, particularly since you're talking about it already. Remember that your therapist will not be able to solve your problems for you, but through therapy you'll learn to solve them, and much more quickly than without help. Deciding to see a therapist is a brave move, and if you decide to do it, I think it's a great choice.

[{DSG}DarkRaven]

He's nowhere near in high school.

Well, crap man, how old are you? I must've read that first line wrong where you referenced young people, and assumed you were one of them. Oops.

Is it just me, or does anyone else keep getting a link to chowder soup at the top of the page, right below the control panel/arcade/etc. links bar? Maybe you should check it out, MG. Nothing cures a broken heart like chowder. Comfort food.

[elise]

Well, crap man, how old are you? I must've read that first line wrong where you referenced young people, and assumed you were one of them. Oops.

That first line where he said that he understand that most people here are younger then him .............maybe just looking in someones profile already gives you some idea , some people just filled them in with the thruth :)

[Rainman]

Huh, he's younger than I thought he was (I just knew he wasn't a high schooler), but his profile says he's 25.

[Master Ghaleon]

Yes i am 25 going on 26 in november

[{DSG}DarkRaven]

Ah. You're not much older than I am.

You really ought to try that chowder thing. I said it as a joke initially, but if you're able to channel your angst and other emotions into picking up a new skill, it may provide the relief you seek. It will occupy your time, make you feel better about yourself (if you're successful), and when you meet the next potential Mrs. Ghaleon, you can impress her with your newfound abilities. Turn your frustration into something positive.

Besides, what woman can resist a good chowder?

[Prrkitty]

DarkRaven... MasterG's a chef darlin. I'm sure he could "outcook" most of us.
:)

[Master Ghaleon]

I suck at writing but I wrote a long ass poem in 3 hours today. If you wanna call it that lol I suck at writing like I said but once I started to write, it just flowed together. I actually feel alot better now. Thanks guys!

[biggiy05]

I suck at writing but I wrote a long ass poem in 3 hours today. If you wanna call it that lol I suck at writing like I said but once I started to write, it just flowed together. I actually feel alot better now. Thanks guys!

It's a nice outlet for some. Doesn't work for everyone though. I wrote a poem around this time last year for my friend then just keep dishing out more and more. I wish had saved the ones I started with. After my then girlfriend broke up with me I just started writing, it helped and now I'm back to writing whatever comes to mind.

Still like Beldaran's peanut butter idea.

[Breaker]

Poems and cooking are for pussies. Take up serial killing. If you were so inclined, you could even leave little poems or cook your victims. Think outside the box.

ps, she's not even worth making a thread over.

[Dechipher]

DarkRaven... MasterG's a chef darlin. I'm sure he could "outcook" most of us.
:)

Man he's just messing up all over the place :P

[Modus Ponens]

Well, I don't know if I would say that he "messed up" by suggesting that MG make some chowder. If anything, it was quite appropriate.

[biggiy05]

Poems and cooking are for pussies. Take up serial killing. If you were so inclined, you could even leave little poems or cook your victims. Think outside the box.

ps, she's not even worth making a thread over.

Says the big bad wolf.

Writing obviously helped him and so did this thread, he felt it was worth making. Just because some people prefer to talk about things and ask for advice on the situation instead of hiding behind a monitor trying to act like a big man.