Saffith
11-13-2005, 09:30 PM
http://invis.free.anonymizer.com/http://www.jonessoda.com/gifs5/Target-Holiday-Pack-med.jpg
http://invis.free.anonymizer.com/http://www.jonessoda.com/gifs5/Target-bottles-med.jpg
My brother got one of these to try with his friends. And me.
And let me tell you, if you enjoy intense nausea, you should rush out to Target (the only place that carries them) and grab them while they last.
This box set contains five bottles of soda in the following flavors:
- Brussels Sprout with Prosciutto
- Cranberry Sauce
- Turkey & Gravy
- Wild Herb Stuffing
- Pumpkin Pie
It also had a spork, a moist towelette, and, I swear to God, a list of wines to go with each flavor.
So, we brought these things to dinner tonight. In all, I think we got about twenty people to try them. Surprisingly, only one demanded a written apology, and none swore revenge within earshot, but a few were put off their dinners for some time.
So, how do they taste?
In order of increasing godawfulness...
Not too surprisingly, the cranberry one wasn't bad. It tasted more like cranberries than cranberry juice does, actually. As it was the only good one, it was consumed after the others to help subdue their various sickening aftertastes.
The pumpkin pie was not good. Not terrible, but not good. Sort of like pumpkin pie if it were spicy and bitter. Relatively unremarkable.
Turkey and gravy. It tasted like turkey and gravy. Which is fine, if you're eating turkey and gravy. Not so much with soft drinks. It looked like turkey and gravy, too. I mean, it was exactly the same color as if they had put turkey and gravy in a blender and liquefied it. There were even little stringy particles floating around in it. Really, the idea of drinking this stuff was worse than the actual taste, but that's certianly not to say it was good.
The herb stuffing one was pretty horrid. Similar to unflavored Slush Puppy water, but somehow far more offensive. Sort of just faint, bland, tasteless bitterness. If for no good reason you wanted people to buy a soft drink and be mildly annoyed at how much it cost, and that desire had a flavor, this would be it.
The Brussels sprout one. Hands-down, the most disgusting thing that's ever been in my mouth. I would make a Family Guy-style "except for that one time" joke here, but I honestly can't think of anything nastier. In terms of disgustingness, it was comparable to performing oral sex on a hobo's rotting corpse. The stuff smelled like spoiled milk, and it tasted worse. You know how when you pick up a bag of garbage, there's that liquid that runs out the bottom sometimes? We ultimately agreed that they'd just collected a bunch of that stuff and carbonated it. Truly, truly awful.
Incidentally, one of the people there has a habit of emitting extremely loud, prolonged belches. He did so tonight after trying all the sodas. As soon as he smelled it, he spent the next few minutes writhing around and trying desperately not to vomit. It was quite a sight.
So, that's that. There are more:
http://invis.free.anonymizer.com/http://www.jonessoda.com/gifs5/DSD-Holiday-Pack-med.jpg
http://invis.free.anonymizer.com/http://www.jonessoda.com/gifs5/DSD-bottles-med.jpg
Flavors: Broccoli Casserole, Smoked Salmon Paté , Turkey & Gravy, Corn on the Cob, and Pecan Pie.
I know my brother wants to try those, too. The closest they're sold is Boston, though, and he doesn't go out there very often. But if he does, I'll probably let you know how they are. I'm guessing bad.
http://invis.free.anonymizer.com/http://www.jonessoda.com/gifs5/Target-bottles-med.jpg
My brother got one of these to try with his friends. And me.
And let me tell you, if you enjoy intense nausea, you should rush out to Target (the only place that carries them) and grab them while they last.
This box set contains five bottles of soda in the following flavors:
- Brussels Sprout with Prosciutto
- Cranberry Sauce
- Turkey & Gravy
- Wild Herb Stuffing
- Pumpkin Pie
It also had a spork, a moist towelette, and, I swear to God, a list of wines to go with each flavor.
So, we brought these things to dinner tonight. In all, I think we got about twenty people to try them. Surprisingly, only one demanded a written apology, and none swore revenge within earshot, but a few were put off their dinners for some time.
So, how do they taste?
In order of increasing godawfulness...
Not too surprisingly, the cranberry one wasn't bad. It tasted more like cranberries than cranberry juice does, actually. As it was the only good one, it was consumed after the others to help subdue their various sickening aftertastes.
The pumpkin pie was not good. Not terrible, but not good. Sort of like pumpkin pie if it were spicy and bitter. Relatively unremarkable.
Turkey and gravy. It tasted like turkey and gravy. Which is fine, if you're eating turkey and gravy. Not so much with soft drinks. It looked like turkey and gravy, too. I mean, it was exactly the same color as if they had put turkey and gravy in a blender and liquefied it. There were even little stringy particles floating around in it. Really, the idea of drinking this stuff was worse than the actual taste, but that's certianly not to say it was good.
The herb stuffing one was pretty horrid. Similar to unflavored Slush Puppy water, but somehow far more offensive. Sort of just faint, bland, tasteless bitterness. If for no good reason you wanted people to buy a soft drink and be mildly annoyed at how much it cost, and that desire had a flavor, this would be it.
The Brussels sprout one. Hands-down, the most disgusting thing that's ever been in my mouth. I would make a Family Guy-style "except for that one time" joke here, but I honestly can't think of anything nastier. In terms of disgustingness, it was comparable to performing oral sex on a hobo's rotting corpse. The stuff smelled like spoiled milk, and it tasted worse. You know how when you pick up a bag of garbage, there's that liquid that runs out the bottom sometimes? We ultimately agreed that they'd just collected a bunch of that stuff and carbonated it. Truly, truly awful.
Incidentally, one of the people there has a habit of emitting extremely loud, prolonged belches. He did so tonight after trying all the sodas. As soon as he smelled it, he spent the next few minutes writhing around and trying desperately not to vomit. It was quite a sight.
So, that's that. There are more:
http://invis.free.anonymizer.com/http://www.jonessoda.com/gifs5/DSD-Holiday-Pack-med.jpg
http://invis.free.anonymizer.com/http://www.jonessoda.com/gifs5/DSD-bottles-med.jpg
Flavors: Broccoli Casserole, Smoked Salmon Paté , Turkey & Gravy, Corn on the Cob, and Pecan Pie.
I know my brother wants to try those, too. The closest they're sold is Boston, though, and he doesn't go out there very often. But if he does, I'll probably let you know how they are. I'm guessing bad.