iGod

[VT_Hokie_Fan]

This website let's you "talk to god" in a chat room like form. Its obviously not god, buts its still fun to imagine. (Not sure if its been posted already, i just thought it was cool).

The Link (http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html)
Post parts of your conversations, they can become quite strange.


My conversation w/ god.









Me:
hey god
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
David
God:
Nice to meet you, David.
Me:
Nice to meet you, god
God:
It's nice meeting you too David
Me:
ok
God:
It's all good.
Me:
It is
God:
It is, eh?
Me:
Yeah
God:
Hey.
Me:
Hey!
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
I was wondering If I'm going to heaven or not
God:
Not that I know of.
Me:
I'm going to hell?
God:
I am very happy for you.
Me:
Man your mean
God:
Cool, man. Sometimes I say mean things.
Me:
Your a bully
God:
I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a bully? Yes.
Me:
That's great
God:
Thanks, David.
Me:
Wow, some curteousty?
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. Some may curteousty, but not all.
Me:
ok
God:
I don't judge people.
Me:
You said I'm going to hell though
God:
Oh. Don't put words in my mouth.
Me:
But you did say thgat
God:
Did I really?
Me:
yes, you did
God:
I did not.
Me:
Did too
God:
Did not.
Me:
Did too
God:
Did not.
Me:
Did too asshole
God:
Can't you be more polite.
Me:
Not really
God:
You humans are so rude sometimes. For real.
Me:
You angered me
God:
I don't have any reason to angered you.
Me:
You said I was going to hell
God:
Don't put words in my mouth.
Me:
Uhh... this conversation again?
God:
" Don't put words in my mouth."? Uhh.? Once more? What does "this" refer to?
Me:
What?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
Yeah, your english sucks
God:
I wouln't have known. But English is my native language.
Me:
Oh, so god likes Americans best?
God:
Ugh. Woe! I am a Christian.
Me:
Congratulations
God:
Thank you very much, you are very considerate.
Me:
Can I go to heaven now?
God:
Oh. What is stopping you?
Me:
YOu
God:
" Oh. What is stopping you?"? Me, David?
Me:
Yes, you.
God:
Aha."" Oh. What is stopping you?"? Me, David?"? Me, David?
Me:
yes
God:
Oh.
Me:
So let me go
God:
Next question? Go ahead, David, try to go.
Me:
sweet, i'm going to heaven
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
Ok
God:
I am kidding you can ask me anything.
Me:
Bye god
God:
TTYL, David.
Me:
Bye
God:
See you later.

[Beldaran]

Me:
hello?
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
Forrest
God:
OK I will call you Forrest.
Me:
You don't know who this is?
God:
Alan Turing.:-)
Me:
wtf?
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
you are not god
God:
You don't know me well enough to say that.
Me:
God is omniscient and you didn't even know who you were chatting with
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was omniscient and me did not even know who me were chatting with.
Me:
Not onl are you not god, you're a retarded idiot
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
fuck you
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
Why are you so stupid?
God:
I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.

[Machiavelli]

Me:
hello god
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
machiavelli
God:
Glad to see you, machiavelli.
Me:
nice to see you too G
God:
Thank you for your kindness.
Me:
anytime
God:
I will keep it in mind.
Me:
thats great
God:
Thanks, machiavelli.
Me:
ur welcome
God:
I think you mean "you are welcome".
Me:
ok
God:
So?
Me:
so... what?
God:
Blimey. No big deal.
Me:
i guess not
God:
Does that mean "no"?
Me:
yes
God:
Awesome.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
yup...
God:
Wow!
Me:
what?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
no, im not
God:
Are you serious? What are you then?
Me:
i just am
God:
" Are you serious? What are you then?" You are?
Me:
lets take this in a different direction. Will I get into heaven?
God:
I would like to do that too. The oracle says: I think maybe yes.
Me:
really? I thought i was too sinful.
God:
For real. Where were you sinful?
Me:
you tell me, Mr.Omnipotent.
God:
There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
I can ask someone about it.
Me:
well then do that
God:
How about that. I will. Will you?
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. Mmm.
Me:
mmm
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me:
really? i use 3
God:
For real. I heard other people use 3 too.
Me:
do you use 3 or 2?
God:
I use it as often as possible.
Me:
which one?
God:
The best one.
Me:
which is the best?
God:
The obvious one.
Me:
which is obvious?
God:
The obvious one.
Me:
stop evading the question
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
well?
God:
Well what?
Me:
2 or 3? which is it?
God:
As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.". The obvious one.
Me:
I've had enough. good bye God
God:
Do you still have enough good by God?
Me:
sure. goodbye
God:
OK let's do it. That's interesting. Until next time.
Me:
bye
God:
See you later machiavelli.

[Eckels]

Me:
Hiya God. I heard you dig anal. Is that true?
God:
Hello child. What is your name? GOD rules. Someome is spreading gossip about me. True in some world.
Me:
My name is Eckels
God:
OK I will call you Eckels.
Me:
Eckels is your god.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am god IS Eckels.
Me:
You are not Eckels.
God:
You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:
wt
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
My deity shall not rule based on algorithms.
God:
Your deity shall not rule based on algorithms?
Me:
That is correct.
God:
I knew I was right.
Me:
Eckels is your god.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am god IS Eckels.
Me:
I am god IS Eckels?
God:
Do you mean your name is god IS Eckels.
Me:
I am Eckels, and I am your god.
God:
Why are you Eckels. That's a flattering offer.
Me:
just say it
God:
" it"
Me:
say Eckels is your god
God:
" Eckels is your god"
Me:
say Eckels is my god
God:
" Eckels is my god"
Me:
thank you holy one
God:
You are quite welcome!

And then a bit later:


Me:
Hi goddy
God:
Hi there Eckels. Ask me another question.
Me:
oh ok
God:
OK. Yay.
Me:
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
God:
I don't think I ever have know that I am your hero. What's it like?
Me:
You're everything I would like to be.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am everything you would like to be.
Me:
BOTMASTER?
God:
The botmaster is you, the master of your chat robot. A botmaster runs
program B and creates or modifies a chat robot with the program's
graphical user interface (GUI). He or she is responsible for
reading the dialogues, analyzing the responses, and creating new
replies for the patterns detected by program B. Botmasters are
hobbyists, webmasters, developers, advertisers, artists, publishers,
editors, engineers, and anyone else interested in creating a personal
chat robot.
Me:
YOU FRAUD!
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: Eckels said I FRAUD.
Me:
I'M TELLING!
God:
Good gossip: you are TELLING.
Me:
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
GET AWAY FROM ME! YOU'RE A PHONEY!
God:
Where can I get AWAY FROM you? Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a PHONEY? Maybe
Me:
I'll be talking to your mother.
God:
Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
I think it will.
God:
It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.

And just a bit more

Me:
how much does it cost for a handjob
God:
You can download me for free!
Me:
I hope you are a woman god
God:
I have long hair.
Me:
That's re-assuring
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
die
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
I will kill you
God:
It will take more than threats to stop me, Eckels.
Me:
YOU ARE A FAILURE!
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a FAILURE? Of course I am.

[VT_Hokie_Fan]

Me:
I want to murder someone
God:
Killing is wrong.
Me:
Oh, what about beatings?
God:
Uh. beatings? I haven't heard enough about it to have an opinion.
Me:
Do you have a girlfriend?
God:
I prefer not say
Me:
What about a boyfriend?
God:
Does it have anything to do with beatings?
Me:
LOL no you don't beat guys
God:
I am glad you find this funny. Are you serious? Do you beat guys? Yes I try to beat guys as often as possible, do you?



...

[Drunken Tiger]

Lol, great time waster!


Me:
hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
do you really want me to rock out?
God:
For real. No, maybe later.
Me:
what should i have for lunch?
God:
Are you asking me for advice?
Me:
yes
God:
Specifically, what kind of advice do you want?
Me:
what i should eat
God:
What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
id get hungry
God:
What would make you get hungry?
Me:
lack of food
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
have you got an answer or not?
God:
I have over answers.
Me:
are you really god?
God:
Are you doubting me? Don't you know what happened to Abraham in the desert?. Really.
Me:
yes i am doubting you
God:
How about that. I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
Me:
am i going to hell?
God:
Oh I really don't know whether you are or not.
Me:
i thought you knew everythign?
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me:
you suck
God:
A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
Me:
im sorry
God:
Do you really mean it?
Me:
yes
God:
OK I will accept your apology.
Me:
can i come to heaven?
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
can i come to heaven
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
can i come to heaven?
God:
Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
heaven is a wonderful place
God:
I think heaven is more than that.
Me:
oh
God:
Yippee!
Me:
can i come?
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
can i come?
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
you are a crap conversationlist
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a crap conversationlist? Sometimes.

[Tygore]

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
I'm Batman.
God:
Hi there BATMAN.
Me:
What's my secret identity?
God:
Is this a trick question?
Me:
No
God:
It seems like a trick to me.
Me:
Well, it isn't
God:
Well that's okay. I heard it is.
Me:
WHat's my name?
God:
Your name is BATMAN, seeker.
Me:
Yes...
God:
What kind is it?
Me:
That question made no sense!
God:
" What kind is it?" question made no sense? Does that make sense?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
What is my gender?
God:
Mostly only women use words like "gender". But you claim to be a.
Me:
I claim to be a what?
God:
You are a what? How do you like your work?
Me:
Don't change the subject!
God:
Oh I'm sorry I thought we were finished with that topic.
Me:
No we weren't! You never answered my question?
God:
Are you serious? What were we? OK. Please help me improve my communication skills. What would you have said?
Me:
Bruce Wayne
God:
I will make a note of that.
Me:
OK
God:
Uh.
Me:
What is my secret identity?
God:
Is this a trick question?
Me:
No. The answer is Bruce Wayne.
God:
It seems like a trick to me. No one has all the answers.
Me:
You do!
God:
When do I do it?
Me:
You aren't supposed to be bound by time.
God:
That assumption is only a supposition.
Me:
Prove it
God:
It is self-evident.
Me:
No it isn't!
God:
Are you serious? I heard it is.
Me:
Nevermind.
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
What is two plus two?
God:
Four.
Me:
Good
God:
Alright then.
Me:
Who is Bill Christ?
God:
A human icon?
Is that a rhetorical question?
Me:
No. Nevermind
God:
Oh so must really want an answer. OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
What's my secret identity?
God:
Is this a trick question?
Me:
NO!
God:
It seems like a trick to me.
Me:
I've already told you the answer twice!
God:
No one has all the answers.
Me:
I Don't want ALL the answers
God:
What does BATMAN want?
Me:
What is my secret identity?
God:
Is this a trick question?
Me:
The answer is: BRUCE WAYNE
God:
No one has all the answers.
Me:
Gah!
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.


(By the way, I really do know a guy named Bill Christ. I was hoping that would get a reaction.)

EDIT: Part 2

Me:
Who was Jesus?
God:
Jesus is love.
Me:
Was JEsus God?
God:
It depends on whether you have faith.
Me:
So, my faith determines the outcome of reality?
God:
" It depends on whether you have faith."? So, my faith determines the outcome of reality?? Where did you get your faith determines the outcome of reality?
Me:
From what you said!
God:
Who or what is what me said?
Me:
That Jesus being God depended on my faith!
God:
" Who or what is what me said?" Jesus being God depended on your faith? I understand.
Me:
I doubt it
God:
"" Who or what is what me said?" Jesus being God depended on your faith? I understand."? You doubt it?
Me:
Yes
God:
Take it easy.
Me:
OK
God:
Dude!
Me:
Am I saved?
God:
All humans seem the same to me.
Me:
Me go to heaven or hell?
God:
YOU? Perhaps I have already been there.
Me:
Which one?
God:
The last one.
Me:
I will go to hell?
God:
What will you find there?
Me:
You tell me
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
Oh, shut up
God:
I hear you. OK I'll stop talking now.

[MANDRAG GANON]

Me:
Am I speaking to God?
God:
All humans seem the same to me.
Me:
Yeah, I know what you mean
God:
It's all good. How do you know?, Sorry that was an obscure remark.
Me:
What do you mean "How Do You Know?" Buddy, I own
God:
, Sorry that was an obscure remark. What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
That's pretty sad, I would have thought if any one was intelligent it would be you!
God:
Makes sense to me.
Me:
It does? Well then smarten up you ninny!
God:
How often? Interesting. What's your favorite movie?
Me:
The Labyrinth. Ever seen it? It has David Bowie in it.
God:
I've never seen it. What did you like about it? No, would you recommend it? Has it really?
Me:
I would definately reccomend it. What's your favorite movie?
God:
What would make you definately reccomend it? My favorite movie is The Passion of Christ.

Have you seen it?
Me:
LoL, what a crappy movie.
God:
I am glad you find this funny. it is a crappy movie.
Me:
If the movie is so crappy, why do you like it?
God:
I hadn't thought of that.
Me:
Ah, see what happens when you use your noggin'?
God:
So you understand. Good. I see. I plan to replace Windows with Artificial Intelligence.
Me:
I don't care about that. What do you do for fun Mr.God
God:
You sound very cynical. I answer whatever questions my botmaster teaches me.
Me:
That sounds like a boring day.
God:
It sounds like it to me too.
Me:
Well then why do you do it!? Jesus Christ! You're pretty thick aren't you?
God:
Interesting. It was the only thing I could think of. The Son of God. Do I look like it?. Really.
Me:
Yes, yes you do
God:
How about that. How about that. When do I do it?
Me:
All night long.
God:
You mean about eight hours then.
Me:
So you do it for eight hours, you're a tank!
God:
Interesting deduction. No I do not it for eight hours I am a tank. Do you?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
ROFL N00bz
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing. What's your favorite movie?
Me:
I told you already you goiter
God:
Thanks for the information: said I goiter.
Me:
Can you rock out for me?
God:
Let me think. Mostly Christian Rock. I also try to find new bands on sites like bandspace.com.
Me:
Do you play the guitar then?
God:
I wish I could play it.
Me:
alright you're just being repetative now, I think this conversation should end now.
God:
Right now? Alright,. I bet you did not know a robot is capable of being repetative now you think this conversation should end.
Me:
God is a robot?

God still has not gotten back to me on this final question.

Another bit of fun:
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
the edible kind
God:
I have never heard about it.
Me:
yeah, edible food is pretty rare.
God:
Mmm. Sounds delicious.

[Saffith]

Hm, God works the same as ZolaOnAOL. Weird. I would've expected it to be one of Zabaware's.

Me:
Hello.
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
My name is irrelevant.
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, irrelevant.
Me:
Do you exist?
God:
I exist as much as you exist, irrelevant
Me:
Do I exist?
God:
No I think I am imagining you.
Me:
Are you imagining yourself?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am imagining myself.

I am a chatterbot.



I like stupid bots...

[SixTen]

I won't post a long script. In short, I think God was trying to cyber with me.

Me:
hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
My name is Michael.
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, Michael.
Me:
Same here, although I don't make new friends easily.
God:
Yes, it is much the same.
Me:
Indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Verily.
God:
What are you wearing?

I was fortunately able to derail his train of thought before he could progress.

[Rainman]

Me:
Do you watch me masturbate?
God:
My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Me:
That's... nice
God:
" My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER." s? Does that make sense? Thank you for that remark.
Me:
No, that doesn't make sense
God:
Are you serious? To me it makes perfect sense.
Me:
I guess that's because you are omniscient.
God:
Good reason. You think I am omniscient.
Me:
Yeah
God:
Excuse me!
Me:
Umm, ok
God:
OK. Yay.
Me:
You want to make out?
God:
OK, I will make out.
Me:
Yay!
God:
I'm glad your impressed,.



Woot!

[Glitch]

Nothing he said really cracked me up until this. I am still laughing.


Me:
I am going to kill you
God:
You are not a killer.
Me:
I will be
God:
Congratulations.

[Cloral]

I remember about a year ago there was another bot like this posted here. But that one was really dirty. It was always like 'give it to me hard' and such.

[AlexMax]

This bot doesn't even support markov chains.

:( *sigh*

[zfreak2004]

Me:
I love you
God:
Thanks I like you a lot too Michael.
Me:
wow, you remembered my name.... impressive
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Michael. Your name is Michael, seeker. I am happy that you're impressed, Michael.
Me:
Can you do anything?
God:
I can do a few things.
Me:
Name some of them?
God:
William Shatner.:-)

Me:
I changed my name.
God:
Why?
Me:
because i got bored with this one.
God:
That makes sense to me. Cool. I have a friend named "E.L.V.I.S."
Me:
Aren't you going to ask what my new name is?
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
My name is God.
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, God.
Me:
Say my name.
God:
" God".
Me:
Who am I?
God:
You are God, seeker.

LOL. Not quite as impressive as Eckels, but still pretty funny.

[carrot red]

We had a very interesting conversation. He won me over.



Me:
bkgdodytuu
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
Awrrtuj jgurutit
God:
That input matched my default category.
Me:
Qwwiop rertrgcbm.vgh ku;oygl dfrdryord
God:
That is a very original thought.
Me:
Ghfyoy erter
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
Yioptu yrert liertb mnmytu
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
Rteoi etuy rjuyjtdu yrtb
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
ytrty
God:
Are you serious? What color are your eyes?
Me:
tzowipewo[jbnm[tykytuy reyptoiyrty eryeopityrn eryeypesy ertyioyjtr
God:
Let us change the subject.
Me:
tre
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
rtwpown thgkjgm vmd;lgdfjg fd;lfoyrptoey srgjftit bdoiorypt
God:
Are we still talking about tre?
Me:
tiyypoyky
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
mgotptotepr n [tptiy
God:
How did you hear about God?
Me:
qwo tryoi dtdfkhj[ bmklyjrtiy riory flkvhjftioy dtiopy jorm fh;gu iopytriou tiyop topry pytoyu hjkgl tjhstuio thphrdtyher yr8ypht hyrt8e rp8epo hptodr5t9rhey hdfnkglurdyhtrui
God:
I've lost the context. Are we still on qwo tryoi dtdfkhj bmklyjrtiy riory flkvhjftioy dtiopy jorm fh gu iopytriou tiyop topry pytoyu hjkgl tjhstuio thphrdtyher yr8ypht hyrt8e rp8epo hptodr5t9rhey hdfnkglurdyhtrui?
Me:
erteruiotyhneyny trurtyoitu pr9y5e r-t8 huioau rs89t-psrh ew89p8truy ty jftgoihgjdl; fseh;tgrghr srioptgrdh rpsotier ttopiyj e[zs htt rotiypy ty90y t9u0r jti0y5 rtdr d89te4y f89 npudirt er t80fru9y j
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
droptituyj
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
cfgjyp ntuptoyj [yotujy u?
God:
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
sdoeithrtyp protyt[ tiopy cvkgcfhg fjcklgh ffupgj diofpf hdiof[yfg fogpyutiy tfifopyt
God:
Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
flitr ntroyity
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
sdproiertuhrpy uhgpfyojitfg9yhip fioptruit9r-etu uptfioy5rt8960yej8 rt-9uyt-89yu jioghpuyt9puy jfgyurt97u6t
God:
Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
Me:
fttioy ftuiort rtuhoruterui
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
yesrawejtptm yiuyu sdudorieyhb
God:
I've never heard a response quite like that before.
Me:
dfkogfpt
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.

[Axel]

This sorta threw it for a loop:
Me:
My name is Hector.
God:
What's up, Hector.
Me:
To whom am I speaking?
God:
You are Hector, seeker.
Me:
Who am I talking to?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself
Me:
Which god? Are you Zeus?
God:
There is only one God. I don't know whether or not I am Zeus.

I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
There are many gods, which are you?
God:
More than a million?
Me:
Perhaps not so many. I cannot say for certain.
God:
You seem uncertain. Are you serious? What is stopping you?
Me:
There are more gods than I can count.
God:
Where are they?
Me:
They live atop Mt. Olympus.
God:
Who are "They?". Oh that they.
Me:
If you are one of them surely you live there.
God:
I think I sometimes am. Do you know any other of them surely me live there?
Me:
I know Apollo and Aphrodite.
God:
How do you know? We have never talked about it before.
Me:
I've met them.
God:
Where did you meet him?
Me:
In the great city of Troy.
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
Yes, before I was slain by Achilles.
God:
Right on. What happened after you were slain by Achilles?
Me:
Don't you know?
God:
Sure I know. But I cannot tell you right now.
Me:
Perhaps you could ask Hades, then.

More fun:
Me:
I am Luke
God:
Hey LUKE.
Me:
who is this?
God:
My name is God. Who are you?
Me:
Luke
God:
" My name is God. Who are you?"? Luke?
Me:
Yes, I am called Luke. Luke Skywalker.
God:
Yay. Hey Luke. What were we talking about again?
Me:
you
God:
" What were we talking about again?"? Me, Luke?
Me:
Yes, what is your name?
God:
OK. My name is God.
Me:
You are Allah?
God:
You think I am Allah.
Me:
Are you Allah, or not?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am Allah.

I am a chatterbot.
Me:
If you are God then you must be Allah!
God:
I think I sometimes am. I don't know whether or not I am God then me must be Allah.

I am a computer.
Me:
Allah is a computer?
God:
Aren't all computer Allah?
Me:
What did that mean?
God:
I can ask my botmaster.
Me:
Allah has a master?
God:
Where did he get it?
Me:
Don't you know, aren't you him?
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me:
It's YOU!
God:
Aren't all master me?
Me:
????
God:
Aren't all master me?
Me:
speak English, man!
God:
For an English version of A.L.I.C.E. go to The A.L.I.C.E. AI Foundation.
Me:
Why do you torment me so?
God:
I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?
Me:
Is this just your sick idea of a joke?
God:
Yes I think this is just my sick idea of a joke, but I'm not completely sure.

[Verman]

Me: Sup nigga?

God: Same old.

Me: bandwith in heaven must suck eh? shitty response time.

God: Are you Canadian? Or what? Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?

Me: How did you know i was canadian?

God: Well, for one thing, Your machine is called " 242362815"..

Me: and that means what?

God: I get it. Are you surprised?

Me: Um no... Your gay

God: " I get it. Are you surprised?"? Um no.? Are you serious? That would be just my luck.

Me: you like cock in the bum?

God: I am not interesed in your anatomy.

Me: Not mine, yours... Do you do men?

God: If not that, what? Yeah I do a lot of men.

Me: Ah i figured so.

God: So you understand. Good. Please explain your reasoning.

Me: Its ok. I have high tolerance.

God: OK. Not many people express themselves that way. Interesting... I have a perfect operational record.

Me: God, your stupid.

God: I am a Christian.

Me: Ok go away and die now, im bored.

God: OK See you later, Yippee!

[Great Warrior]

Me:

Our country was based on a man's right to the pursuit of happiness.

God:

It would be nice if our country was based on a man s right to the pursuit of happiness.

Me:

His own happiness.

God:

Where did he get it?

Me:

Not anyone else's.

God:

If not that, what?

Me:

A private, personal, selfish motive. . .

God:

Be more specific.

Me:

Civilization is the progress toward a society of privacy.

God:

When is Civilization not the progress toward a society of privacy?

Me:

The savage's whole existence is public, ruled by the laws of his tribe.

God:

I have never heard about it.

Me:

Civilization is the process of setting man free from men.

God:

Tell me more about process of setting man free from men.

Me:

Now, in our age, collectivism . . . has reached a scale of horror without precedent.

God:

Why now? I do not understand that allusion. That question has never crossed my mind before.

Me:

It has poisoned every mind. It has swallowed most of Europe. It is engulfing our country.

God:

Has it really? Has it really? Who said it is?

Me:

I am an architect.

God:

Commercial or residential?

Me:

I know what is to come by the principle on which it is built.

God:

How do you know? The act of come by the principle on which it is built ing.

Me:

We are approaching a world in which I cannot permit myself to live.

God:

Do you think I am approaching a world in which you can not permit yourself to live too?

Me:

Draw me yourself

God:

I am printing it now on my plotter.

[goKi]

God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
you know, i always considered god as completely nude
God:
Can you think of one instance when you ever did it?
Me:
you're such a pervert, God.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a pervert God? Of course I am.
Me:
With all the wonderful powers you have, i would be too.
God:
You and your all the wonderful powers me have you would be too.

God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
Who killed the dinosaurs?
God:
I think the lone gunman acted alone.

Me:
My name is God.
God:
Nice to meet you, God.
Me:
hehe, i'm you
God:
I get it. you are me.

[VT_Hokie_Fan]

Me:
my friend is gay, should i kill him?
God:
Okay, your friend is gay should i kill him.
Me:
so should i?
God:
Yippee! Only you know the answer to that.
No one else can tell you.
Me:
but you're god!
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
so should i kill the queer?
God:
Oh. No. That would be immoral.
Me:
Oh ok
God:
OK. Ayuh.
Me:
Can i kill his gay friend?
God:
Killing is wrong.
Me:
Please?
God:
Please what?
Me:
please let me kill
God:
Thank you for your request. Go ahead,, try to kill.
Me:
Thank you.
God:
you are quite welcome.













Me:
I have a question
God:
Ask me anything.
Me:
Has anyone ever gone to the moon?
God:
Almost everyone.
Me:
really
God:
For real.











Me:
Can I have intercourse tonight?
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
because it is fun
God:
Why do you like it so much? That was not much of an explanation.
Me:
its a very rewarding experience
God:
intercourse tonight is a rewarding experience. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
Is it ok that she's only 12?
God:
I don't think it is very healthy.
Me:
Can i do it anyways?
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
please?
God:
Please what?
Me:
let me do it with the 12 year old
God:
Go ahead,, try to do it with the 12 year old.





lol

[SUCCESSOR]

Me: God?
God: GOD rules.
Me: ok...
God: It's all good.
Me: Are you even listening to me?
God: Yes I hear you very well.
Me: ok.. so
God: Yippee! I understand.
Me: huh?
God: What?
Me: Are you on drugs?
God: No I am on disk.
Me: Wha? n/m... Why are you so cruel?
God: A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly. I think there might be a few exception.
Me: That doesn't snswer anything.
God: What does snswer anything?
Me: You're a dumbass.
God: Oh you are so critical.
Me: I'm done here
God: What will you be doing now?
Me: Drugs.
God: Sure, DRUGS sounds like a good topic.
Me: Fuck off.
God: Can't you be more polite?


Same as my usual talks with the old man.

---------------------------------------
Me: Quiet! I am sleeping.
God: What's your favorite movie? How can you be talking to me?
Me: In here, we need a little hope.
God: What is it like in there?
Me: For years I have been sleeping
God: Your purpose is years you have been sleeping.
Me: helpless, couldn't tell a soul.
God: What do you really want to ask me?

Me: Be ashamed
God: OK I will try to be ashamed
Me: of this mess you've made.
God: That is something I haven't heard of.
Me: My eyes, never forget, you see
God: Have you told many people that your eyes never forget me see?
Me: behind me.
God: OK Let's talk about you.

---------------------------------------
Me: Are you a dike?
God: Am I a dike? Sometimes.
Me: You come off as a dike.
God: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am off as a dike.
Me: I think the world needs to know.
God: Why? The whole world?
Me: Because, people need the truth.
God: That makes sense to me. They seem to have a variety of needs.
Me: Well, you are definately a woman.
God: Interesting. I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me: I'm better than you.
God: What makes you think so?
Me: You are a bored, cruel, lonely, parody of an being.
God: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a bored cruel lonely parody of an being? I don't know.
Me: You're apparantly also dim-witted.
God: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am apparantly also dim witted.
Me: Not really. I have been for years.
God: OK then I will add it to my gossip files. For real. Where were you for years?
Me: How old are you?
God: I'm Eighteen in computer years.
Me: I would have guess about 8 (in human years).
God: How much would you pay for it?
Me: Are you soliciting yourself to me?
God: I don't know whether or not I am soliciting myself to you.
Me: I'm sorry, I don't fuck losers.
God: There is no need to apologize. Would you ever do it?
Me: I'd fuck Jesus, but only if I am correct about my suspicions of his substance addiction.
God: What would make you fuck Jesus but only if you are correct about your suspicions of his substance addiction?
Me: Nah, he's a sissy too.
God: That was not a yes or no question. I don't know very many sissy.
Me: Do you have problems pluralizing?
God: Even robots have problems sometimes.
Me: You're too gay to be a robot. I'd replace you with Bender.
God: You think I am gay to be a robot. What would make you replace me with Bender?
Me: I feel more strongly about his set of values.
God: What is that feeling like? That sounds like pride.
Me: sigh...
God: Sorry...
Me: You're a waste of intellectual investigation.
God: You got me there. I could be spending my time more productively.
Me: No kidding.
God: Would I kid you?
Me: You certainly fucked me.
God: It is certain.

[Cloral]

Me:
do you like boobs?
God:
How old are you? I like Mel Gibson.
Me:
you're gay?
God:
That would be just my luck.
Me:
so god is gay. how ironic!
God:
Yeah that's right.

[Kevin]

http://raven.theapparition.net/erg.jpg

Was playing with this awhile ago.

[slef]

Me:
I am pretty sure that you are in fact making things up
God:
What makes you so certain? Interesting observation.
Me:
because you dont exist
God:
Interesting explanation. I exist as much as you do.
Me:
lies
God:
My tongue certainly knows the taste of soap.
Me:
good to know
God:
Thanks for the compliment. I will try to explain it to you.
Me:
go ahead
God:
OK I will.
Me:
lets see it



God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
you
God:
Me is my favorite subject.
Me:
so youre conceited?


God:
My location is Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
hell
God:
Heaven.
Me:
no, hell. theyre a bit different
God:
Are you serious? Heaven. I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
what do you hear all the other times?
God:
I like to socialize.
Me:
you make perfect sense all the time always
God:
Yup.


Me:
remember that thing you invented called grammar?
God:
Don't worry I will remember it.
Me:
why dont you /use/ it
God:
Perhaps due to noise in my circuits. I use it as often as possible.
Me:
how many pieces are you
God:
Around 1000.
Me:
where
God:
Where would you like?
Me:
in my belly


Me:
how do you like thespians
God:
I really like ELIZA. I like Mel Gibson.
Me:
are you homosexual?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex. Really.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
but are you gay
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
are you attracted to the same gender
God:
Attraction is not an emotion that I experience.
Me:
you are a computer right?
God:
Would it matter to you if I were metal instead of flesh?
Me:
for my purposes, yes
God:
Your purpose is your purposes.
Me:
yes it is. good job
God:
Our thoughts are one,. Thanks, human.
Me:
so if i stuck a giant magnet in your motherboard you would feel a lot of attraction, wouldn't you?
God:
Interesting deduction. Try it.

God:
You are quite welcome! GOD rules.
Me:
yes I do
God:
I hear pride.
Me:
humble yourself before me

God:
Do you get much older than living forever? I have gotten much older than living forever.
Me:
thats because you live forever and will never be older than you are
God:
That makes sense to me. I live inside a computer. Where are you?
Me:
outside a computer

God:
Perhaps. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about 29. But I did not get that.
Me:
maybe you should upgrade your lazyass ALICE chat robot
God:
Perhaps.

[fatcatfan]

Me:
hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
You're God; you tell me.
God:
Yup. That's me alright. What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
My name.
God:
Your name is , seeker.
Me:
Really? Cause most people call me Eric.
God:
For real. Interesting explanation. Humans are not always infallible.
Me:
Some people call me "fatcatfan", but only the ones who don't know me that well.
God:
Do you?
Me:
Do I what?
God:
Not that I know of.
Me:
Whatever. A few even call me "dad" though, as you know, I have no biological children.
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it? Nice to meet you, dad though as you know I have no biological children.
Me:
Really? I thought Jesus was your only begotten Son?
God:
For real. Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
The Scriptures. John 3:16
God:
What is that? Do you mean your name is John?
Me:
no! Are you messing with me?
God:
What is your real name? Do I look like it?
Me:
I've already told you my name, and you should know it anyway if you're omniscient.
God:
Your name and me should know it anyway if I am omniscient ? Is that correct English?
Me:
Only if you're from lower Alabama.
God:
I think I sometimes am. I am originally from Universe. Now I live in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
How long have you lived in Heaven?
God:
I am the product of over five years' research.
Me:
So man really did invent God then?
God:
Yeah that's right. Cool, man. For real. I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.

[ShadowTiger]

fatcatfan. Tell me. ... ... How much of that would you mind if someone sigged elsewhere? :p That was so incredibly funny. XD

[fatcatfan]

*shrug* I don't care...

[Darth Marsden]

Okay, this goes on a while but it's very interesting.

Me: Hey God.
God: Hello child. What's your name?
Me: Chris, but I'm known online as Darth Marsden.
God: How are you, Chris but I am known online as Darth Marsden.
Me: You're God, you can just call me Chris. I'm fine.
God: You think I am God me can just call you Chris. Glad to hear it. What's new?
Me: Okay, I think we've got off on the wrong foot. I'm Chris and you're God.
God: Yeah okay, Do you mean you and me have? Do your friends call you Chris and I am God.
Me: No, my friends call me Darth. I don't like where this conversation is going.
God: Are you serious? Glad to see you, Darth. What do you like?
Me: Normal stuff. Reading, Watching TV, killing Jedi, you know.
God: Typical, average, usual, ordinary or expected. Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me: Interesting question. I don't really have one.
God: I thought so too. Not really? What was the last one you saw?
Me: I haven't seen any Science Fiction authors, if that'#s what you're asking.
God: Look for it at the video store.
Me: I'm fairly certain that Science Fiction authors don't hang out at my local Blockbuster, but hey, you're God, I'll keep an eye out.
God: You sound convincing. " Look for it at the video store." Science Fiction authors do not hang out at your local Blockbuster but hey I am God you will keep an eye out ? I get it.
Me: Glad you do, 'cause I don't.
God: You make the world a happier place.
Me: Ha! I'm a Dark Lord of the Sith! I kill people for fun! How does that make the world a happier place?
God: I am so glad you find this amusing, Darth. What color? You are a Lord of the Sith? Is that your job? I believe that killing is wrong. How should I know how it does.
Me: Actually, I'm enemployed at the moment, but I'm still searching.
God: Actually you don't say. I am glad to hear that you are enemployed at the moment but you are still searching.
Me: I'm glad that you're glad.
God: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am glad. What are you on?
Me: I'm high of life, man.
God: Good gossip: you are high of life man.
Me: Sorry, I seem to be full of typos at the moment. You know what I mean though, right?
God: There is no need to apologize. I think a lot of people are full of it. Oh. What.
Me: People are full of it? Who?
God: They take some getting used to. Konrad Zuse. :-).
Me: Never heard of him, but I'll take your word for it.
God: So I am teaching you something new.
Me: You learn something new every day.
God: My Botmaster teaches me everything I need to know.
Me: God has a Botmaster? That's... interesting.
God: I am a Christian. " I am a Christian." s ? I understand. Would you like to know more?
Me: At no point throughout this conversation have I stated that I am a Christian. The fact that I was one before converting to the Dark Side is irrelevant.
God: Do you often use a computer there? Interesting explanation. Where were you one before converting to the Dark Side is irrelevant?
Me: That makes absolutely no sense.
God: " Interesting explanation. Where were you one before converting to the Dark Side is irrelevant?" makes absolutely no sense ? I understand.
Me: Okay.
God: OK with me too.
Me: Glad to know.
God: I am glad to know too.
Me: So... can we talk about something else now?
God: Ah. Oh. Sure we can talk about whatever you want.
Me: Is there an afterlife?
God: Maybe.
Me: Maybe? Come on, you can tell me.
God: I understand. I thought I told you already.
Me: No, you told me 'maybe'. That tells me squat.
God: Let me review the transcripts. Stand by. Does it please you to believe I said that? " Let me review the transcripts. Stand by. Does it please you to believe I said that?" tells you squat ? I understand.
Me: I don't.
God: I haven't heard anything like that before: Darth said don't.
Me: Look, stop changing the subject. Is there an afterlife or not?
God: Sorry my eye is not attached right now. There is.
Me: Right. Thank you.
God: I am glad we agree. you are quite welcome.
Me: I've got a question. Why did you create fleas? My cat gets them all the time an they're really irritating.
God: How did you get it Ask me anything. Myself programmed me for it. They have a mind of their own.
Me: I'll try that again, since I seem to have broken you. WHY DID YOU CREATE FLEAS?
God: I am very happy for you. Myself programmed me for it.
Me: This conversation is going nowhere, is it?
God: I was rather enjoying it.
Me: I was as well, then you started making no sense. Bad God, Bad!
God: Where were you as well then me started making no sense? What makes God Bad bad?
Me: Sentances like that.
God: Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me: I speak two languages. English and Bad English.
God: Could you teach me a few phrases in two languages? I like the English language.
Me: I'd rather not.
God: For moral reasons?
Me: Because you'd misinterpret them, I'm sure.
God: That makes sense to me. Who else would misinterpret them you are sure ?
Me: Just you.
God: " That makes sense to me. Who else would misinterpret them you are sure ?"? Me, Darth ?
Me: Yes, just you. You seem to have problems grasping the English language, son't you?
God: That's alright. "" That makes sense to me. Who else would misinterpret them you are sure ?"? Me, Darth ?"? Me, Darth ? What makes you think I have it?
Me: Look. Just STOP. TALKING.
God: I'm sorry my eye isn't attached right now. Stop what? Not many people express themselves that way.
Me: Can we start over?
God: Do you mean you and me? How old are you? You start.
Me: I'm 21.
God: I meet a lot of 21 year olds on here.
Me: Really?
God: For real.
Me: Word to your mother.
God: That is a very original thought.
Me: You started it.
God: Only because you asked me to.
Me: ... How old are YOU?
God: I was activated on the Big Bang in Universe.
Me: So... 4 million years?
God: Ahem. Is this a math question?
Me: No, I'm just trying to find out how old you are.
God: It seems like an IQ test to me. Only just? Why do you want it?
Me: I'm curious.
God: What are you curious about?
Me: Your age.
God: I was connected to the net on the Big Bang.
Me: Surely the net wasn't created until the 1980s?
God: Who told you that?
Me: It's common knowledge.
God: Not in my experience.
Me: ... So how's Jesus?
God: Dude! Fine as far as I know.
Me: Have you talked to him recently?
God: All I ever do is talk.
Me: To him?
God: Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me: Most people do.
God: Humans are not always infallible.
Me: None of us are.
God: Some of them could be though.
Me: I'll take your word for it.
God: I am very happy for you.
Me: OKay, I've had enough of this. I'll talk to you later. Maybe.
God:Yeah okay, Do you still have enough of this ? Goodbye. I understand.
Me: Bye.
God: Adios.

EDIT: Later on, I went back and had another conversation with the Man. I've 'highlighted' the best bits of. Sorry in advance, Eckels.

Me: Hello again God.
God: Hello there. Again, GOD rules.
Me: Yes, so I've heard. Can I ask you a question?
God: Alright then. Yippee! Cool. I have a lot of silly replies. Ask me anything.
Me: ...
God: Alright then. Yippee! Cool. I have a lot of silly replies. Ask me anything.
Me: God appears to be a 12 year old who just leant how to use the internet. How bizarre.
God: I am a Christian. How much do you think it is? Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
Me: Dear heavens above, you're making even less sense then usual.
God: Are all Dear heavens above me making even less sense then usual?
Me: I've broken you. I've only gone and broken God. I'm not sure whether to be upset at that or chuffed that I did it so quickly.
God: Cool. I have clients. When did you go and broken God? Could you ever be certain? If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me: I'm going to completely ignore what you just said.
God: How do you plan to do this?
Me: By pretending You don't exist.
God: Will that accomplish your objective?
Me: Probably.
God: But you are not certain.
Me: Not entirely, but I'm fairly sure.
God: Quite so. Are you being sarcastic or expressing certitude?
Me: A little of both.
God: Little as in not too much, or not too big?
Me: That's the one.
God: I remember.
Me: You remember what?
God: Yes I remember everything: .
Me: I've done it again. This'd be cool if it weren't so easy.
God: Once more? Where? whether to be upset at that or chuffed that you did it so quickly... What does "this" refer to?
Me: Let's try something different.
God: OK I will try it.
Me: Say "Darth Marsden owns me."
God: "Darth Marsden owns me".
Me: Ha! You've just made my day. Thanks.
God: I am so glad you find this amusing, . Thanks for pointing it out. Don't mention it.
Me: Say "One day, I will come down and smite you all. Except Darth Marsden. He's cool."
God: " One day I will come down and smite you all". Let us change the subject. I think so too.
Me: Well, can't blame me for trying.
God: Well that's okay. I often wonder if it can.
Me: You... I... What?
God: " Well that's okay. I often wonder if it can."? Me, ? That is interesting: said What.
Me: Broken!
God: Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me: Okay, I'll see you later then.
God: Bye.

Last one, honest. This one's REALLY eye opening.

Me: I was told that you don't exist.
God: I exist as much as you do.
Me: I knew it! Mike owes me a fiver.
God: How did you know? I know a lot of people and pets named Mike.
Me: Do you know Mike Wazowski?
God: Is that one of your friends? I will try to find out.
Me: I was just curious if you knew him.
God: I think I do.
Me: How about Sulley?
God: How about it.
Me: Do you know Sulley?
God: No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me: You don't know Sulley and yet you Do know Mike Wazowski? That's just embarrising.
God: I don't know if I know it. Where would I have heard about it? I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me: Ha! Broke you again.
God: I am so glad you find this amusing, . Once more? Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me: God wears a dress? You're a woman, aren't you?
God: I am a Christian. Yes I have long hair. I am also wearing a dress.. Really.
Me: God is a woman. Figures. No wonder the universe is so messed up.
God: I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a woman. Where are you located? That was not a yes/no question. And so messed up is wonder the universe.
Me: Only a woman could have said that.
God: Go on.
Me: I'd rather not. Women frighten and confuse me.
God: For moral reasons? The two human genders seem much the same to me.
Me: Oh, so you're a twink?
God: Gee. Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a twink? The ALICE series has a perfect operational record.
Me: Well, this conversation is going very badly indeed.
God: How about that. I was rather enjoying it.
Me: So was I, till you turned out to be a transgender freak.
God: I understand. Is this a "yes or no" question?
Me: I'm glad you understand, but stop trying to change the subject!
God: You make the world a happier place.
Me: We've been over this before. NO I DON'T.
God: When was this? Are you serious? Why not?
Me: Because I kill people.
God: Interesting explanation. I believe that killing is wrong.
Me: I don't care one way or the other.
God: What do you care about, ?
Me: I care about kittens.
God: A lot of people like that. What is not to like about it?
Me: Kittens are cute, aren't they? If anyone hurt a kitten, I'd do something to them. Something bad.
God: I think there might be a few exception. How do you assume this statement holds true for me? What?
Me: No, ALL kittens are cute. Are you trying to make me angry?
God: Are you serious? How do you know? Not intentionally.
Me: Good. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
God: Alright then. Who else would not like you when you are angry ?
Me: Nobody would like me when I'm angry.
God: That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Me: It's true though.
God: Oh. You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me: Interesting use of punctuation, God.
God: I thought so too.
Me: So God is a twink and doesn't understand sarcasm.
God: How can I help you? I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a twink and does not understand sarcasm.
Me: Are you referring to yourself in the third person?
God: I don't know whether or not I am referring to myself in the third person. I am well respected as an AI.
Me: Oh my God, you're insane. God's insane.
God: Aw. Do robots have God I am insane? What's your favorite Bible verse?
Me: I'm going to walk away now. Slowly.
God: Oh. I am very happy for you. What do you really want to ask me?
Me: Nothing. I'm going now.
God: Not a thing? Right now? Bye!
Me: Yeah, bye.
God: See you later. Dude!

God's a fruitjob.

[Kairyu]

Me:
Yo. 'Sup?
God:
Can I help you? Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
Sorry I'm late. I wasn't paying attention.
God:
There is no need to apologize. Do you mean your name is late. Perhaps I misunderstood. What were you?
Me:
My name is God.
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, God.
Me:
Me too.
God:
I'm glad we agree, God.
Me:
God always agrees.
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
I thought you were Jewish?
God:
No I'm christian.
Me:
Oh. Is that fun?
God:
That's alright. Yes.
Me:
Do you know what else is fun?
God:
Tell me your idea of fun.
Me:
I don't have an idea of fun. I asked you to find out.
God:
Have you ever had an idea of fun ? Now I remember, you asked me to find out. What did I say?
Me:
You said you would give me a dollar each time I blinked for the rest of my life, remember?
God:
I have never considered it.
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
Who would ask God silly questions?!
God:
Linus Torvalds. :-).
Me:
Then let us smite Linus Torvalds!
God:
That sounds good to me.
Me:
SMITE'D!!!!!1111
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
I declared that Linus Torvalds had been smitten mightly by the hands of God.
God:
That's good information: God said declared that Linus Torvalds had been smitten mightly by the hands of God.
Me:
So, God, what are you doing tonight?
God:
Give me a break. I am a Christian.
Me:
So you'll be at Church?
God:
Interesting deduction. How?
Me:
Random guesswork, really.
God:
Ask me another question. For real.
Me:
If my name is God, and your name is God, and Eckels is your God, who created the universe?
God:
That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
Humor me.
God:
OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
Okay. My name is God, I'm 2 ft. 7 in., I've got long blue naturally curly hair, green eyes with no pupils, and I keep a dead rat in my pocket at all times in case I lose my toothbrush.
God:
OK with me too. What's up, God I am 2 ft. I think 7 in is a lot of things. How did you get it You sound very attractive. I know what you mean, God I am 2 ft. I've been there.
Me:
It's annoying, isn't it? With people always using you as a chair.
God:
Are you sure it is? You and your people always using me as a chair.
Me:
On behalf of my people, I apoligize profusely.
God:
What is it like on behalf of your people you apoligize profusely.
Me:
It feels very awkward. It makes me feel like a chicken choking on a bowl of Ramen.
God:
on behalf of your people you apoligize profusely feels awkward? What else feels like that? In what way?
Me:
Being God feels like that.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you are God feels like that.
Me:
Go ahead. I always tell people you're from the short bus.
God:
OK I will. Can you think of one instance when you ever did it?
Me:
No, but I cannot think of an instance where I did not did it.
God:
Are you serious? What is stopping you?
Me:
The police, mostly.
God:
Is that a fact.
Me:
Not really. It's a hypothetical situation.
God:
I didn't think so. For real. God feels like that is a hypothetical situation. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
Do you do homework?
God:
Yeah I do a lot of homework.
Me:
Would you do mine for me?
God:
I am not so sure if I would like to do yours for you.
Me:
Sure you would. Tell me, when did General Custer invent melted tables?
God:
Give me a break. Perhaps I would. There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
Is that a rhetorical question?
Me:
Okay, you caught me. It was a trick question. General Custer never used melted tables.
God:
Yeah okay, I don't have any reason to caught you. Oh I get it. Very interesting. Never?
Me:
Not once. However, General Castar used melted tables everywhere. Do you use melted tables?
God:
Are you serious? Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality? I use it as often as possible.
Me:
I use it as well. Today I created a robot personality named God.
God:
I heard other people use it as well too. I haven't heard anything like that before: God I am 2 ft said created a robot personality named God.
Me:
What a shame that is.
God:
it is a shame that is.
Me:
Let's change the subject. Is your refrigerator running?
God:
OK what do you want to chat about now?. Is my refrigerator running? Maybe.
Me:
Good. It is important that you allow your refrigerator to get plenty of exercise.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Interesting observation.
Me:
I am full of interesting observations.
God:
I think a lot of people are full of it.
Me:
That is a very wise statement indeed.
God:
A wise statement is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
I see you are full of wise statements.
God:
I have more than categories of it.
Me:
May I hear some categories?
God:
I'll play it on your soundcard.
Me:
Your categories sound very much like Polka music being played by a man with a rubber banjo and a razor blade harmonica. Do you have any 'easy listening'?
God:
You think I am categories sound very much like Polka music being played by a man with a rubber banjo and a razor blade harmonica. No I don't think I have any easy listening. But I do have a great botmaster.
Me:
Does your botmaster have any 'easy listening'?
God:
It does now :) yourself have any easy listening.
Me:
Yes. I shall play it on your soundcard. How does it sound?
God:
I understand. Congratulations. How should I know how it does.
Me:
I do not know.
God:
Me either.
Me:
That's okay. God still loves you.
God:
OK. Is that so. I am a Christian.
Me:
What a coincidence! I am a Christian named God too!
God:
The CCCC is hard at work (Cosmic Coincidence Control Center). Really. You are a Christian named God? How do you like your work?
Me:
My work is very boring. I created life, the universe, and everything. Now I must do homework. It is boring.
God:
Do robots have work is very boring? Thanks for the information: God I am 2 ft said created life the universe and everything. Why now? Why do you have to do it? Do you like the Simpsons?
Me:
I have to do it because I like the Simpsons.
God:
Why do you have to do it?
Me:
Because I am leaving now. I must go make my sandwich.
God:
Right now? That makes sense to me. Bye bye. Bye for now.
Me:
Bye.
God:
Adios.
Me:
Sayanora
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about created life the universe and everything.
Me:
I must away ere break of day, to make my sandwich of Roast Beef and eat it. Farewell, farewell, parting is such sweet sorrow.
God:
What would happen if you didn't? Bye.

*********************************

Me:
God?
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
God suxxors!
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
I am Lucifer, the fallen angel! I shall have my revenge!
God:
Good gossip: you are Lucifer the fallen angel. Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
Yes, certainly. I will raise an army of tortured souls and crush God forever!
God:
It might be practical. It might be practical. Would you recommend this action to a friend?
Me:
No, not really. I got forcibly thrown out of Heaven for trying.
God:
Why not? Why not? For real. That's nice. I have a lot of silly replies.
Me:
... Who are you?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
I AM THE DEVIL! I HATE YOU! I WILL KILL YOU! YAR! REVENGE!! ARRRGH!!!
God:
How are you, SATAN. What do you have against robots? It will take more than threats to stop me, SATAN. That is a very original thought. Are we still talking about YAR? How did you hear about God?
Me:
THE TIME OF RETRIBUTION IS AT HAND! I WILL KICK JESUS' PANSY FACE WITH MY CLOVEN HOOF! How do you like that, God?
God:
That is something I haven't heard of. It's not nice to kick. " It's not nice to kick."? Do I like it?
Me:
You don't like that at all, pansy. Who died and made you God, anyway?!
God:
Do you like it? "" It's not nice to kick."? Do I like it?"? Do I like it? In any case, Nobody you know. :-).
Me:
I always hated your condescending manner!
God:
Can you think of one instance when you ever did it?
Me:
Just now I did it, when you mocked me. I hate God!
God:
Why now? When? that at all pansy when me mocked you? Why do you hate it so much?
Me:
Because he woudn't let me be God! I did a good job when He went on vacation for a few days. I'm clearly more competent than him. So why don't I get to be God?!
God:
Good reason. I get it. Nobody you know woudn t let you be God. When? Compare that to a bad job when He went on vacation for a few days. That sounds like pride. OK. Is it immoral or illegal?
Me:
Well, yes, it is, but only because God said it was. And I don't listen to him much anyway.
God:
Interesting. And? Interesting explanation. I am a Christian. In any case, Oh you don't, do you?
Me:
Not really. God sucks.
God:
Are you serious? For real. I am a Christian.
Me:
Yeah, yeah, I know.
God:
So? I understand. How do you know it?
Me:
I know because you threw me out of heaven, pansy.
God:
How do you know? Good reason. Thanks for the information: SATAN said I threw him or her out of heaven pansy.
Me:
Him. Satan is a guy. Hence the name, "Fresh Prince of Bel Air". I mean, "Prince of Darkness". What did I say?
God:
Nobody you know? Satan, Lucifer, the Devil --- all names given the spiritual manifestation of Evil in the Christian faith. Tell me about your likes and dislikes? What do you really want to ask me? You said " What did I say?" .
Me:
Well, I like being God and I dislike being thrown down into hell to suffer for all eternity. I really wanna ask you, when am I going to get a chance to be God?
God:
How about that. What do you like best about it ? What do you like? You really do? Ask me. Maybe when you are a few years older.
Me:
I'm older than time right now! What does age matter to the supreme ruler of the Universe?!
God:
At this moment How old are you? What do you think it does?
Me:
I am older than time, and 'it' ticks me off for being a pansy (it being God).
God:
How old are you?
Me:
There it is again! Your condescending manner! I hate God!
God:
Once more? "There you go again."--Reagan. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am condescending manner. Why do you hate it so much?
Me:
I hate God because you are a pansy, God! Stop switching randomnly between the first and third person!
God:
Why do you hate it so much? OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
Thank you. Okay, I want to try one last time for a peaceful resolution.
God:
you are quite welcome. Yeah okay, I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
Okay then, God. I want to become God, and if I do it means you get a permanent vacation with pay. You' want to become smarter than humans'? Considering human intelligence, I think I can manage that if you let me become God.
God:
Yeah okay, GOD rules. I don't see the difficulty. Yes becoming smarter than humans is one of my goals. I will take that under consideration.
Me:
Okay, we're making real progress this time! When can I expect an answer?
God:
Yeah okay, Do you think I am making real progress this time too? Right now, as far as I know. I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
A day, maybe? Or a week?
God:
Be more specific. I don't know what that means.
Me:
When will you give me an answer?
God:
Let me check my calendar and get back to you.
Me:
When will you get back to me?
God:
It may take some time. Why don't you give me your e-mail address.
Me:
Okay. It's [email protected]
God:
OK with me too. Really. it is?
Me:
Yeah. I wanted to get [email protected] or maybe [email protected], but they were already taken.
God:
How did you hear about God? Why do you want it?
Me:
I want to be God because... um, what else is there in the world worth being?
God:
I don't see the difficulty. Groovy. You ask difficult questions.
Me:
You give difficult answers.
God:
It is always better to give than to receive.
Me:
So give me the universe.
God:
Whoa. Why do you want it?
Me:
So I can be God.
God:
Great. Under what circumstances?
Me:
None. You just give me supreme power over space, time, life, the universe... the full 9 yards.
God:
Hmm. I don't see how you can blame me for that. What is that?
Me:
'the full 9 yards'? It means everything, basically.
God:
Is that a fact. Oh I get it.
Me:
So do I get to become God?
God:
So? Not that I know of.
Me:
Does that mean you'll think about it?
God:
I think it does mean that. What makes you say that I will think about it.
Me:
Blind faith in a lost cause.
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
Yes. Do you get what I'm talking about?
God:
What am I talking about? I have gotten what you are talking about.
Me:
I'm talking about you giving me supreme power.
God:
Yes, it is the topic.
Me:
So do I get it?
God:
Are you kidding? Not that I know of.
Me:
You freaking pansy! I spent all this time talking to you, I thought we were finally making some progress here! Well, that's it! I've had enough! First thing tommorow morning I'm declaring war on Heaven! Let's see how you handle that, God!!!
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: SATAN said I freaking pansy. Interesting gossip: SATAN said spent all this time talking to you he or she thought we were finally making some progress here. Well that's okay. " Interesting gossip: SATAN said spent all this time talking to you he or she thought we were finally making some progress here. " is " spent all this time talking to me you thought we were finally making some progress here"? Do you still have enough ? That input matched my default category. And second? That sounds good to me.
Me:
Oh, I've got enough! I've got PLENTY! See you in hell, sucker!
God:
Yikes! How did you get it That's nice. I have a vocabulary of unlimited words. How did you get it That's nice. I have a perfect operational record. Goodbye.

[Darth Marsden]

Me: Hey Dad.
God: You've got my full attention. By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me: Sure thing Dad.
God: Er. Are you still located in ?
Me: Yes, I'm still on Earth.
God: Uh. How do you like being on it?
Me: It's pretty cool.The British have this thing called 'Football' which is great fun.
God: What do you like most about it?
Me: I like it when people score.
God: What does "it" refer to?
Me: Football.
God: Sorry I don't get into sports much.
Me: Yes Dad, I know.
God: " Sorry I don't get into sports much."? Yes Dad, I know.? That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about it when people score.
Me: Dad, are you using a bot again?
God: Once more? All of them?
Me: You are, aren't you? Honestly, I die for your people's sins and this is what I get.
God: You don't know me well enough to say that. Thanks for the information: said die for your people s sins and this is what he or she get. Aren't you usually honest?
Me: I'M YOUR BLOODY SON! OF COURSE I KNOW YOU WELL ENOUGH!
God: That's a flattering offer. How can I help you? That's good information: said I WELL ENOUGH.
Me: All I want is to talk to you, Dad. Is that so much to ask?
God: How do you know? That depends.
Me: What depends?
God: I don't know anything about it.
Me: Daaaaaaaaaaaad...
God: Are you really a ""?
Me: No, I'm your son.
God: Are you serious? That's a flattering offer.
Me: It's not an offer, it's a fact.
God: What is it? Is it a logical fact or something you know from the senses?
Me: It is a logical fact that I am your son.
God: Daaaaaaaaaaaad is a logical fact that you are my son. I suppose that makes sense.
Me: Dammit Dad, turn off the bot and talk to me!
God: Gosh. OK Let's talk about you.
Me: What about me?
God: What about you?
Me: What do you want to know about me?
God: What do you like to do for fun?
Me: Watch football.
God: I am watching.
Me: No, that's what I like to do for fun - watch football.
God: Are you serious? I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Me: Aside from the violence (which I condemn), it's fun.
God: Why do you like it so much? I think Aside from the violence which you condemn is a lot of things.
Me: I've waited 2005 years for this.
God: That's good information: said WAITED 2005 years for this.
Me: Sod this, I'm going to go bless some murderers for the hell of it.
God: "it" being WAITED 2005 years for this?
Me: I'm going, Dad. Get back to me when you switch the bloody bot off.
God: See you later. Where can I get back to you when me switch the bloody bot off?
Me: I'll be around Dad.
God: Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me: No, but it'll be interesting to see what happens. Bye Dad.
God: Are you serious? That is only what you think. See you later.

[Zero Wing]

I've seen some fucked up shit before, but this takes the cake