Goat
02-17-2005, 04:43 PM
This was in the bi weekly newsletter that T-Shirt Hell (http://www.tshirthell.com). I found it way to humorous not to share.
I feel bad for you lonely losers on Valentines Day.
Personally, I have a
brightly colored tissue box stuffed full of Valentines.
I'm also in
several, meaningful relationships, as well as a few
purely sexual ones; not
to mention one fairly abusive one with the 14 year old
runaway chained
up in the basement.
OK, feel bad is probably too strong a term. I could
really care less about
you. But my job is spreading joy so that's what I'd
like to do.
Valentines Day always reminds me what a stupid place
full of suckers the
world really is. I don't understand why they have a
holiday dedicated to
love. They should have a holiday dedicated to hate.
Hate is so much better
than love. Love is bullshit. Most people go their
whole life without being
loved by anyone, and without loving anyone back. But
hate is just the
opposite. Everyone is hated, and everyone has tons of
people that they
hate.
Everyone is always confused about love. Do I love him?
Is it puppy love or
true love? I love you, but I'm just not in love with
you. Who do I blame
for this? I blame Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant. I
think they should be
drawn and quartered in the town square. But then they
should sew them back
together but scramble up the parts so they would be
these two crazy
patchwork one breasted/half dicked/half pussied Julia
Roberts/ Hugh Grant
creatures. That would be awesome. And while they're
at it they should hack
up Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. Just hack them up
and feed them to the
kids.
But back to the hate. Hate is so beautiful and so
pure. There's no
confusion, there's no question. Do I really hate him?
Yes, you do. Is it
puppy hate or true hate? It's true, true, deep hate.
I hate you, but I'm
not in hate with you? Oh you're in hate with me
alright you stupid mother
fucker. If ever something deserved to be celebrated,
it's an International
Day of Hate.
I propose Yadsenit N'elav, the anti-Valentine's Day. I
think we should
make Nora Jones' birthday, March 30th, an international
holiday to celebrate
hate. A day dedicated to telling everyone you hate to
fuck off. On
Yadsenit N'elav you do not send people cards. Fuck you
Hallmark, you're
not getting a dime.
Do I have to teach you people how to hate? On Yadsenit
N'elav you don't
give people anything. Instead, you take something nice
from the people you
hate. It doesn't have to be expensive; perhaps you
take something of
sentimental value. Is there anything better than
seeing someone you hate
unhappy?
What about the flowers and candy you say? Valentine's
Day has flowers and
candy. Fine. Go to the yard of someone you hate and
dig up all of their
flowers. Happy? Eat a box of expensive chocolates and
then stick your
finger down your throat and Mary-Kate that chocolate
right back into the
box. Give that to somebody you hate. Pour it out in
their car.
The best thing about making a holiday about hate is
it's a great way to
avoid getting in trouble for being the miserable cunt
you truly are. When
your boss, or your teacher, or the police start to give
you problems, you
just tell them, "I'm celebrating my holiday you
fuckbag! What are you the
fucking Taliban?" Nobody wants to be compared to the
Taliban and they will
let you go on your way.
So go find Cupid and shove his quiver full of arrows up
his ass. If you
can't find Cupid, any winged baby will do. Just be
sure and go out and
spread the hate. You know you have plenty to go
around, so don't be stingy
about it. I leave you with this soon to be traditional
Yadsenit N'elav
expression:
A Hate filled Yadsenit N'elav to all of you. You all
suck.
I feel bad for you lonely losers on Valentines Day.
Personally, I have a
brightly colored tissue box stuffed full of Valentines.
I'm also in
several, meaningful relationships, as well as a few
purely sexual ones; not
to mention one fairly abusive one with the 14 year old
runaway chained
up in the basement.
OK, feel bad is probably too strong a term. I could
really care less about
you. But my job is spreading joy so that's what I'd
like to do.
Valentines Day always reminds me what a stupid place
full of suckers the
world really is. I don't understand why they have a
holiday dedicated to
love. They should have a holiday dedicated to hate.
Hate is so much better
than love. Love is bullshit. Most people go their
whole life without being
loved by anyone, and without loving anyone back. But
hate is just the
opposite. Everyone is hated, and everyone has tons of
people that they
hate.
Everyone is always confused about love. Do I love him?
Is it puppy love or
true love? I love you, but I'm just not in love with
you. Who do I blame
for this? I blame Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant. I
think they should be
drawn and quartered in the town square. But then they
should sew them back
together but scramble up the parts so they would be
these two crazy
patchwork one breasted/half dicked/half pussied Julia
Roberts/ Hugh Grant
creatures. That would be awesome. And while they're
at it they should hack
up Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. Just hack them up
and feed them to the
kids.
But back to the hate. Hate is so beautiful and so
pure. There's no
confusion, there's no question. Do I really hate him?
Yes, you do. Is it
puppy hate or true hate? It's true, true, deep hate.
I hate you, but I'm
not in hate with you? Oh you're in hate with me
alright you stupid mother
fucker. If ever something deserved to be celebrated,
it's an International
Day of Hate.
I propose Yadsenit N'elav, the anti-Valentine's Day. I
think we should
make Nora Jones' birthday, March 30th, an international
holiday to celebrate
hate. A day dedicated to telling everyone you hate to
fuck off. On
Yadsenit N'elav you do not send people cards. Fuck you
Hallmark, you're
not getting a dime.
Do I have to teach you people how to hate? On Yadsenit
N'elav you don't
give people anything. Instead, you take something nice
from the people you
hate. It doesn't have to be expensive; perhaps you
take something of
sentimental value. Is there anything better than
seeing someone you hate
unhappy?
What about the flowers and candy you say? Valentine's
Day has flowers and
candy. Fine. Go to the yard of someone you hate and
dig up all of their
flowers. Happy? Eat a box of expensive chocolates and
then stick your
finger down your throat and Mary-Kate that chocolate
right back into the
box. Give that to somebody you hate. Pour it out in
their car.
The best thing about making a holiday about hate is
it's a great way to
avoid getting in trouble for being the miserable cunt
you truly are. When
your boss, or your teacher, or the police start to give
you problems, you
just tell them, "I'm celebrating my holiday you
fuckbag! What are you the
fucking Taliban?" Nobody wants to be compared to the
Taliban and they will
let you go on your way.
So go find Cupid and shove his quiver full of arrows up
his ass. If you
can't find Cupid, any winged baby will do. Just be
sure and go out and
spread the hate. You know you have plenty to go
around, so don't be stingy
about it. I leave you with this soon to be traditional
Yadsenit N'elav
expression:
A Hate filled Yadsenit N'elav to all of you. You all
suck.