What to tell a mourner...

[ShadowTiger]

One of my best friend's mother just died of cancer last night. He claims it was "expected," and didn't seem all that distraught over the phone. I was wondering what to say to him to provide any comfort I could.. What would you say to the child of a now deceased parent? .. Of any age?

[Masamune]

This may sounds cold, but don't say anything. If one of my parents died, I really wouldn't want to talk to anyone about it, especially if it just happened. I think he already knows you feel sorry. Or if you can think of something better, do that.

[Artex]

I'd wait for him to talk, before comeing out and saying anything. Like Masamune said...I wouldn't want to be reminded of it just now either. But there will be a time when he'll want to talk, and then the best thing you could do....is listen. As for words...they'll come when needed; just tell him you're there for him.

[moocow]

I have a friend who got in a fatal car accident when we were Freshman. Her dad and little brother both died. It's really hard to come up with the right thing to say to someone in a situation like that. If you feel you have to say something, just tell him, "I'm here if you need me..." and leave it at that. Like everyone else said, it's best to just be quiet and listen to him right now, when he comes to you. Like I said, it's very hard to even come up with the right thing to say to someone who just lost their parent at a younger age, you know?

[Dracula]

It's a really sensitive subject for me... I remember back when my dad died, I try to remember what people said to comfort me... it's hard trying to find hte right words under those circumstances. The best thing may be to leave them be... they have a lot on their mind.

I remember when one of my friends' mom died of cancer... I didn't know what to say, 'cuz I met his mom once, and I knew she was sick. I signed a card for him... I knew he was a total metal-head, so I quoted from an Ozzy song... "Death is so final for only the living, the spirit will always remained"... He really enjoyed that. I didn't have to get into a big discussion with him, but I at least let him know I'm there, and I know the circumstances.

[Naked Jim]

Ya just tell him that your there for him if he needs anything. My dad died of cancer last summer and it was hard but just knowing that your friends would be there for you, was a very comforting thought.

[ShadowTiger]

Thanks for the advice, guys. Truth be told, he seemed rather happy today. His mother had cancer for a while, and it had gotten worse recently, .. then a few days later, she was cast off her mortal coil, and all around her were sent into mourning. But my friend was expecting it, so I just tried to accommodate his every wish to keep him as happy as possible, without mentioning his mom at all, but instead making casual conversation as to how he was feeling, followed immediately by what a pleasure it was to see him and such. He really seemed happy by the time he went home. I was glad that he came over.

[Zaggarum]

well in some cases, when a loved one is suffering so long with a desease like that, and they finnaly die, its almost as if a burden has been lifted. MY grandfather was suffering from cancer and and he was on all sorts of theropies and shit. When he died, my dad told me it was for the best becuase he was in pain. I bet ur friend was happy that his mother wasn't suffering anymore. I would be happy to to see my mother pass on if she was in so much pain like that.

[ShadowTiger]

Indeed. Life gets interesting like that. ... Wanting to see people die because they're in pain. After you see enough deaths, all death starts to seem like it's really not so bad after all. .... Just another part of life.