PDA

View Full Version : Stupid quotes on the net



biggiy05
06-05-2004, 07:30 PM
Ive decided to start a whole new thread of stuff that ppl say on the net that is just flat out funny as hell, i was crying from laughing so hard when i got done reading alot of it :laughing: So for you reading enjoyment i present Biggiy05's stupid conversations and quotes on the internet!!

<wolf> 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A
<wolf> 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
<wolf> 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business
Reply Mail Envelope.
<wolf> 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold
in your hand.
<wolf> 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away
whistling.
<wolf> I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies
telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather
then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that
they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says
Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your
business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.
<wolf> Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an
added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope
so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about
the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After
yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my
demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this
very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.

docsigma2000: jesus christ man
docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead
c8info: Why?
docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in fucking EUROPE
docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE
docsigma2000: our fucking phone bill is gonna be nuts
c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour.
docsigma2000: ...!!!!!! F*** F*** F***
docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for???
docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much
c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with it.
docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites.
docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead
c8info: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long distance.
** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile ([email protected]) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuxers)
<anamexis> :<

<glome> Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?!
<content> glome stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
<glome> Who me?!
<content> Yes you!
<glome> Couldn't be!
<content> Then WHO?!!
<glome> Woody stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
*** glome has been kicked by DrWoody (fuck you i didn't touch the motherfuxking cookie, biatch)

<Sui88> 67% of girls are stupid
<V-girl> i belong with the other 13%

<DaZE> at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4

<scirDSL> I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.

<frank> can you help me install GTA3?
<knightmare> first, shut down all programs you aren't using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
<knightmare> ...

<Hiroe> he was dressed as a big f'n devil
<Hiroe> like, HUGE costume
<Hiroe> 8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head
<Hiroe> at some anime con in california
<Hiroe> they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel
<Hiroe> he's riding the elevator down to the con space
<Hiroe> doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
<Hiroe> he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice

<blazemore> LITTLETON, Colo. - Colorado officials plan to try a 15-year-old boy as an adult for allegedly offering a Sony PlayStation to have his aunt killed.
<FlipTopBx> is it modded?

<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a fucken impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally

Thats all for now ill add more when i have time in the meantime feel free to add more if you find them.

Menokh
06-05-2004, 07:47 PM
<Hiroe> he was dressed as a big f'n devil
<Hiroe> like, HUGE costume
<Hiroe> 8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head
<Hiroe> at some anime con in california
<Hiroe> they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel
<Hiroe> he's riding the elevator down to the con space
<Hiroe> doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
<Hiroe> he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice

ROFLOL. I got quite kick out of this one.
Such perfect coincidence and such fun! I wish I could have seen the old lady's reaction to the "devil".

Master Ghaleon
06-05-2004, 07:57 PM
Ive seen these before, maybe in another thread

obi
06-05-2004, 07:58 PM
<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile ([email protected]) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuxers)
<anamexis> :<

....

<scirDSL> I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.

...

<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a fucken impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally


Those three really cracked me up ^_^

plith
06-05-2004, 08:29 PM
That's nice, but anyone here can see all those quotes and more at bash.org. They're in the top 100/200 lists.

ShadowTiger
06-05-2004, 09:16 PM
"Never once moved diagonally." .. Man, that's humor. :p


<DaZE> at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4 .. By far, the best one of all. Imagine that guy's face, when he... oh man.. you just have to imagine it. :rolleyes:

Thanks, Biggy. :thumbsup:

Archibaldo
06-05-2004, 09:56 PM
That last one was hilarious. Where did you get these?

biggiy05
06-05-2004, 11:00 PM
Just as plith had said from bash.org there was this giant argument of where the first one i mentioned of Welcome to the Internet came from on another forum im a part of some said it came from bash some said it came from other places but the ones ive got and will be adding come from bash.

This one does not come from bash so haha!

<white>You guys ever think that its time to stop living UP HERE and start living down here?
<black>But what if you stopped living over here


and startedl iving over here?

<black2>My grandma was living over there!
<black>REALLY?!
<black2>yea but she got evicted
<white>What for>
<black2>Cuz of rats in the building......
<black>It couldnt have been rats, rats live outside mice live inside
<black2>so it was mice cuz they live inside and rats live outside
<black>yea
<black2>but what happens when you see a mouse goes outside and a rat goes inside? Does the mouse become a rat and the rat become a mouse?
<black>No you never see a mouse outside!
<black2>How come?
<black>Cuz when a mouse goes outside it becomes a rat and when a rat goes inside it becomes a mouse
<black2>OO I GET IT!

That was from Scary Movie 3 its not the exact words but to the best of my knowledge. Also here are some more quotes

<necrofile> i wonder what happens if u put your playlist in your playlist
<DigDug> OMG DON'T!!!!
<DigDug> THE UNIVERSE WILL COLLAPSE :D

(kap) damn im gassy tonight
(kap) too bad eSmell went out of buisness
(kap) i could punish you guys forever

"Reports are sketchy, but we have heard that in the first heart transplant operation in Belgium, both patient and donor are doing fine."
- Radio news announcer

"We'll be back with the recrap after this message."

Ganon's Minion
06-06-2004, 12:00 AM
That's nice, but anyone here can see all those quotes and more at bash.org. They're in the top 100/200 lists.

Yes, that's what I was going to say. But on the contrary, they are fricking funny. ^.^ Gotta love 'em.

biggiy05
06-06-2004, 02:25 AM
Yes, that's what I was going to say. But on the contrary, they are fricking funny. ^.^ Gotta love 'em.

Thanks Ganon's Minion, i figured not everyone knows about that site and i didnt for a while either so i figured id just start a thread of the ones i think are really funny.

Ich
06-06-2004, 06:14 PM
http://www.bash.org/?127148

Beat that.

moocow
06-06-2004, 06:18 PM
*beats it with a 404 stick*

;)

sagelink
06-06-2004, 08:25 PM
tadaaa

http://www.bash.org/?50891

moocow
06-06-2004, 09:20 PM
LMFAO

OMG, that one was hilarious sage.

Ich
06-06-2004, 10:28 PM
You've still got nothing on me :D. My quote is me. I've gotten two others in as well.

http://www.bash.org/?187355
http://www.bash.org/?219577

biggiy05
06-07-2004, 10:08 AM
lol here is one for ya

<LordChewy> so my dad found my porn folder
<LordChewy> and he was getting all pissed
<LordChewy> so its all like "does this surprise you? i'm not stupid you know"
<LordChewy> "i know dad"
<LordChewy> "what do you have to say for yourself?"
<LordChewy> at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say "C:Documents and SettingsRickyMy Documentsfaxessent faxes"
<LordChewy> and he just shut up
<kingKahn> what is it?
<LordChewy> its his porn folder

Ich
06-07-2004, 11:35 AM
I like how C:Documents and Settings turned into a Smilie. That makes that quote (seen it before) even funnier.

biggiy05
06-07-2004, 03:00 PM
Whoops i wasnt even paying attention to that but it does look better lol