Ich
05-29-2004, 10:40 PM
This may be one of the weirdest things I have ever done. SixTen had an opportunity to come over to our house tonight, but he didn't, so we had to entertain ourselves without him. After the purchase of two 20 foot guitar cables, me and my stepbrother Jim were decidedly more mobile than we were earlier. If you positioned the amp near the door, you could play guitar from the bathroom. Jim used this to simultaneously piss a distance of approximately two feet and play bass. I'm sure there's a market for this talent somewhere, maybe New York City, but as for now, he's doing this unpaid. Positioning the amplifier closer to the door allows you to play guitar while on the toilet, which I took advantage of. So Jim gets the idea to burst into the bathroom with his pants down and his bass guitar (a Fender) "covering up his dong." So then, he attempted to lure me into the practice of performing guitar in the hallway, which is on the way to the bathroom. Some shred of dignity prevented me from succombing to this abomination, but I was wearing my boxers. Jim decided to remove all of his clothing, and harass my younger brother (not Texasdex). I don't really want to go into detail about his actions, because I'm assuming that at least one person who is reading this has eaten recently. He requested that I make a mention of "ass jiggling" and so I am. Next, we turned up our instruments to see if we could make our parents irate enough to come out into the hall and yell at us to turn it down. After about half an hour of a semi-naked jam session (me in boxers, Jim "ass naked") and my younger brother fully annoyed and disgusted, Jim got the brilliant idea of performing the latest song we had been working on for various peoples. My younger brother was very unenthusiastic about the prospect of a concert in his room, so he gave us candy to get us to leave. In retrospect, I think we should have asked for more, but such is life, and we can't very well strip down and harass him now. Hmm, actually, we can. I'll try that at a later date. Exhausted of an audience within the radius of our 20 foot guitar cables, we turned to the final people to perform to: parents. Jim's ideas were getting progressively more obtuse, which we could also term as inspired if they didn't involve barging into our parent's room and demanding that they listen to our song. Since they both were distracted by a book and a Powerbook, they were just listening to our song. The words were pretty much spontaneous on my part, and we were playing four chords underneath them (in the same order, but the rhythm changed), so they finally looked up:
One of the things,
I swore not to do
is play for my parents
in my birthday suit.
They then started laughing from some kind of shock and disbelief, and at their complete inability to notice that one of their children is wearing only a Fender bass guitar. After he dropped his pick, he proceeded to search on the floor for approximately three or four minutes. He didn't find it, but "tucked his weiner in between his legs" and stood up with the bass placed where it didn't "cover up his dong" and began to scream "Your son is a eunuch! Look at me!" They continued laughing--perhaps this is a sign of some underlying disorder that needs to be recognized and treated with lots of medicine--but they finally got some sense about themselves and proceeded to kick us out. I'm now sitting here in my stepbrother's room typing this up on his iBook while he looks over my shoulder and insists I add parts to this post.. More specifically, ones making him look bad. He ordered me to remove his last name from this post, but SixTen knows and he also had an opportunity to come over and hang out tonight, but he passed it up. He must not have known what wonderful fun we were going to have. And by "hang out" I only mean that in the normal sense, without any added "hanging out" connotations.
So, has anyone else ever performed a song on guitar naked in front of their parents?
One of the things,
I swore not to do
is play for my parents
in my birthday suit.
They then started laughing from some kind of shock and disbelief, and at their complete inability to notice that one of their children is wearing only a Fender bass guitar. After he dropped his pick, he proceeded to search on the floor for approximately three or four minutes. He didn't find it, but "tucked his weiner in between his legs" and stood up with the bass placed where it didn't "cover up his dong" and began to scream "Your son is a eunuch! Look at me!" They continued laughing--perhaps this is a sign of some underlying disorder that needs to be recognized and treated with lots of medicine--but they finally got some sense about themselves and proceeded to kick us out. I'm now sitting here in my stepbrother's room typing this up on his iBook while he looks over my shoulder and insists I add parts to this post.. More specifically, ones making him look bad. He ordered me to remove his last name from this post, but SixTen knows and he also had an opportunity to come over and hang out tonight, but he passed it up. He must not have known what wonderful fun we were going to have. And by "hang out" I only mean that in the normal sense, without any added "hanging out" connotations.
So, has anyone else ever performed a song on guitar naked in front of their parents?