AtmaWeapon
05-06-2004, 10:48 PM
OK I don't have much else to do so I compiled this helpful guide to drivers in the South. I can only cover places I've been, so it is not complete, but it will be helpful in case you ever have to come here. OK here goes in order I think of them in:
Mississippi drivers
I have the most experience with drivers from here. You have a few major types, but for the most part MS drivers are pretty carefree. Of note is the significance of the right lane to a Mississippi driver. No matter what speed they are travelling at, the Mississippi driver will try to stay in the right lane as if it were a shield from speeding tickets. Even if after they pass you there is a car 50 yards ahead going 20 mph slower than their current speed, the MS driver will dart into the lane for 2 seconds and then dart back out, only to pass that car up and dart in again. Blinkers are illegal; if someone has their turn signal on they are probably trying to go straight.
One note: On back roads, a MS driver is a force to be reckoned with. Of all the miles I've logged in MS, probably 30% of them were on 1 1/2 lane county roads at night where visibility was 20 feet tops because of all the curves. My average speed on the county roads was 65-70 depending on how awake I was. Most of the roads are 35 zones with 20 mph curves. You can take them at 40 with no problem.
Tennessee drivers
My second-most experience with drivers is in TN. TN drivers come in three distinct types: truck drivers, speed demons, and investors. Truck drivers are malicious. They travel in packs of 4 or 5 and when they notice someone approaching in the left lane at a faster speed, the driver in back ALWAYS decides he wants to be at the front of the truck line. Be prepared to inch forward at speeds just 1mph over the speed limit until he gets there. I usually return the favor by getting in front and braking when going uphill, killing his momentum and causing all kinds of downshift nightmares. Speed demons go really fast, no worries about them as long as you get out of their way. Investors are so named because they are easily spooked. These people are always in front of me on the way to work. If there is a traffic light, curve, intersection, or another car in front of them they will brake as soon as they see it and bleed 20-30 mph off of their speed until the threat is gone. Nothing pisses me off more than dropping to 20 in a 45 zone while late for work because an investor is worried the green light might suddenly skip yellow and turn red in 2 seconds. Investors are particularly annoying because of the abundance of hills and curves on TN roads. It also doesn't help that most roads I travel are 2-lane with no straightaways to pass on, so the 40-mile trip to Lenoir City typically takes me an hour in a 65 zone. Oh, and TN drivers exhibit different lane behaviors than MS drivers. Whereas MS drivers prefer the right lane, TN drivers prefer the security they feel when they are side-by-side with another driver, usually two investors stick together and drive 5-7 under the speed limit to avoid calamities such as the road exploding in front of them.
Alabama drivers
OK this is the strangest driver I have ever encountered. They behave differently depending on what state they are in. Here's the habitats I have observed:
Missisippi
Pray for your life if you encounter an Alabama driver in MS. Fast and reckless, the only more dangerous drivers I've seen are Texas drivers. It's like they have to prove their state is better than ours or something by beating us in a race.
Tennessee
For some reason, Alabama drivers are timid and behave like investors while in TN. The inspiration for this post is the guy I was behind tonight. I went one way down a curvy mountain road using my MS county road skills at a steady 70 mph, only slowing to 50 around one curve. (This was a 45 zone). The way back was spent going a maximum of 30 behind an Alabama driver. Every time a curve approached he slowed to < 20. Once again, the cursed curves were too much to risk passing the guy.
Alabama
Alabama must have a wicked Highway Patrol because the drivers act on their best behavior within their own state. I have to travel ~220 of the 460 miles to Mississippi through Alabama, and I must say it is usually the most pleasant part of the trip. Except there is a 40 mile stretch where the road construction moves you to what used to be the shoulder, so you are driving on the "OMG YOU ARE OFF THE ROAD WAKE UP" bumps for 10 miles. The other 30 miles ride like there is a speed bump every 10 yards.
Texas
I have only ridden in Texas, never drove, but you guys need to work on your manners. Some bastard pointed a gun at us because another bastard came to a dead stop on the interstate in front of us and we had to swerve and we cut off mister "MY PENIS IS BIG I HAVE A GUN". Another bastard flipped off our church bus when the same thing happened again. WTF is so great about pulling your handbrake on the interstate, Texas?
Area focus: New Orleans
New Orleans is the place to learn how to drive so you won't fear traffic. You will learn many fundamental rules of large-city driving, and the drivers here are alert enough that you can make mistakes from time to time. Here's all you need to know: If there is a space your car can fit in and it is in a faster lane, do it. Normal "cut-off" rules do not apply in NO. No one wants to get in an accident and get flipped off by the thousands of drivers who now are running late becaues of you, so they will take extreme caution to give you space if you take it. NEVER use your blinker when attempting to change lanes. In New Orleans, the turn signal means "I would like you to pass me on this side immediately, please." The result of preceeding a lane change with a turn signal will be an accident. Watch the car in front of you. A lot of Texans and wannabe Texans drive in New Orleans, and despite the fact that there are warnings for 10 miles that their exit is coming, they decide 50 feet from the exit that the left lane is not a good idea. Hi ho, handbrake! The speed limit sign says 60. DO NOT try going any slower than 75 unless you like being a hood ornament. 80 is the customary speed. I have never seen a New Orleans cop make a traffic arrest on I-10. This goes back to why accidents are avoided so carefully: no one wants to hold up traffic on I-10. I've personally blown by NO cops going 90 when I missed the Gulfport exit by 40 miles because I am not very observant and had to loop through New Orleans. I was once passed by a cop while going 90 in NO, as well.
Area focus: Atlanta
Dear God. These are like rejects from New Orleans. The rules from New Orleans apply, but you have to be a lot more careful because cut-offs are more of a sin. Luckily I think Texans avoid ATL for some reason because I've never had to use an inertial compensator to brake from 80-0 in 10 feet whilst driving through Atlanta.
I hope this is helpful.
Mississippi drivers
I have the most experience with drivers from here. You have a few major types, but for the most part MS drivers are pretty carefree. Of note is the significance of the right lane to a Mississippi driver. No matter what speed they are travelling at, the Mississippi driver will try to stay in the right lane as if it were a shield from speeding tickets. Even if after they pass you there is a car 50 yards ahead going 20 mph slower than their current speed, the MS driver will dart into the lane for 2 seconds and then dart back out, only to pass that car up and dart in again. Blinkers are illegal; if someone has their turn signal on they are probably trying to go straight.
One note: On back roads, a MS driver is a force to be reckoned with. Of all the miles I've logged in MS, probably 30% of them were on 1 1/2 lane county roads at night where visibility was 20 feet tops because of all the curves. My average speed on the county roads was 65-70 depending on how awake I was. Most of the roads are 35 zones with 20 mph curves. You can take them at 40 with no problem.
Tennessee drivers
My second-most experience with drivers is in TN. TN drivers come in three distinct types: truck drivers, speed demons, and investors. Truck drivers are malicious. They travel in packs of 4 or 5 and when they notice someone approaching in the left lane at a faster speed, the driver in back ALWAYS decides he wants to be at the front of the truck line. Be prepared to inch forward at speeds just 1mph over the speed limit until he gets there. I usually return the favor by getting in front and braking when going uphill, killing his momentum and causing all kinds of downshift nightmares. Speed demons go really fast, no worries about them as long as you get out of their way. Investors are so named because they are easily spooked. These people are always in front of me on the way to work. If there is a traffic light, curve, intersection, or another car in front of them they will brake as soon as they see it and bleed 20-30 mph off of their speed until the threat is gone. Nothing pisses me off more than dropping to 20 in a 45 zone while late for work because an investor is worried the green light might suddenly skip yellow and turn red in 2 seconds. Investors are particularly annoying because of the abundance of hills and curves on TN roads. It also doesn't help that most roads I travel are 2-lane with no straightaways to pass on, so the 40-mile trip to Lenoir City typically takes me an hour in a 65 zone. Oh, and TN drivers exhibit different lane behaviors than MS drivers. Whereas MS drivers prefer the right lane, TN drivers prefer the security they feel when they are side-by-side with another driver, usually two investors stick together and drive 5-7 under the speed limit to avoid calamities such as the road exploding in front of them.
Alabama drivers
OK this is the strangest driver I have ever encountered. They behave differently depending on what state they are in. Here's the habitats I have observed:
Missisippi
Pray for your life if you encounter an Alabama driver in MS. Fast and reckless, the only more dangerous drivers I've seen are Texas drivers. It's like they have to prove their state is better than ours or something by beating us in a race.
Tennessee
For some reason, Alabama drivers are timid and behave like investors while in TN. The inspiration for this post is the guy I was behind tonight. I went one way down a curvy mountain road using my MS county road skills at a steady 70 mph, only slowing to 50 around one curve. (This was a 45 zone). The way back was spent going a maximum of 30 behind an Alabama driver. Every time a curve approached he slowed to < 20. Once again, the cursed curves were too much to risk passing the guy.
Alabama
Alabama must have a wicked Highway Patrol because the drivers act on their best behavior within their own state. I have to travel ~220 of the 460 miles to Mississippi through Alabama, and I must say it is usually the most pleasant part of the trip. Except there is a 40 mile stretch where the road construction moves you to what used to be the shoulder, so you are driving on the "OMG YOU ARE OFF THE ROAD WAKE UP" bumps for 10 miles. The other 30 miles ride like there is a speed bump every 10 yards.
Texas
I have only ridden in Texas, never drove, but you guys need to work on your manners. Some bastard pointed a gun at us because another bastard came to a dead stop on the interstate in front of us and we had to swerve and we cut off mister "MY PENIS IS BIG I HAVE A GUN". Another bastard flipped off our church bus when the same thing happened again. WTF is so great about pulling your handbrake on the interstate, Texas?
Area focus: New Orleans
New Orleans is the place to learn how to drive so you won't fear traffic. You will learn many fundamental rules of large-city driving, and the drivers here are alert enough that you can make mistakes from time to time. Here's all you need to know: If there is a space your car can fit in and it is in a faster lane, do it. Normal "cut-off" rules do not apply in NO. No one wants to get in an accident and get flipped off by the thousands of drivers who now are running late becaues of you, so they will take extreme caution to give you space if you take it. NEVER use your blinker when attempting to change lanes. In New Orleans, the turn signal means "I would like you to pass me on this side immediately, please." The result of preceeding a lane change with a turn signal will be an accident. Watch the car in front of you. A lot of Texans and wannabe Texans drive in New Orleans, and despite the fact that there are warnings for 10 miles that their exit is coming, they decide 50 feet from the exit that the left lane is not a good idea. Hi ho, handbrake! The speed limit sign says 60. DO NOT try going any slower than 75 unless you like being a hood ornament. 80 is the customary speed. I have never seen a New Orleans cop make a traffic arrest on I-10. This goes back to why accidents are avoided so carefully: no one wants to hold up traffic on I-10. I've personally blown by NO cops going 90 when I missed the Gulfport exit by 40 miles because I am not very observant and had to loop through New Orleans. I was once passed by a cop while going 90 in NO, as well.
Area focus: Atlanta
Dear God. These are like rejects from New Orleans. The rules from New Orleans apply, but you have to be a lot more careful because cut-offs are more of a sin. Luckily I think Texans avoid ATL for some reason because I've never had to use an inertial compensator to brake from 80-0 in 10 feet whilst driving through Atlanta.
I hope this is helpful.