Tomorrow's Phrase that Pays Today

[Orion]

I am trying to put together a calendar of stupid, charming, and inspirational quotes and thoughts. Maybe you guys can help me find/come up with some. I need 365, and these are a few of what I have so far:

"I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges."

"If you drink, don't park, accidents cause people."

"If you paid someone $20, and never saw them again, it was probably worth it."

"The way I see it, everything is kinda blurry."

"I ate the blue marker. Can I have another?"

"If you must eat paste, Elmer's is high in fiber."

"Sometimes words hurt, and so do hangnails."

"Eagles may soar, but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines."

"Antidisestablishmentarianism"

"Stupid people always do stupid things."

"Where is the 'any' key?"

"The yearning for sex is really a dyslexic search for love."

"If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress?"

"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."

"I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!"

"Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now"

"Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?"

[SixTen]

Why do you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?

[Jemsee]

Recently I have been jotting down lines from movies and books.
Here are a few.

"The truth may be difficult.
But if you don't face it you may just as well stop living."

"Free your mind, your ass will follow."

"A shameless opportunist"

"Question: What do you want in life?
Answer: To be free...
Response: Aaa... simple.
Response back: No, not really."

"Perhaps everyone wakes sometimes with the thoughts and the despair that come just before the dawn."

"If you think too hard you may become lost."

"...their actions and spirit showed they belied any such claim as love."

[SixTen]

America: The country with a general in charge of the post office and a secretary in charge of defence.

[theplustwo]

Why do you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?
Lol I'd like to driver on her parkway, am I rite?

[SixTen]

Which her theplustwo??
Haha. Just messin with ya.

[J.J. Maxx]

Forty-two :)