The lack of dullness in my life.

[Jedi{M}aster]

My lifelong partner in crime of about oh hell we have known each other for about 17 years now wants me to be groomsman in his wedding. The problem is that I really don't want to. We really haven't really hung out with each other since he started doing drugs. But he left drugs for the girl that he is going to be marrying. I think they have been together for oh....5 years now. But then I went off to school and he was dating her. In the meantime I did get my degree and well they are getting married. Its not I hate his fiance although she there are somethings I don't like about her or what I think she has done to him. I don't know its just that I think that there are better people that he can pick for this kind of thing. So I guess in the long run is how can I tell him that I don't want to do it?

[Daarkseid]

In your situation, I'd probably just be wetting myself. But I'm not in your situation, so I say tell him to go to hell.

[Master Ghaleon]

Just tell him straight up cause the longer you wait to tell him the truth, the harder it will be to tell him. Just get it out now while he has time to pick someone else.

[Jedi{M}aster]

Yeah maybe I should grow some balls or a backbone for once in my life.

[AtmaWeapon]

I say tell him as soon as possible. He may be pissed, but you have a right to let him know that you are not happy with his choice.

Here's the cases as I see them. (You might not act like a jerk at his wedding, but I'm acting as if it were me in your situation. If I didn't want to be there but was forced to be there, people would know):

1) You go to the wedding as a groomsman.
1a) You are wrong; she is the perfect woman for him. However, you don't know this and are uncomfortable the entire wedding. There's a possiblity you could be grumpy and ruin the friendship because you acted like a jerk at his wedding.
1b) You are right; this was a bad decision. You might still act like a jerk at the wedding, but odds are this friend will later lash at you and ask why you didn't talk him out of it.

2) You don't go to the wedding as a groomsman.
2a) You are wrong; she is the perfect woman for him. Your friend may be peeved, but you didn't really do anything major so perhaps the friendship can be salvaged.
2b) You are right; she is not a match. You have your bases covered here, when your friend comes crying you can point out that you saw this coming.


Choice two has less potential for damage, as far as I can see.

[aces2022]

It's just one of those things that is bad at the time you say but after that it's like, OH! OK. Thas cool. depending on how much he wants you to do it.

[Nonsensical]

Tell your friend that you will be a groomsman. Act like you're excited and happy for him until the day of the wedding. Then be nervous and fidgety and when/if he asks you what's wrong, tell him you're just excited that he's marrying. Then, during the wedding ceremony, when the priest/reverend says "Speak now or forever hold your peace," stand up and scream "NOOOOOOO!!!!!" Then you have three choices:

A) Make an eloquent speech about why you say this woman is a bad choice.

B) Sit back down and pretend you never objected.

C) Throw a smoke bomb in the crowd and kidnap the groom, drug him, bring him to Las Vegas, and take pictures of him next to a cheap whore in a chapel showing off her wedding ring.

I've been gifted with the foresight to tell you that choice A will get you bitchslapped, choice B will get you bad steak at the wedding reception, and choice C will get you gonorrhea.

Personally, I'd go with B, because I'd be eating the chicken instead.

[Brian]

I would mention it in a subtle sort of way, but still definately get the point across. You know, one of those phrases like "Marriage is very final, and it is important to be positive you are marrying the right person." to start off the discussion. From there hear him out and be open minded, but firmly say your opinion. If he is determined to go through with it, accept his invitation to be groomsman and be gracious at the wedding. That way you can keep your friendship but still have said your piece. Anyway, thats what I would do.

A similar situation happened for my uncle (who was around 35) and got engadged to a 17 year old. EVERYONE in the family objected, but he was determined. He got divorced a year later after having a kid, and about a year after that the girl he married had another kid with the man she was cheating on him with during their marriage. Needless to say he got tired of hearing "I told you so." ;)