Dracula
12-24-2003, 02:00 AM
The Night Before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
Everyone was baked, even the mouse.
My mom’s at the whore house, my dad’s smoking grass,
I had just settled for a nice piece of ass.
When up on the rooftop, I heard such a clatter,
I got off your sister to see what's the matter.
And what to my stoned eyes should suddenly appear,
A shitty old sleigh and eight fuckin’ reindeer.
I noticed an fat old elf who was beating his dick,
I knew at that second, it must be St. Nick!
Down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
I knew in that moment, that the fat fuck had fell.
He got off his ass to look at his list,
If my name’s not on it, boy I’ll be pissed!
He filled up our stockings with reefer and beer,
And a pink rubber dildo, for my brother who’s queer.
My mom got panties flavored like licorice,
And a flaming pile of dog shit for my dad who is Jewish.
Up the chimney with a thunderous fart,
That son-of-a-bitch blew my chimney apart.
He stomped around my roof with an angry call,
“Onward ya bastards, or I’ll chop off your balls!”
And I heard him say as he chugged down his beer,
“Fuck all you assholes, and I’ll see you next year!”
Merry Christmas!
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
Everyone was baked, even the mouse.
My mom’s at the whore house, my dad’s smoking grass,
I had just settled for a nice piece of ass.
When up on the rooftop, I heard such a clatter,
I got off your sister to see what's the matter.
And what to my stoned eyes should suddenly appear,
A shitty old sleigh and eight fuckin’ reindeer.
I noticed an fat old elf who was beating his dick,
I knew at that second, it must be St. Nick!
Down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
I knew in that moment, that the fat fuck had fell.
He got off his ass to look at his list,
If my name’s not on it, boy I’ll be pissed!
He filled up our stockings with reefer and beer,
And a pink rubber dildo, for my brother who’s queer.
My mom got panties flavored like licorice,
And a flaming pile of dog shit for my dad who is Jewish.
Up the chimney with a thunderous fart,
That son-of-a-bitch blew my chimney apart.
He stomped around my roof with an angry call,
“Onward ya bastards, or I’ll chop off your balls!”
And I heard him say as he chugged down his beer,
“Fuck all you assholes, and I’ll see you next year!”
Merry Christmas!