Joke: Round about revenge for a frog...

[Prrkitty]

A little boy about 12 years old walked down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a House of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.

He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it.

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.

He asked, "Do any of the girls have venereal diseases?" Of course the Madam said no.

He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the cynical Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the quashed amphibian behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.

The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"

He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the Dose that I just caught.
When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the dose. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the clap, and HE'S the bastard who ran over my FROG!"

[Verman]

That for some odd reason isnt funny at all....a 12 year old with an STD? yug.....STDs scare me...hence the always hooding thing... :P


Funnier Joke that im sure oyu have all heard:

Q: What do you call an Anorexic Girl with a yeast infection?

A: A quarter-pounder with cheese.


HEHEHEHEHEHEHE

[J.J. Maxx]

Funny joke. Here's another one:

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.

Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach.

He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails.

All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They ended up spending the night together. At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!"

He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time.

He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said,

"Come on guys, we're almost there!!"

LOL

[Clueless Blonde]

*laffs* Good one, JJ! :thumbsup:

[MasterSwordUltima]

Thats really...uhm...funny Prrkitty...yeah. Here's a joke from our good pal Obi...

On the first day God created the cow.

God said, "You must go to field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty."

And God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog.

God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten."

So God agreed .

On the third day God created the monkey.

God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span."

Monkey said, "How boring, monkey t! ricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man.

God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you twenty years."

Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."

So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy, and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.

The British have such a good way of explaining life. :O

[Pablo]

MSU: Prrkitty already posted that.

All the rest of y'all: LMAO! Keep them coming!

[ShadowTiger]

Tell ya what. Why don't we stop giving each other the fish, and teach us all HOW to fish. ;) go to www.bootstrike.com/Laughterhell/ and enjoy them ALL! :kawaii:

[Blonde799]

Prrkitty, I know a lot of people didn't get that. But I did, and it was so messed up!.....but totally funny.:laughing: I like how the little boy knew about his family, that's gotta be disturbing.

[Linkafier]

Hmmmmmm.......well.....That wasn't really funny. Nothing against you :(

Hmmmmmm......anyone heard about the man who fell asleep at church? That's pretty funny.

EDIT:

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

[stormwatcheagle]

I have to admit prr, I wasn't much for that one either. I'm not too keen on little kids having sex. But, you gotta tell some bad jokes to find the good ones. Keep em comming.

[Blonde799]

It wasn't so much as focused on the kid having sex. It was the whole plan. But I guess people wouldn't get it even if I explained it anyway.:shrug:

[Prrkitty]

First off I never mean offense in anything I post. I agree that kids having sex isn't something to brag about or joke about.

But it was the round about way that the kid got revenge for his frog... for me anyway... that was so funny.

If y'all would prefer I could show someone a joke before I post it... and get a 2nd opinion of "yeah that's ok to post" or "no that's not ok to post". I'd have no problem with that.

I'm actually surprised that no one had any comments for my "fishy fishing" joke. But.. to each their own. :)

[stormwatcheagle]

I understood it all, and I don't think it breaks any rules, I just didn't find it funny, that's all. Don't think that you have to screen all your jokes now.

[Verman]

Originally posted by Prrkitty
First off I never mean offense in anything I post. I agree that kids having sex isn't something to brag about or joke about.

But it was the round about way that the kid got revenge for his frog... for me anyway... that was so funny.

If y'all would prefer I could show someone a joke before I post it... and get a 2nd opinion of "yeah that's ok to post" or "no that's not ok to post". I'd have no problem with that.

I'm actually surprised that no one had any comments for my "fishy fishing" joke. But.. to each their own. :)


Oh no one is taking offense..It was just a bad joke :) ANd I expressed my opinion of it...post whatever you like and dont get a second opinion..Like (sure youve heard these):

Whats more fun then nailing a baby to a tree?
Ripping it off!

Whats easier to unload, a truck full of bowling balls or a truck full of babies?
The truck full of babies because you can use a pitchfork.

Whats the difference between a pizza and a jew?
A pizza doesnt scream when put in the oven.


See!!!

[fatcatfan]

You've probably heard this before, but here goes

A husband and wife have moved to a new town and were looking to join a local church. The pastor called them into his office to speak to them.

"We take our membership very sriously. This week, I would like you to spend time in prayer and fasting about joining our congregation. As it teaches in scripture, you should abstain from sex during this fast. Next week will discuss what you have heard from God during your fast about joining our church."

So a week passed, and the couple was once again in the minister's office.

"How did it go this week?" he asked. The husband responded, "I must be honest, we broke our fast. My wife dropped a package of light bulbs, and when she bent over to pick them up, I was so overcome with lust that I could not help myself. We had sex right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister replied. "If you cannot spend a week seeking God's will, then you are not welcome in our congregation."

"That's okay," said the husband. "We aren't welcome in Wal-Mart anymore either."

[Prrkitty]

LOLOLOLOLOL. That joke never gets old!! Thanks fcf. I was looking for that one in my saved email and couldn't find it... cause I was thinking of posting that one. :)