Computer Stupidities

[Pablo]

I found a wonderful little site on one of my many Internet humor-searches...it's located at http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_calls.shtml

Here's a sample:

# Tech Support: "Thank you for calling customer service, and how may I help you?"
# Customer: "I can't get it to do."
# Tech Support: "Excuse me, ma'am?"
# Customer: "I can't get my Internet to do."
# Tech Support: "Let's check your setup."
# Customer: "Okey dokey."
# Tech Support: "Are you at your desktop?"
# Customer: "Yes."
# Tech Support: "Do a double click on the 'My Computer' icon."
# Customer: "I don't see that one."
# Tech Support: "What screen are you on, and what does you desktop look like?"
# Customer: "Wood."
# Tech Support: "What's on your screen, ma'am?"
# Customer: "A bunch of names."
# Tech Support: "Like what?"
# Customer: "Bill, George, Larry, Jim."
# Tech Support: "What screen are you on?"
# Customer: "I am on the one I'm on. I need to go get my daughter. She's the computer guru of the family."
# Tech Support: "Great, thank you."
# April: "Hi, I'm April, and you are?"
# Tech Support: "Mike."
# April: "Mike. Cool, dude."
# Tech Support: "Are you at your desktop?"
# April: "You will have to excuse my mother. She's a little dense."
# Tech Support: "No problem."
# April: "How old are you?"
# Tech Support: "300 years old. I'm the 'Highlander.' Um, would you do a double click on the 'My Computer' icon?"
# April: "Sorry, I don't see that one."
# Tech Support: "What do you see?"
# April: "Bill, George, Larry, and Jim."
# Tech Support: "What version of Windows are you using?"
# April: "Ninety-something I guess."
# Tech Support: "Erm. Shut down the computer and reboot."
# April: "Ok...." (pause) "Done."
# Tech Support: "What does your screen say?
# April: "Bill, Larry, Jim, Barbie, and Wimper."
# Tech Support: "Just for kicks, do a double click on 'Bill,' and see what happens."
# April: "What is this?"
# Tech Support: "What did it do?"
# April: "It now has little folders: modems, devices, etc."
# Tech Support: "Why was your 'My Computer' icon named Bill?"
# April: "I wanted to name it something cute. Did I screw up?"

:laughing:

[stormwatcheagle]

Tech Support: "300 years old. I'm the 'Highlander.'

Good answer.

[Sub-Zero]

Tech Support: Ok ma'am...next I'm going to need you to find the box that your computer came in. Put your computer in the box and mail the box to our service department because you're all obviously too fucking stupid to own your own computer.

[carrot red]

Very funny.
I got a bunch of hilarious ones last week, but I don't know what site they were taken from.

[MasterSwordUltima]

Customer: [muffled] "Ok, here it is."
Tech Support: "Follow it for me and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Customer: [still muffled] "I can't reach."
Tech Support: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark in here."
Tech Support: "Dark?"
Customer: "Yes -- the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Tech Support: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Customer: "I can't."
Tech Support: "No? Why not?"
Customer: "Because there's a power outage."
Tech Support: "A p-!" [AARGH!]


ROTFLMFAO! How that guy even got an office job is beyond me.

[Artevoi]

My favorites:

"We have one customer who is notorious in the tech support department. We all dread getting a call from her. She is truly stupid when it comes to a computer.


Tech Support: "Ok, you are in C:\WINDOWS. We need to get to the A: drive. So type 'A' colon and press enter."
Customer: "'A'? What's an 'A'?"
Tech Support: "It's the first letter of the alphabet. 'A' like apple."
Customer: "Ummm...what's an 'A'? I don't know what it is."
Tech Support: "Grade school, remember? The letter 'A'?"
Customer: "Oh, ok. Where is that?"
Tech Support: "Left side of the keyboard. Next to the 'S'."
Customer: "Ok...I think I found it. What do I do?"
Tech Support: "Press it. See what happens."
Customer: "Ok, I've got an 'A' now."
Tech Support: "Now press the colon. It's next to the 'L' key."
Customer: "How do I get it?"
Tech Support: "Hold down the 'shift' key."
Customer: "How to you spell that?"
Tech Support: "S-H-I-F-T. You have two of them. Near the space bar. Hold that down and press the colon."
Customer: "I can't find the colon."
Tech Support: "It's to the right of the 'L'."
Customer: "How do I get it?"
Tech Support: "Hold the shift key and press the colon key."
Customer: "Oh, ok...I think I've got it."
Tech Support: "Good, now hit 'enter'."
Customer: "Where's that?"
This whole conversation of two commands took almost an hour. I have no idea how this lady ever made enough money to buy a computer. It amazes me how someone can forget the alphabet. She's nice, but she's amazingly dumb."

Artevoi: It embarasses me to be the same species as that customer.

==========

"Husband: "Hi. I'm having a problem connecting to the Internet."
Tech Support: "Ok sir, what operating system are you using?"
Husband: "Oh...I'm really not sure...I'm not the computer expert. My wife is. She's sitting at the computer. I'm going to dictate this to her." (pause) "She says we use Windows 95."
Tech Support: "Ok. What exactly is the problem?"
Husband: "I can't connect."
Wife: (in the background) "We can't even get on -- the software is buggy!"
Tech Support: "Ok, what happens when you try to connect?"
Husband: "Ok, the Connect To: screen pops up, and it asks for my password."
Tech Support: "Did you put your password in?"
Husband: "Yes, and it keeps asking for it afterwards."
Tech Support: "Do you have your caps lock key on?"
Husband: "Yes, but that shouldn't make any difference."
Tech Support: "Uhm...go ahead and hit the caps lock key until the light goes away."
Husband: "Are you sure? We've always got on with the caps lock key on."
Tech Support: "Yes, I'm sure."
Husband: "Oh, ok. It took my password."
Wife: (in the background) "I told you!" (They start arguing. She takes the phone from him.) "HELLO?"
Tech Support: "Yes, hello, you should be all set from here."
Wife: "YES HI, I'VE BEEN USING YOUR DAMN SOFTWARE FOR I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW LONG, AND I STILL CAN'T GET EMAIL FROM MY SON IN THE NAVY!"
Tech Support: "What program do you use for email, ma'am?"
Wife: "I use Windows 95! We already told you that!"
Husband: (in the background) "We already told her that, didn't we?"
Tech Support: "No, what mail application...such as Eudora, Netscape, Internet Explorer..."
Wife: "Microsoft Netscape."
Tech Support: "Netscape?"
Wife: "Yes, Microsoft Netscape."
Tech Support: "Ok, open that up and go to Options, and then Mail and News Preferences--"
Wife: "No, I want email! I don't want to surf the net!"
Tech Support: "Netscape comes with an email program, and we're going to set it up now."
Wife: "Ugh. Fine. Whatever. We'll do it YOUR way."
Tech Support: "Ok." (explains how to set up popmail)
Wife: "I'm not getting mail."
Tech Support: "Do you have two phone lines?"
Suddenly I hear the modem attempting to dial in.


Tech Support: (over the roar of the modem) "MA'AM? YOU ONLY HAVE ONE PHONE LINE. DON'T TRY TO DIAL IN."
(beep click click)


Tech Support: "You can't dial up with this line. It's already in use."
Wife: "I was always able to use it before YOU changed my settings!"
Tech Support: "No, you will just have to disconn--"
Wife: "You tech support people always mess up my settings, and then I have to bring my computer back to [retailer] to get it fixed! You know, you cost me so much money!"
Tech Support: "Ma'am, I didn't change any of your Internet settings."
Wife: "Yes you did, we just went through a NUMBER of things."
Tech Support: "All we did was--"
Wife: "I've had ENOUGH of your service. I'm going back to AOL." (click)"

Artevoi: Ah, yes AOL for morons. Thankfully, I'll be ditching AOL very soon, as my parents found out that it's crap (NO! Really?)
==========

"I got a call from an older lady who stated that after installing our software, her mouse would not work. After further questioning, I learned that she got a message when booting the system that a device was not found. I had her power off the PC, disconnect, and then reconnect the mouse. After rebooting, the mouse functioned fine. But instead of thanking me, she asked me sourly, "Why did your software unplug my mouse?" I attempted to explain to the lady that that was not possible and that all it waswas a loose connection. It wasn't good enough for her. She put her husband on, who asked, "Why did your software decide my computer didn't need a mouse?" Again, trying to explain the loose connection was of little use, and he wanted another number to call to return the software."

Artevoi: No comment.

[Gerudo]

Tech Support: "All right. Now click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "Yes, click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "That's right. Click 'OK'."
Customer: "So I click 'OK', right?"
Tech Support: "Right. Click 'OK'."
Pause.

Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "YOU CLICKED 'CANCEL'???"
Customer: "That's what I was supposed to do, right?"
Tech Support: "No, you were supposed to click 'OK'."
Customer: "I thought you said to click 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "NO. I said to click 'OK'."
Customer: "Oh."
Tech Support: "Now we have to start over."
Customer: "Why?"
Tech Support: "Because you clicked 'Cancel'."
Customer: "Wasn't I supposed to click 'Cancel'?"
Tech Support: "No. Forget that. Let's start from the top."
Customer: "Ok."
I spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady's unique computer.


Tech Support: "All right. Now, are you ready to click 'OK'?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Great. Now click 'OK'."
Pause.


Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
And people wonder why my mouse pad has a target on it labeled "BANG HEAD HERE."
-------------------------------

omfg, i laughed at this one for like 5 minutes :rofl:

[AlphaDawg]

TechTales (http://www.techtales.com) has lots of funny tech support stories. Here's a good one from the most recent update:
I do computer repair and troubleshooting as a side job and dont often run into many problems. On one occasion though I did not get paid for a job because I was told that I had done something illegal to there computer. Why else would they get the following message on their computer.

"This program has performed an illegal operation"

[KJAZZ]

lol, I've read lots of things like this before..Such idiots..:D