carrot red
07-29-2003, 05:07 PM
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
1. NAME _____________________
DATE OF BIRTH ________________
2. HEIGHT ____________________
WEIGHT __________
I.Q _______
G.P.A.______
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________
DRIVERS LICENSE # ______________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK _______________
5. HOME ADDRESS ________________
CITY/STATE ___________
ZIP _________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?_____________
If No., EXPLAIN __________________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married _________
8. Do you own a van? ______
A truck with oversized tires? ______
A waterbed? _______
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? ______
A tattoo__________
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?______
10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? _______
11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? _______
12. Church you attend __________
How often do you attend ___________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? __________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential. (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is ________
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ____
c) A woman's place is in the __________
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ____
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her ____________
( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________
__________________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_________________ Signature ( That means your name, moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please, allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back)
It's not my dad who wrote this application, I swear.:tongue:
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
1. NAME _____________________
DATE OF BIRTH ________________
2. HEIGHT ____________________
WEIGHT __________
I.Q _______
G.P.A.______
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________
DRIVERS LICENSE # ______________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK _______________
5. HOME ADDRESS ________________
CITY/STATE ___________
ZIP _________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?_____________
If No., EXPLAIN __________________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married _________
8. Do you own a van? ______
A truck with oversized tires? ______
A waterbed? _______
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? ______
A tattoo__________
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?______
10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? _______
11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? _______
12. Church you attend __________
How often do you attend ___________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? __________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential. (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is ________
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ____
c) A woman's place is in the __________
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ____
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her ____________
( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________
__________________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_________________ Signature ( That means your name, moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please, allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back)
It's not my dad who wrote this application, I swear.:tongue: