check this out

[aeleneski]

I am currently writing something and I was looking for some outside comments on my work besides people close to me, for you know that they may not tell the truth. Here is the address to go. Thanks. Please leave any comments on the board or email me.

http://www.freewebs.com/ezent/index.htm

[Aegis Runestone]

Nice, but shouldn't be moved to the General Entertainment forum?

I, too am a writer so I can appericate writing like this, it's pretty good. :)

[cyberkiller6276]

im a writer too, but compared to my work, this is awesome. very abstract.

i like it.

[aeleneski]

thanks guys, sorry about where it should be placed, I did not see the general entertainment forum but I thought the plain general discussion would be just the same.

[aeleneski]

also I was wondering if I write like any writer that you have read to date?

[Gerudo]

-->http://www.armageddongames.net/images/edit.gif<--


very good work, imo, i like the first person narrative format... (i think thats what it is, at least it seems that way...)

[aeleneski]

yes it is in first person, keep the comments coming please

[Nekui]

Very... interesting. There seems to be a significant presence of the color yellow. Maybe the kid turns into a bee, stings someone, and then dies :shrug:. Keep up the interesting work.

[aeleneski]

sorry about the edit thing, I did not know.
if there are any more comments/suggestions it would be greatly appreciated, I am really looking for feedback.

[inori]

First, the things I have to say as a moderator:
- Don't worry about the topic placement; it's fine here in General Discussion. Most anything goes in this forum. (If you want it to be moved to General Entertainment Discussion, private message me and I'll move it for you.)
- In case the idea didn't come across from Gerudo's post, we generally discourage double-posting here; please use the edit button instead.

As for the writing, I didn't go clear through it, mainly because I need to sleep now. One thing I noticed from what I did write is that it seems a bit wordy; there seems to be a lot of redundant phrases, basically repeating something that's already been said. I realize this may be intentional, considering the first-person narrative style, but I personally found it a little distracting. (But then, I find a lot of things distracting when I read...)