Take me home, Pope!

[Starkist]

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, ''You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?''
The driver is understandably hesistant and says, ''I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that.''
But the pope persists, ''Please?''
The driver finally lets up. ''Oh, all right, I can't really say no to the pope.''
So the pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100 mph in a 45 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over. The cop walks up and asks the pope to roll down the window. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.
Cop: ''Chief, I have a problem.''
Chief: ''What sort of problem?''
Cop: ''Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit but it's someone really important.''
Chief: ''Important like the mayor?''
Cop: ''No, no, much more important than that.''
Chief: ''Important like the governor?''
Cop: ''Wayyyyyy more important than that.''
Chief: ''Like the president?''
Cop: ''More.''
Chief: ''Who's more important than the president?''
Cop: ''I don't know, but he's got the pope DRIVING for him!''

[ShyGuy0824]

That was good. Unexpected. I liked it. That's why the popemobile was see-throughable (lacking adjective).

[Ganonator]

transparent? made of clear plastic?

quite interesting.. i was wondering how I would get a kick out of it, and it was very funny.. you made my night

[Jigglysaint]

Oh!, I got aother pope joke, just a sec..., but first a few tangents:

At the start of a recent ecumenical gathering, a secretary rushed in shouting, "The building is on fire!!!"

The Methodists gathered in a corner and prayed.
The Baptists cried, "Where is the water?"
The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring the fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics passed the plate round to cover the damage.
The Jews posted symbols on the doors hoping the fire would pass.
The Congregationalists shouted, "Every man for himself!"
The Fundamentalists proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God!"
The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out.
The Christian Scientists concluded that there was no fire.
The Presbyterians appointed a chair person, who was to appoint a committee
to look into the matter and submit a written report.
The Unity Students proclaimed the fire had no power over them.
The Secretary grabbed the fire extinguisher and put the fire out.
The Mormons arrived ten minutes late to the meeting, missing the fire completely!!!

A reporter once visited Billy Gramham and noticed he had a special red phone on his desk the reporter asked him about it and Billy said "It's my hotline to heaven." The reporter asked if he could make a call "sure" said Billy, "but it will cost you $10,000 dollars." The reporter next interviewed the Pope in Rome and noticed the same special red phone on his desk. When he asked the Pope said that "Is my hotline to heaven, you may make a call but it will cost you $100,000 dollars." Latter the reporter interviewed Pres. Hinkley and noticed a special red phone on his desk. He asked what it was and Pres. Hinckley said "Thats the hotline to heavan." The reporter asked if he could make a call. Pres. Hinkley said "sure". "How much will it cost me?" the reporter asked. "Twenty-five cents", "Why so little?" "It's a local call."

The Pope is sitting in his office and his secretary enters his office and says: "Um, sir I have a phone call here for you. It appears to be some good news and some bad news." "Well whats the good news?", asked the Pope. "The good news is it's Jesus Christ on the line." "Thats great! Whats the bad news?" "He's calling from Salt Lake."

Pope jokes are cool, eh?

[TheGeepster]

Gotta love religious humor.. But being a Southern Baptist, I would think our response would involve using the fire to cook the meeting meal..

Ummm, Here's one I heard (paraphrasing)

A Baptist, a Methodist, and a Catholic were out on the lake fishing when they got thirsty. Having forgotten the drinks, the Baptist got up, walked across the water, grabbed his drink and returned. The Methodist also got up, walked across the lake's surface and came back with a drink. The Catholic, seeing all this, decided he'd give it a try as well. He sank into the lake on his first stpe out. The Baptist turned to the Methodist and asked, Do you think we ought to tell him where the stepping stones are?

[Ian]

LMAO, these are all funny. Ecspecially when your half asleep.

[Aegis Runestone]

Originally posted by TheGeepster
Gotta love religious humor.. But being a Southern Baptist, I would think our response would involve using the fire to cook the meeting meal..

Ummm, Here's one I heard (paraphrasing)

A Baptist, a Methodist, and a Catholic were out on the lake fishing when they got thirsty. Having forgotten the drinks, the Baptist got up, walked across the water, grabbed his drink and returned. The Methodist also got up, walked across the lake's surface and came back with a drink. The Catholic, seeing all this, decided he'd give it a try as well. He sank into the lake on his first stpe out. The Baptist turned to the Methodist and asked, Do you think we ought to tell him where the stepping stones are?

LOL I've heard that one before! Though I think a Mormon Apostle was used instead of one of them. :)

[Ich]

A sales rep. from Budweiser shows up at the Vatican and gives the pope a proposition: "In the Lord's Prayer, where it says, 'Give us this day our daily bread,' change it to 'Give us this day our daily beer' and we will pay you 25 million dollars. The pope began shouting at him in Latin, and the man, undaunted, said "How about we change it to 35 million?" The pope shouted even faster, but the man went on. "How about 50 million?" The pope grew louder. "Okay, I can see you're not interested now, but here's my card and give me a call if you ever do become so." The pope took his card, and rushed to the nearest telephone booth, and began dialing. "Hello God? It's me, the pope. When does our contract with General Mills expire?"

[Jigglysaint]

Here's the same joke, but with a funnier twist:

A Catholic Priest, A Baptist Preacher, and a Mormon Bishop went fishing in a boat together. After awhile, the Catholic Priest ran out of bait. So he got up, stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the shore, and returned the same way with more bait. Soon after, the Mormon Bishop also ran out of bait and did the same. Finally the Baptist Preacher ran out of bait and not wanting to be out done by the other two, stepped out of the boat and immediately sank down into the water. The others grabbed him and helped him back into the boat. As they watched the cold, confused Preacher trying to figure out why he could'nt do it, the Catholic Priest finnally laughed and whispered to the Mormon Bishop, "Should we tell him about the rocks beneath the water?" The Bishop, obviously confused, said, "What rocks?"

[Starkist]

How Many Christians Does It Take to Screw in a Lightbulb

Charismatics: Only one. Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will come on and go off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the bulb and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light! bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incadescent, flourescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a light bulb?

[Jigglysaint]

Thank you Starkist for admitting that Mormons ARE Christians

[Starkist]

I just cut and pasted here, nothing said here has any bearing in debates. :tongue:

[Jigglysaint]

LOL, I was just kidding. I sometimes forget to put smilies in my posts to make it sound like I was joking.

[TheGeepster]

Nice twist there Jiggly. :)