It's been 4 years since the worst day of my life...

[Dracula]

June 13, 1999... An exact week before Father's Day... It was around the beginning of summer, so of course, I slept in... My father walked into the room to calmly wake me up... "HEY SEAN!!!" I jump, almost fell flat on my ass on the floor... He just laughs and says, "Wow, you slept like 12 hours last night..." I look at the clock, saying 11:54... I look out the window, it seemed like a huge flood from all the rain the night before...

So, it just seemed like a normal Sunday... Well, My dad worked 6 days a week, almost 10 hours a day... So, normal Sunday, I ate breakfast, It was just perfect... No problems with him, we talked about things like we always did, about the tractors we worked on, his old El Comino that he raced with, video games that we always played (Castlevania brought many memories with him), how his life was comparable to That 70's Show, basically things from his childhood and teen years...

This was around the time that I really got to know the guy well... As a kid, I remember being scared of him whenever I did something wrong, wether it was his loud roar-like yelling, or just how frickin' HUGE the guy was... (6' 4", arms that seeed to belong to a gorilla (with a little less hair)... just huge)... But when you're a good kid, he was the nicest guy...

So, we're talking, and my mom and sister come home... Since my mom and dad were seperated, my mom lived in a small apartment in town... My sister speant the night there... Since it was a week before father's day, my sister gave my dad a card early... It was cute, it said something like

"*picture of a bald guy representing a dad* Dad, I know that in the past that I made you 'lose it'... *open card* ...I decided to give it back... *a little piece of air in the middle* Happy Father's Day"...

Ok, so the guy was almost bald, but he let it poke fun at him... Well, I felt bad, since I didn't have anything yet... So, then my other sister drops by to grab a few things, since she was going out with some friends... Right after she left, my dad said "Dammit, where did Jen go?" my mom told him she left already... "Shit... I just wanted to say I love her..." The wierd thing is, that he was so nice to us that day, he just kept saying how much he loves us, especially to my mom because of the rough relationship... But he was just happy all day, it seemed perfect...

So (hmmm... how do I start this...) I guess I walked into the kitchen, I went and grabbed a Pepsi or something... My mom and dad were talking... and my mom was beginning to leave the room... So, my dad gets up from his chair... "...oh, shit..." My mom looks at him, asking what's wrong... My dad just stood there with this weird look on his face... and falls back... The entire house shook as he hit the floor, and he's just gasping for air, just laying there... My sister called 911, my dad wasn't moving... his face was turning blue... My mom tries CPR, but nothing... Because of how wet the roads were, it took really long for the Ambulence to arrive... They finally come, I tell them where he's at... I just ran into my room and started praying to God that nothing would happen... The started CPR, the tried shocking him... They carry him out on a strethcer... Right as the carry him out, my grandma from my mom's side of the family (aka the coolest grandma in the world) came to see what was going on, since my sister called her too... As soon as she saw him being carried into the ambulence, she burst into tears... The ambulence takes off, we drive off to the hospital...

We get there, we get to the ER entrance... I look into the waiting room, the paramedics were chatting, laughing, just amongst themselves... As soon as they saw us walk in, it was silence... A doctor walks up to us... "Is this the family?" so, he's explaining to us what happened, I didn't really understand, I was just waiting to hear how he's doing... The doctor ends his little explanation with "...I'm terribly sorry for your loss..." and walks back into the ER... My heart just skipped a beat as he said that, I just felt sick... How could someone seem like the happieast guy in world, and then he's gone... The rest of the day, I just sat there thinking how the hell the day could go wrong... I finally got the chance to see him... The only way I could describe it was as if he was sleeping... All of us had to head home... I didn't want to... I didn't know what I wanted to do... I just went home and cried myself to sleep...

I wake up the next moring, wondering what the hell happened... I just get up, get dressed, walked into my moms room... She's just sitting there in disbelief... I said to her "Did I just have a nightmare?" she just looks to me and says "I wanted to ask the same thing..."

[moocow]

/me gives Dracula a hug

I'm very sorry, hon :(

[Tsukuru]

I'm sorry, that's incredibly sad. Death is a horrible thing, but I guess we just have to see it as just another part of life. Were you able to move on, or is this a way of coping?

[Ian]

I'm terribly sorry :(

[Jigglysaint]

There's a quote that really touched me, although I can't remember who said it, or the exact words but it sounds like: "The end of our mortal lives is not an exclamation point, or even a period, but merely a comma."

That means that death is not the end, and I really do believe that one day, Dracula, you will see your father again and he will still be happy.

[Jemsee]

I'm sorry for you.
I have not lost my parents yet, but both are vary old.
To lose one at an early age has got to be hard.
Four years and you remember it like yesterday, that's really somthing.

[Brasel]

Sorry man...now you made me tear up.

It sounds as though he passed on good terms with everyone. That always helps I guess...

[Dogchew9]

I can imagine living in your shoes.....

[Dogchew9]

Oh i also wanted to say, I'd rather have it be a nightmare.

[Jigglysaint]

Just a friendly reminder of the edit button, Dogchew9.

Both of my parents smoke, so I can expect most of my family to be felled by lung cancer. It is really bad thinking about when your parents pass on.

[carrot red]

So sorry, Drac. You hinted about something like that once, but I never thought it would be like that. I have this uncomfortable feeling in my throat, that was very touching.

[Trevelyan_06]

Dracula,
I know how weak our words must seem, but do know that all of feel your loss. My thoughts on death might differ a little from others, but I do not think you should mourn for the lost of your father, instead you should remember the times he was with you and the fun you had. Death should be seen as a doorway, even if you aren't religous, because no one can tell what is on the other side. You should know that your father is at peace now.

[fatcatfan]

Words can't help, obviously, and it has been four years, so I hope some of the pain has subsided. I wish I could tell you I understand, but I don't, really. I've never been through it myself. My closest friend growing up lost his dad around age 14. I was a freshman in highschool then, anyway. I know how hard it was on him, but it isn't the same thing as experiencing it yourself. What I *can* say is this: I've never been particularly close to my father, or my stepfather. But I have a heavenly Father who takes care of me, and is the best daddy anyone could have.

[bigjoe]

Death is horrible. It is the reason I dont beleive in God..

I am truly sorry for your loss. Maybe one day you will be reunited with your father, somehow..

The sadness that I get when I hear of such things like this makes me wish I could travel through time and make things right. My grandmother wouldnt be dead :(

[Gerudo]

dude, you have my condolences... i love all my family very very much... and i cant imagine anyone of them leaving me... but i know evetually in my life that they will... and it scares the hell outta me...

i hope you remember all the good times you had, and how you'll be together again in the end... :)

edit: reading this then typing my response made me tear up... wow... :(

[Yoshiman]

... That sucks, even though it was 4 years ago... I have a good guess about how you felt. Even though the person I lost wasn't even human.

My dog had to be put down because her spine was cracked... When the vet said that... Damn... It sucked.

It's hard to lose a loved one. Especially so quickly like that. I feel sorry for anyone who lost someone.

[Blonde799]

Ah, losing a parent. My mother's terminally ill. You may think:"But you can still see your parents again...." Well, when they don't remember you, and the fact that you learned about your mother and father's dark past, along with being homeless, and your parents trying to kill you and other terrible things, actually losing someone ties up with just that(although what we both go through is dramatically different, thus we could never understand each other). I've known about your father for a while now, and I'm surprised that you didn't make a thread like this sooner(yes, I know of the date).

Death is a horrible thing, especially when someone you love meets up with it. But, I hope you're not spending your life feeling terribly sad Dracula, as that won't do a thing. Thinking of good memories about lost loved ones will help ease heartache. You're probably doing this already, but reassurance is a good thing. It's the only thing that's keeping me from taking a gun, and killing my mother's killer.

So go to the motivational threads in RB, and take up on them.:)

[Dracula]

Thanks, everyone, for their support... Of course I didn't spend all day moping around feeling blue... Of course, I went over and visted my dad at the cemetery... I got to talk to some family, and of course, I got to spend some time alone with him right under a maple tree... Flowers were planted there today, so it looks beautiful... I didn't just spend the entire time balling my eyes out over his grave... Of course my eyes teared up a bit, but I kept thinking about the good memories we had... Out of nowhere I'd start laughing my ass off when I remind myself of the funny memories... So, today wasn't that depressing... A sort of day of encouragement, I guess... So, other fun (heh) I got to babysit 5 kids... Yeah, fun... I had loads of fun with my niece, though... Heh, pretty soon she'll be 2 years old... It's kinda wierd to think that my dad always wanted to be a grandpa, and he's got a perfect granddaughter... She was born premature, 1 lb 13 oz... Today, she's absolutely perfect, it was like she had a guardian angel all the time ;)

So, today wasn't so depressing... Of course, we all had our tears, but we had our laughs and smiles too... We all know that he was the type of guy who didn't want to be remembered with sorrow and grief, he wanted to be remembered for happy memories and humor... Even if he had to act like a jackass in the past... Besides, most of my memories with him were happy ones, so it kindamade it easier... So, again, I wanna thank everyone for their support... :)

I also want to point out that, in a dark humor sense I guess, that it's actually pretty cool, knowing that my dad's last words were "...oh, shit..." :shrug: If anyone should have their last words, it should really reflect on their personality... His last words really did so...

[Elena]

im terribly sorry dracula.losing someone is never easy.espeically if its someone you love dearly.just be glad he passed on loving everyone.and keep praying.about everything.its good to let it out and share things like that with people.i hope your ok.