carrot red
06-05-2003, 10:17 AM
Answering Machine Messages Therapy
Enjoy.
-“Hi! Jan's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.”
-“Hi. I'm probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.”
-“This is not an answering machine this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.”
-“Hi. This is Kevin and Diana's vacuum cleaner. Their appliances have switched jobs again, and I get to answer the phone 'cause my old job sucked. So leave a message after you hear the beep, and you can be sure it's in the bag.”
-“You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone, you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.”
-“ Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.”
-“Hi, you've reached Jim's answering machine. Jimmy isn't home right now, but whatever you have to say to him, you can tell me. We're VERY close and we tell each other everything.”
-“You've reached the home of the greatest psychic on earth. Since I already know who you are and why you've called, please hang up after the beep tone.”
-"Speak, worm!"
-“Hi you've reached the home of Ida & Alan also known as 007 agents. If you get this machine, we are probably saving the world. This tape will self destruct in 5...4...3...2...1... (BEEP).”
-“You've called our number, but we don't care. If we did, we'd be here. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll call you back, when you’re not home.”
-“Hi, I am a machine. Why do you hate talking to me? I never hurt anyone. Can we talk after the beep?””
-“How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you...”
-"Hi, this is Jackie, it hurts me inside to know I missed your call...OUCH. Leave your painful message after the beep."
-“Oh my, my life is so boring as an answering machine. My owners’ life is so much better and that’s why they're not here. All I can say is leave me a message and I'll THINK about giving it to the owners.”
-“Hi, This is Jenny. Press 1 if you are going to ask me out, 2 if you want to apologize for something, 3 if you just called to say I am a princess, and 4 if you are going to say something else (Will be automatically deleted!) Thanks.”
Enjoy.
-“Hi! Jan's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.”
-“Hi. I'm probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.”
-“This is not an answering machine this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.”
-“Hi. This is Kevin and Diana's vacuum cleaner. Their appliances have switched jobs again, and I get to answer the phone 'cause my old job sucked. So leave a message after you hear the beep, and you can be sure it's in the bag.”
-“You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone, you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.”
-“ Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.”
-“Hi, you've reached Jim's answering machine. Jimmy isn't home right now, but whatever you have to say to him, you can tell me. We're VERY close and we tell each other everything.”
-“You've reached the home of the greatest psychic on earth. Since I already know who you are and why you've called, please hang up after the beep tone.”
-"Speak, worm!"
-“Hi you've reached the home of Ida & Alan also known as 007 agents. If you get this machine, we are probably saving the world. This tape will self destruct in 5...4...3...2...1... (BEEP).”
-“You've called our number, but we don't care. If we did, we'd be here. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll call you back, when you’re not home.”
-“Hi, I am a machine. Why do you hate talking to me? I never hurt anyone. Can we talk after the beep?””
-“How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you...”
-"Hi, this is Jackie, it hurts me inside to know I missed your call...OUCH. Leave your painful message after the beep."
-“Oh my, my life is so boring as an answering machine. My owners’ life is so much better and that’s why they're not here. All I can say is leave me a message and I'll THINK about giving it to the owners.”
-“Hi, This is Jenny. Press 1 if you are going to ask me out, 2 if you want to apologize for something, 3 if you just called to say I am a princess, and 4 if you are going to say something else (Will be automatically deleted!) Thanks.”