The Desperado
05-28-2003, 11:34 PM
This is my story. Laugh at will.
Raised on a farm with a good but mentally unstable family. I can’t bitch too much, I’m not all there myself.
I don’t remember the first time I met Elizabeth. She was just always there. She was in my grade at school. I never really gave her much thought until one day she walked into my 6th grade class. I don’t know what it was, perhaps a new haircut or something, but my eyes followed her all the way from the door to her seat. Being only in 6th grade, I really didn’t understand the emotions I felt at the time. Hormones officially suck. But either way, I knew I wanted to “go out” with her. After checking my breath and straightening my hair, I walked meekishly toward her at recess.
“Hey, you wanna go out?” I asked, trying to sound studdly. I was shaking my high tops, no matter how confident it may have seemed. To my great relief, she actually said yes.
Elementary school romances are kinda funny in a way. We take them so seriously at the time, but when we look back at them, we realize how big of losers we were.
After being seen holding hands, our relationship was all over the school by lunch. I didn’t care in the slightest, I was happy as hell.
I don’t remember what time of year it was when I asked her, but it must have been toward the end of year. Elizabeth and I both went on the 6th grade trip to Washington D.C. for a week, and then we broke it off at the end of the year. Not because of any disagreement, but simply cause it was summer, and we’d never see each other.
We didn’t reconcile our relationship when we returned for 7th grade. I’m not sure why. I still had a crush on her. Maybe I was just too cocky, I got that way in Junior High through freshman year.
Elizabeth got really sick freshman year. She doesn’t like to talk about it, understandably. She became anorexic, and I was worried to death. She looked like a walking skeleton. I wanted to do something, but didn’t know what to do. I guess I was afraid that if I pushed my way into her business, she would resent me for it.
That’s about the time I realized that I loved her. Sounds corny, I know. But I never worried over someone like that. I would see her everyday in French class and everyday she would look a little worse. It tore me up inside. The girl I loved was slowly wasting away, and there was nothing I could do.
Then one day, I saw her in the hall, and she looked better. Compared to the day before, appearance wise, you couldn’t tell. I could just tell by the look on her face. I’m not saying that one day she just snapped out of it. It doesn’t work that way. But I just got the feeling that everything was going to be ok. And eventually, it was.
So then comes the big moment. I was positive how I felt about her, and I knew I had to try to get her to feel the same. So I dropped the cocky football jock persona (resulting in the loss of a couple friends), knowing she wouldn’t go for that. She deserved much better than that anyways.
“So, you wanna go see a movie or something?” I’m sure it didn’t come out like that. More like, “So, wanna you see something, movie, you like movie?” Either way, I got a yes out of it. I think I danced in my room all night that night. My brother probably thought I had finally lost it.
I honestly didn’t sleep the night before our date. I was petrified. Thousands of different scenarios ran through my head of how I would end up embarrassing myself, or her. I washed the outfit I was planning on wearing (my favorite jeans, and this badass green shirt that I eventually lost. I think she stole it.) twice before I deemed it clean enough.
I think her mom picked me up at 6:45. The movie was at 7:30. I don’t remember what movie we watched (strangely enough). Not that I paid attention to the movie anyways. I did the whole acting like I’m stretching, then placing my arm around her. I didn’t get the balls to do it until the last 15 minutes of the movie, but I didn’t get an objection, so I was happy.
I had this little, smooth plan on how I was going to get my first kiss. I told her mom the wrong time to pick us up, that way I had time to talk to her before her mom showed up. I made sure I had a quarter in my pocket too. Here was the plan, I was going to act bored and start flipping the coin. Eventually, I’d start making stupid little bets with her on wither it would land on heads or tails. Then, I’d say in a sexy voice, “How’s this? If it lands on tails, you have to get me a kiss.” (Waits for laughter to cease.)
And just my luck, what did it land on, heads. Fucking heads! I tried to hide it, but I was pissed. God was against me on this one, I was sure. But then she said…
“How about I give you a kiss anyways?”
The second large pole in front of Sears at Indian Mound Mall. That’s where I kissed her for the first time. I remember it every time I walk by. She was slightly shorter than me, so I had to lean down. And yes, since God was against me, we ended up bumping noses the first try. The second one turned out better. Much better.
We were a couple for 6 months, almost to the day. I never remember being as happy. For the record, we never had sex. We decided we were going to wait until I got my license before we considered doing something like that. (This will be important later, remember that.) But sex didn’t matter to me. I know every guy says that, but I mean it. I remember sitting out on this swing she had in her backyard at night, just holding each other and kissing her lips. Sex couldn’t compare to that.
About mid October is when I found out that my parents were getting divorced. I knew it was coming, but its worse when it actually happens. I had a lot of mental buildup at the time. And with everything with my family going on, I was angry. I was angry at everything but Elizabeth. She was the one thing in my life that could get me through.
But, I couldn’t control myself. I hated everything and I wanted to hurt everything. It was November 2nd I believe when I made the most controversial decision of my life. I still don’t know if it was for the better or worse.
I didn’t want to hurt Elizabeth. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did. So I decided to end our relationship before I got the chance to.
Apparently the word got around that I was going to break up with her. Though I didn’t know it, she already knew when I called her that night. That explained why she didn’t seem surprised or even effected by it. I hung up the phone and cried.
I didn’t go to school the next day. I told everyone that it was family issues, but I really couldn’t stand to see her. When I did go back to school, I avoided her. Now that I look back, it must have made me look like a major ass. Of course, I felt like one.
We didn’t really talk much over the next two years. We meet on a few occasions. Her mom became very sick and a local radio station had a support show in town for her to round up some funds. I’ve never admitted it to anyone before, but I emptied out my savings account. Only $150, but everything I had.
Her Dad died of cancer the next year. I went to the funeral. I don’t know if she just didn’t expect to see me there or what, but I’ll always remember her face when I walked in. She came over and I gave her a hug for like 5 minutes. I don’t think we talked the entire time we were holding on. I don’t think we needed too.
It was later that summer that we were both working at Velvet Ice Cream. Her boyfriend (a friend of mine actually) worked there too. In short, I tried to win her back. Didn’t work out. At all. Lost a friend out of it too.
I also found out that she believed the reason I broke up with her was over sex. Or lack of, for that matter. Quite frankly, that hurt more than anything in the world. The fact that she thought I hated her over something so shallow. I sat down with her and talked to her about it, explained that I broke up with cause I didn’t want to end up hurting her, even though I ended up doing that anyways. I don’t know wither she believes me or not, but it’s the truth, and that’s all I can offer.
So now it’s been a year since I graduated high school, and I’m stuck in the same position I’ve always been in. But maybe this time, I have a chance. We’re both working at Velvet again, and going to school at the same community college. We see each other all the time, which is a torture as much as it is a delight. She’s single, and I’m single. (I’ve dated since we broke up, but they’ve never went anywhere.)
I wasn’t planning on trying anything with her this time. Mainly cause of the train wreck before. But one day, a mutual friend mentioned that Elizabeth had feelings for me. Everyone knows how I feel about Elizabeth. That’s no secret. But no one had ever said anything about how she felt about me. But, I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I only end up hurting myself when I do that.
But then, one of my best friends said he heard it from her own mouth. Well, I had to do something now. I had to take a chance. And I knew just when.
My friend was having a party I knew Elizabeth was planning on attending. So I figured that I’d pull her off to the side and talk to her.
She showed, then left. She went to another party where she had sex with some loser. I didn’t find out till the next Monday. I was messed up. I skipped all my classes and went and bought shit to make myself feel better (I’m a girl, I know.) It didn’t help.
So I moped around for 2 weeks, feeling all shity and depressed. And, I had to work with her all the time, so that sucked major ass. The fact that she would choose some stupid idiot over me made me feel like the biggest loser in the world.
In an attempt to make me feel better, my friend has set me up on date with this girl he knows on Friday. I really didn’t want to go, not really up for it, but I agreed.
Then, something strange happened. I was working with Elizabeth yesterday, and she asked what I was doing Saturday. “Nothing.”
“Well, I’m going to go get another piercing in my ear. You wanna come?”
Role change. I’m the one that always asks her to do shit. She never asks me. So what the fuck is going on? And she made sure I was going to be at a party on Thursday night. AND…wanted to make sure I was going to church on Sunday, cause she was going.
So now I’m confused. She says she likes me, then acts like she doesn’t, then kinda acts like she does.
All I know is that she is the one I’ve always imagined myself growing old with. Moocow can vouch for that. I’m always talking about her. I’m not one to use the word love lightly. So when I say I love Elizabeth, I mean it with all my heart. She’s the only one that’s ever made me happy, and the only one that could ever make me cry.
So here’s the plan, Tomorrow night (Thursday) I’m going to this party with all this luggage, and I’m leaving it there. Wither she returns my love or not, I don’t know. But I can’t go on like this.
So here’s to love, fate, and giving it your all. Wish me luck, or wish me dead. This might be the end of this story, or just the beginning. Either way…
“To be continued.”
Raised on a farm with a good but mentally unstable family. I can’t bitch too much, I’m not all there myself.
I don’t remember the first time I met Elizabeth. She was just always there. She was in my grade at school. I never really gave her much thought until one day she walked into my 6th grade class. I don’t know what it was, perhaps a new haircut or something, but my eyes followed her all the way from the door to her seat. Being only in 6th grade, I really didn’t understand the emotions I felt at the time. Hormones officially suck. But either way, I knew I wanted to “go out” with her. After checking my breath and straightening my hair, I walked meekishly toward her at recess.
“Hey, you wanna go out?” I asked, trying to sound studdly. I was shaking my high tops, no matter how confident it may have seemed. To my great relief, she actually said yes.
Elementary school romances are kinda funny in a way. We take them so seriously at the time, but when we look back at them, we realize how big of losers we were.
After being seen holding hands, our relationship was all over the school by lunch. I didn’t care in the slightest, I was happy as hell.
I don’t remember what time of year it was when I asked her, but it must have been toward the end of year. Elizabeth and I both went on the 6th grade trip to Washington D.C. for a week, and then we broke it off at the end of the year. Not because of any disagreement, but simply cause it was summer, and we’d never see each other.
We didn’t reconcile our relationship when we returned for 7th grade. I’m not sure why. I still had a crush on her. Maybe I was just too cocky, I got that way in Junior High through freshman year.
Elizabeth got really sick freshman year. She doesn’t like to talk about it, understandably. She became anorexic, and I was worried to death. She looked like a walking skeleton. I wanted to do something, but didn’t know what to do. I guess I was afraid that if I pushed my way into her business, she would resent me for it.
That’s about the time I realized that I loved her. Sounds corny, I know. But I never worried over someone like that. I would see her everyday in French class and everyday she would look a little worse. It tore me up inside. The girl I loved was slowly wasting away, and there was nothing I could do.
Then one day, I saw her in the hall, and she looked better. Compared to the day before, appearance wise, you couldn’t tell. I could just tell by the look on her face. I’m not saying that one day she just snapped out of it. It doesn’t work that way. But I just got the feeling that everything was going to be ok. And eventually, it was.
So then comes the big moment. I was positive how I felt about her, and I knew I had to try to get her to feel the same. So I dropped the cocky football jock persona (resulting in the loss of a couple friends), knowing she wouldn’t go for that. She deserved much better than that anyways.
“So, you wanna go see a movie or something?” I’m sure it didn’t come out like that. More like, “So, wanna you see something, movie, you like movie?” Either way, I got a yes out of it. I think I danced in my room all night that night. My brother probably thought I had finally lost it.
I honestly didn’t sleep the night before our date. I was petrified. Thousands of different scenarios ran through my head of how I would end up embarrassing myself, or her. I washed the outfit I was planning on wearing (my favorite jeans, and this badass green shirt that I eventually lost. I think she stole it.) twice before I deemed it clean enough.
I think her mom picked me up at 6:45. The movie was at 7:30. I don’t remember what movie we watched (strangely enough). Not that I paid attention to the movie anyways. I did the whole acting like I’m stretching, then placing my arm around her. I didn’t get the balls to do it until the last 15 minutes of the movie, but I didn’t get an objection, so I was happy.
I had this little, smooth plan on how I was going to get my first kiss. I told her mom the wrong time to pick us up, that way I had time to talk to her before her mom showed up. I made sure I had a quarter in my pocket too. Here was the plan, I was going to act bored and start flipping the coin. Eventually, I’d start making stupid little bets with her on wither it would land on heads or tails. Then, I’d say in a sexy voice, “How’s this? If it lands on tails, you have to get me a kiss.” (Waits for laughter to cease.)
And just my luck, what did it land on, heads. Fucking heads! I tried to hide it, but I was pissed. God was against me on this one, I was sure. But then she said…
“How about I give you a kiss anyways?”
The second large pole in front of Sears at Indian Mound Mall. That’s where I kissed her for the first time. I remember it every time I walk by. She was slightly shorter than me, so I had to lean down. And yes, since God was against me, we ended up bumping noses the first try. The second one turned out better. Much better.
We were a couple for 6 months, almost to the day. I never remember being as happy. For the record, we never had sex. We decided we were going to wait until I got my license before we considered doing something like that. (This will be important later, remember that.) But sex didn’t matter to me. I know every guy says that, but I mean it. I remember sitting out on this swing she had in her backyard at night, just holding each other and kissing her lips. Sex couldn’t compare to that.
About mid October is when I found out that my parents were getting divorced. I knew it was coming, but its worse when it actually happens. I had a lot of mental buildup at the time. And with everything with my family going on, I was angry. I was angry at everything but Elizabeth. She was the one thing in my life that could get me through.
But, I couldn’t control myself. I hated everything and I wanted to hurt everything. It was November 2nd I believe when I made the most controversial decision of my life. I still don’t know if it was for the better or worse.
I didn’t want to hurt Elizabeth. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did. So I decided to end our relationship before I got the chance to.
Apparently the word got around that I was going to break up with her. Though I didn’t know it, she already knew when I called her that night. That explained why she didn’t seem surprised or even effected by it. I hung up the phone and cried.
I didn’t go to school the next day. I told everyone that it was family issues, but I really couldn’t stand to see her. When I did go back to school, I avoided her. Now that I look back, it must have made me look like a major ass. Of course, I felt like one.
We didn’t really talk much over the next two years. We meet on a few occasions. Her mom became very sick and a local radio station had a support show in town for her to round up some funds. I’ve never admitted it to anyone before, but I emptied out my savings account. Only $150, but everything I had.
Her Dad died of cancer the next year. I went to the funeral. I don’t know if she just didn’t expect to see me there or what, but I’ll always remember her face when I walked in. She came over and I gave her a hug for like 5 minutes. I don’t think we talked the entire time we were holding on. I don’t think we needed too.
It was later that summer that we were both working at Velvet Ice Cream. Her boyfriend (a friend of mine actually) worked there too. In short, I tried to win her back. Didn’t work out. At all. Lost a friend out of it too.
I also found out that she believed the reason I broke up with her was over sex. Or lack of, for that matter. Quite frankly, that hurt more than anything in the world. The fact that she thought I hated her over something so shallow. I sat down with her and talked to her about it, explained that I broke up with cause I didn’t want to end up hurting her, even though I ended up doing that anyways. I don’t know wither she believes me or not, but it’s the truth, and that’s all I can offer.
So now it’s been a year since I graduated high school, and I’m stuck in the same position I’ve always been in. But maybe this time, I have a chance. We’re both working at Velvet again, and going to school at the same community college. We see each other all the time, which is a torture as much as it is a delight. She’s single, and I’m single. (I’ve dated since we broke up, but they’ve never went anywhere.)
I wasn’t planning on trying anything with her this time. Mainly cause of the train wreck before. But one day, a mutual friend mentioned that Elizabeth had feelings for me. Everyone knows how I feel about Elizabeth. That’s no secret. But no one had ever said anything about how she felt about me. But, I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I only end up hurting myself when I do that.
But then, one of my best friends said he heard it from her own mouth. Well, I had to do something now. I had to take a chance. And I knew just when.
My friend was having a party I knew Elizabeth was planning on attending. So I figured that I’d pull her off to the side and talk to her.
She showed, then left. She went to another party where she had sex with some loser. I didn’t find out till the next Monday. I was messed up. I skipped all my classes and went and bought shit to make myself feel better (I’m a girl, I know.) It didn’t help.
So I moped around for 2 weeks, feeling all shity and depressed. And, I had to work with her all the time, so that sucked major ass. The fact that she would choose some stupid idiot over me made me feel like the biggest loser in the world.
In an attempt to make me feel better, my friend has set me up on date with this girl he knows on Friday. I really didn’t want to go, not really up for it, but I agreed.
Then, something strange happened. I was working with Elizabeth yesterday, and she asked what I was doing Saturday. “Nothing.”
“Well, I’m going to go get another piercing in my ear. You wanna come?”
Role change. I’m the one that always asks her to do shit. She never asks me. So what the fuck is going on? And she made sure I was going to be at a party on Thursday night. AND…wanted to make sure I was going to church on Sunday, cause she was going.
So now I’m confused. She says she likes me, then acts like she doesn’t, then kinda acts like she does.
All I know is that she is the one I’ve always imagined myself growing old with. Moocow can vouch for that. I’m always talking about her. I’m not one to use the word love lightly. So when I say I love Elizabeth, I mean it with all my heart. She’s the only one that’s ever made me happy, and the only one that could ever make me cry.
So here’s the plan, Tomorrow night (Thursday) I’m going to this party with all this luggage, and I’m leaving it there. Wither she returns my love or not, I don’t know. But I can’t go on like this.
So here’s to love, fate, and giving it your all. Wish me luck, or wish me dead. This might be the end of this story, or just the beginning. Either way…
“To be continued.”