Bel flips out? Or, banana lunch meets its doom

[Beldaran]

My Special Story

Jim Linnergins walked all the way home from school only to be eaten to death by a monster. The monster came from the sewers, and it's name was Alfred Smack. Alfred Smack ate Jim Linnergins as a symbolic protest against the objectification of monsters as portrayed in modern art. While in his belly, Jim Linnergins whipped out his magical banjo and played a rattling song, singing the words in falsetto;

"Yee haw, I am a saw"
"I sing all day, sing my nipples raw!"

At the pronunciation of the word "nipples", his butt cheeks came to life and clapped the symbols of logicistical doom. WHAM! Poetry in motion. I have lotion stuck in my ears can some one please eat my BROOM SHAVINGS WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!:odd:

[Gerudo]

what... the... fuck...?

have you gone mad?

[carrot red]

Bel flips out? That's an understatement.
What's the cause of this state? Is there one?

[Tudorcat]

Entertaining but very strange. Say have you eaten to many of those starburst candys lately Bel?. Mystery flavoured ones maybe?

:kitty:

[Beldaran]

[just felt the urge to release my inner randomness]

Introduction

My name is Alfred Jiggles and I was commissioned by the state deparment to impart to you great secrets about modern society; everything in the world is controlled by a mysterious life force at the center of the planet. We refer to this energy field, which binds us together, as "The Mystic banana". [note: Capitalizing "banana" is a capital punishment in two of the lower forty-eight states]

The following story is completely true. The characters are made up, and the events never happened, and I took artistic license with the linguistic style, but other than that, EVERYTHING REALLY HAPPENED. I can only hope that revealing these things now can heal the wounds inflicted upon our society by that rat bastard of eternity, Father Time. DIE FATHER TIME!

Chapter 1: The Maltese Nose Hair

It was a dark, smokey bar in the middle of the night. You could tell it was a real "noir" style scene because you are seeing in black and white. Outside, a crash of lightning illuminates the interior for an instant. We take in as much as we can in that instant, our eyes passing over the random bits of casual furnishings and bar what have you's, but our attention is drawn to the clown slumped over at the piano. We can hear a soft tune playing, although it's only in our heads for ambient effect. It's working. You are vaguely wierded out and intellectually stimulated at the same time. Another crash of lightning and we see a sillouhette in the doorway. It's H. Bogart, come to act cool. He steps in. His nametag reads, "Harvey Bogart, Humphrey's cheap knockoff". He's a knockoff. He's cheap too. He's a cheap knockoff.

He comes in and pours himself a glass of window cleaner, and splashes some cognac on the wall. One leg of his pants is pink, but you can't tell because you're seeing in black and white. He slams his glass on the table.

"Where are you, damn it!" he exclaimes irritably. The music fades out, then fades back in. It's a short minor key bit played by an accordion, with a trumpet on top. Our scene fades out.

Chapter 2: Indigo Regrets Haunt my Mortgage Payments

Indigo regrets haunt my mortgage payments, or so I told my wife. She didn't much care, until I told her about my dream with the dead clown, the man with the pink pant leg, and the glass of window cleaner. We're getting divorced later this year. Oh, we agreed not to, of course, but I bet we will. I'll run away if we dont'. She's so mean.

I get up and exit the garage. It's a hot afternoon, and I need to mow the lawn. I don't really care, though because I like mowing the lawn when it's hot. I can come inside and sweat all over the place, leaving my grassy, engine oil stink on the chairs. I like that because when my wife's friend's come over they wrinkle their noses. It's funny. Anyway, this time I have a suprise.

The lawn mower has been retrofitted with the cover to this months playbor, standing out proudly on the top of the engine. When my wife get's home, she'll be torn with indecision. Do I reward him for mowing the lawn on such a hot day? Or do I get mad at him for owning a playboy? I am fully confident that this ploy will cause a rift in the space time oumolette of mispelling and I will die a happy death at the hands of my own artistic insensibilities and typo's.

[/just felt the urge to release my inner randomness]

[carrot red]

lol Another one of your writer/friends? Better than the ninja one, though I see similitude in the ravings, but without the gore.

I still don't get the meaning of this spilling of inner randomness.:shrug:

[moocow]

....

Beldaran?

You gonna be okay, honey? Should we seek some professional help?

Dr. Kovorkian, maybe? (or... how was that spelled? The doctor that helped old people kill themselves :p)

[Tygore]

Kevorkian

No, I think keeping him here will work. He'll fit in...

[Beldaran]

Originally posted by carrot red
Better than the ninja one, though

Dude, I didn't write those.:eyebrow:

[Link 101]

Yeah, he said that before, he got them off of some guy's site. That was just plain weird. I see why you named the thread "Bel flips out?"

[Pablo]

/me waits for the social workers to take Bel away

Seriously man, you'll be okay. They're nice at the institution.

[Yoshiman]

Link101- Bel is short for Beldaran.

I think you've had one too many drinks.

[SquishyMon]

Did you ever hear the one about the potty monster...

[carrot red]

Originally posted by Beldaran


Dude, I didn't write those.:eyebrow:
Geez, you already told me that once, I'm not that thick.
I was talking about the "kick your mom in the face" ninja.
I did mention the word friend.
The though after the comma here was meant as even though.


Originally posted by pablo882
/me waits for the social workers to take Bel away

You're in for a long wait.


Originally posted by Yoshiman
Link101- Bel is short for Beldaran.

I think you've had one too many drinks.
Yoshiman, read the title again. Link was quoting what Beldaran wrote with a question mark. Everybody knows he's Bel.
I just call him *Beld* to spite him.:tongue: