carrot red
05-04-2003, 07:17 PM
Having been denied my Gloat Zone Forum and not being a big debater, I decided to let you all benefit from my outstanding and extensive expertise in the above mentioned field.
Since courses seem to be in demand, I put together a little glossary to help you people understand the mechanics of my domain of expertise a little better.
So, without further ado, here it is:
COMPUTER & INTERNET DEFINITIONS
Software Upgrade:
A replacement of old bugs with new bugs.
Computer:
A device designed to speed and automate errors.
SQWERTY :
Computer keyboard sized down for use by children.
Keystroke:
When only one side of your keyboard functions.
Megahertz :
What you feel when a computer drops on your foot.
Menu Bar:
Where menus go for a good time.
Link Rot:
The process by which links on a web page became as obsolete as the sites they're connected to change location or die.
Chip Jewelry:
A euphemism for old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into decorative ornaments.
Crapplet:
A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet.
Plug-and-Play:
A new hire who doesn't need any training
CGI Joe:
A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.
Under Mouse Arrest :
Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct.
404:
Someone who's clueless.
Egosurfing:
Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for the mention of your name.
Graybar Land:
The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen).
Cobweb Site:
A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time. A dead web page.
Keyboard Plaque:
The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
Bookmark:
To take note of a person for future reference.
Nyetscape:
Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.
COMPUTER & INTERNET ACRONYMS
PCMCIA:
People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms.
ISDN:
It Still Does Nothing.
APPLE:
Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity.
SCSI:
System Can't See It.
BASIC:
Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control.
DOS:
Defunct Operating System.
IBM:
I Blame Microsoft.
CD-ROM:
Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months.
OS/2:
Obsolete Soon, Too.
MACINTOSH:
Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs.
AOL:
America OnLine: An organization set up to give Internet users someone to make ethnic jokes about.
Since courses seem to be in demand, I put together a little glossary to help you people understand the mechanics of my domain of expertise a little better.
So, without further ado, here it is:
COMPUTER & INTERNET DEFINITIONS
Software Upgrade:
A replacement of old bugs with new bugs.
Computer:
A device designed to speed and automate errors.
SQWERTY :
Computer keyboard sized down for use by children.
Keystroke:
When only one side of your keyboard functions.
Megahertz :
What you feel when a computer drops on your foot.
Menu Bar:
Where menus go for a good time.
Link Rot:
The process by which links on a web page became as obsolete as the sites they're connected to change location or die.
Chip Jewelry:
A euphemism for old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into decorative ornaments.
Crapplet:
A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet.
Plug-and-Play:
A new hire who doesn't need any training
CGI Joe:
A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.
Under Mouse Arrest :
Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct.
404:
Someone who's clueless.
Egosurfing:
Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for the mention of your name.
Graybar Land:
The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen).
Cobweb Site:
A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time. A dead web page.
Keyboard Plaque:
The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
Bookmark:
To take note of a person for future reference.
Nyetscape:
Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.
COMPUTER & INTERNET ACRONYMS
PCMCIA:
People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms.
ISDN:
It Still Does Nothing.
APPLE:
Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity.
SCSI:
System Can't See It.
BASIC:
Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control.
DOS:
Defunct Operating System.
IBM:
I Blame Microsoft.
CD-ROM:
Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months.
OS/2:
Obsolete Soon, Too.
MACINTOSH:
Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs.
AOL:
America OnLine: An organization set up to give Internet users someone to make ethnic jokes about.