Need advice. Yah or Nay

[The Desperado]

Wrote a poem for the ending of my book, but i dont know if its good or not. Any feedback would be great.


You always held me up,
Even when I was wrong,
We together,
Sang the same fucking song,

You were the reason,
I could make it through the day,
You stood by my side,
No matter what anyone would say,

You always had my back,
And you always had my trust,
Every memory,
Is just a picture of us,

You never let me down,
And you never would give up,
Having you as a friend,
Was a great strike of luck,

You could always read my mind,
Knew what I was gonna do,
Everything I see,
Is a memory of you,

With you I never,
Had to hide what I thought,
With you I never,
Had to play a fucking part,

You loved me as I am,
And I loved you as you were,
Your friendly laughter,
Was my troubled minds cure,

I’m sorry that I,
Could not be as good of friend as you,
Now that you’re gone,
I don’t know what I’m gonna do,

But I know your still by my side,
And you’re always in my heart,
But my world seems to be,
fallin’ apart,

I wish you were here,
To tell me it’s ok,
And help me through,
This long, cold day,

But you’re far away from here,
Probably in a better place,
But I’d still give anything,
Just to see your face,

To hear you tell a joke,
Or at least try to,
Tell me that I’m dumb,
Or what I need to do,

But it’s all over now,
I just hope that you knew,
I’m a better person,
Just for knowing you.

[Gerudo]

thats very good

nice work :)

[moocow]

Wow, Jordan. That is awesome. You did a great job on that!

*hugs*

[carrot red]

Very touching indeed. You have my vote.


But if you're really serious about printing it, correct some minor typing errors:
"Stroke" of luck.
"mind's" cure.
as good "a" friend
"you're" still by my side

Well done again!

[J.J. Maxx]

Yah. :thumbsup:

[Clueless Blonde]

Stupendous! :D

[Drunken Tiger]

:thumbsup:

That was very well done... I can see that you are very talented in this field!!

[Ultra22Lemming]

I wrong a limerick like a year ago and here it is:

There once were some rats and mice,
Who lived off of food like rice.
Then along came a dog,
Who ate them like a hog,
And said "Ruff! That was nice!"

[Drunken Tiger]

Ummmmm...... thats nice too.... :scared:


*prolonged use of AGN*


Take breaks regularly!!

[CrAcKeR]

i like poems..i can write poems..ill share one with u later when i think of one

[moon_princess]

That's a pretty cool poem, but what's the book about? If it goes along with it, keep it.

[Jemsee]

Drop the word "fucking" in the first verse.
As an adjective it adds nothing to it.

[The Desperado]

I want the word "fucking" because the story is about two best friends, and thats the way they talk to eachother. This poem is from one to the other.

[Mander]

It is sad but beautiful.

[KJAZZ]

Wow..very good..;)


Originally posted by Ultra22Lemming
I wrong a limerick like a year ago and here it is:

There once were some rats and mice,
Who lived off of food like rice.
Then along came a dog,
Who ate them like a hog,
And said "Ruff! That was nice!"

...

Any poem that starts with "There once was.." shouldn't be said.