Ganonator
01-10-2003, 04:03 AM
1. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
2. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
3. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
4. If you said you were from South America, I would not Bolivia.
5. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
6. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
9. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
10. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
11. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
12. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
13. A girl and her boyfriend went to a party as a barcode. They were an item.
14. Every calendar's days are numbered.
15. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
16. She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.
17. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
18. A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
19. I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.
20. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
21. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
22. If we don't conserve water we could go from one ex-stream to another.
23. When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.
24. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
25. Ancient orators tended to Babylon.
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.
28. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
29. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
30. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
31. Old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.
32. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
33. Old power plant workers never die they just de-generate.
34. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
35. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
36. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
37. An auctioneer often looks forbidding.
38. It wasn't school John disliked it was just the principal of it.
39. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
40. It's better to love a short girl than not a tall.
41. Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.
42. Some Spanish government employees are Seville servants.
43. He wears glasses during math because it improves divison.
44. When cannibals ate a missionary they got a taste of religion.
45. In democracy its your vote that counts. In feudalism its your count that votes.
46. Girls who don't get asked out as often as their friends could feel out-dated.
47. To some - marriage is a word ... to others - a sentence.
48. When the glassblower inhaled he got a pane in the stomach.
49. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
50. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
51. A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.
52. A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
53. A backwards poet writes inverse.
54. If you give some managers an inch they think they're a ruler.
55. When a college dormitory exploded a lot of roomers were flying.
56. The poet had written better poems, but he'd also written verse.
57. Some burglars are always looking for windows of opportunity.
58. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.
59. Dermatologists often make rash statements.
60. Nylons give women a run for their money.
61. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
62. A circus lion won't eat clowns because they taste funny.
63. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
64. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
65. The cowboy reached for his gun and then drew a blank.
66. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
67. Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
68. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
69. Tennis players don't marry because Love means Nothing to them.
70. Chronic illegal parkers suffer from parking zones disease.
71. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
72. Driving on so many turnpikes was taking its toll.
73. When chemists die, we barium.
74. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was intense.
75. If a lawyer can be disbarred can a musician be denoted or a model deposed?
76. How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.
77. The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card.
78. Show me someone in denial and I'll show you a person in Egypt up to their ankles.
79. A reporter was at an ice cream store getting the scoop.
80. Two mining companies merged and became alloys.
81. Will this computer last five years? Obsoletely!
82. A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
83. A ditch digger was entrenched in his career.
84. Waiting for her photos to be developed a young girl sang 'Some day my prints will come.'
85. Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
86. During branding cowboys have sore calves.
87. Where there are many chickens you can find layers of eggs.
88. Those who sell topsoil have definitely hit pay dirt.
89. There is some Confucion about the oldest religion in China.
90. The survival rate after a fall into a deep hole is abyssmal.
91. An office with many people and few electrical outlets could be in for a power struggle.
92. Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
93. He tried to play the shoehorn but got only footnotes.
94. Old programmers never die, they just can't C as well.
95. Old skiers never die -- they just go down hill.
96. Alcohol and calculus don't mix so don't drink and derive.
97. Pour hot water down a rabbit hole and you get a hot cross bunny.
98. Our cat is finally house broken - litterly.
99. To learn rope tricks you have to be taut.
100. The bear went over the mountain to see what was bruin.
If you are sick and want more, there's these and others at www.punoftheday.com. :kawaii:
2. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
3. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
4. If you said you were from South America, I would not Bolivia.
5. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
6. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
9. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
10. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
11. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
12. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
13. A girl and her boyfriend went to a party as a barcode. They were an item.
14. Every calendar's days are numbered.
15. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
16. She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.
17. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
18. A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
19. I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.
20. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
21. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
22. If we don't conserve water we could go from one ex-stream to another.
23. When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.
24. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
25. Ancient orators tended to Babylon.
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.
28. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
29. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
30. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
31. Old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.
32. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
33. Old power plant workers never die they just de-generate.
34. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
35. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
36. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
37. An auctioneer often looks forbidding.
38. It wasn't school John disliked it was just the principal of it.
39. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
40. It's better to love a short girl than not a tall.
41. Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.
42. Some Spanish government employees are Seville servants.
43. He wears glasses during math because it improves divison.
44. When cannibals ate a missionary they got a taste of religion.
45. In democracy its your vote that counts. In feudalism its your count that votes.
46. Girls who don't get asked out as often as their friends could feel out-dated.
47. To some - marriage is a word ... to others - a sentence.
48. When the glassblower inhaled he got a pane in the stomach.
49. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
50. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
51. A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.
52. A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
53. A backwards poet writes inverse.
54. If you give some managers an inch they think they're a ruler.
55. When a college dormitory exploded a lot of roomers were flying.
56. The poet had written better poems, but he'd also written verse.
57. Some burglars are always looking for windows of opportunity.
58. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.
59. Dermatologists often make rash statements.
60. Nylons give women a run for their money.
61. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
62. A circus lion won't eat clowns because they taste funny.
63. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
64. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
65. The cowboy reached for his gun and then drew a blank.
66. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
67. Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
68. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
69. Tennis players don't marry because Love means Nothing to them.
70. Chronic illegal parkers suffer from parking zones disease.
71. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
72. Driving on so many turnpikes was taking its toll.
73. When chemists die, we barium.
74. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was intense.
75. If a lawyer can be disbarred can a musician be denoted or a model deposed?
76. How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.
77. The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card.
78. Show me someone in denial and I'll show you a person in Egypt up to their ankles.
79. A reporter was at an ice cream store getting the scoop.
80. Two mining companies merged and became alloys.
81. Will this computer last five years? Obsoletely!
82. A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
83. A ditch digger was entrenched in his career.
84. Waiting for her photos to be developed a young girl sang 'Some day my prints will come.'
85. Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
86. During branding cowboys have sore calves.
87. Where there are many chickens you can find layers of eggs.
88. Those who sell topsoil have definitely hit pay dirt.
89. There is some Confucion about the oldest religion in China.
90. The survival rate after a fall into a deep hole is abyssmal.
91. An office with many people and few electrical outlets could be in for a power struggle.
92. Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
93. He tried to play the shoehorn but got only footnotes.
94. Old programmers never die, they just can't C as well.
95. Old skiers never die -- they just go down hill.
96. Alcohol and calculus don't mix so don't drink and derive.
97. Pour hot water down a rabbit hole and you get a hot cross bunny.
98. Our cat is finally house broken - litterly.
99. To learn rope tricks you have to be taut.
100. The bear went over the mountain to see what was bruin.
If you are sick and want more, there's these and others at www.punoftheday.com. :kawaii: