Ibis, God of Magicks
09-25-2002, 09:58 AM
Observations....
1. Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't even get into my own pants.
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.
3. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
[Eww!]
4. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
5. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just
standing up fast.
6. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."
7. I have my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.
8. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
9. I got a sweater for Christmas...I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
10. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
11.I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
12. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
13. There are two sides to every break-up: Yours and shithead's.
15. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
16. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
17. I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
18. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
21. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
22. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
1. Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't even get into my own pants.
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.
3. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
[Eww!]
4. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
5. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just
standing up fast.
6. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."
7. I have my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.
8. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
9. I got a sweater for Christmas...I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
10. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
11.I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
12. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
13. There are two sides to every break-up: Yours and shithead's.
15. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
16. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
17. I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
18. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
21. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
22. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"